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} Clunk... 411.... brrring...
}
} Operator: Directory assistance, may I help you?
}
} Usenet Oracle: This is the Usenet Oracle - can you connect me to
} lost persons, please?
}
} Operator: Yes, sir.
}
} (Pause) Brrringg...
}
} Operator 2: Lost persons, may I help you?
}
} UO: I'm looking for Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx, (s)he seems to be lost. Can you
} assist me?
}
} O2: One moment... (pause)... The name Xxxxxx Xxxxxxxxx does not appear
} to be in the location database under missing persons.
}
} UO: Please check under "shit for brains".
}
} O2: One moment... (pause)... That area is classified, sir. Do you have
} any form of clearance?
}
} UO: This is the Usenet Oracle.
}
} O2: OH! Well, here is the person you're looking for, at the top of our
} list.
}
} UO: Where is (s)he?
}
} O2: Well, how am I supposed to know? All I know is that (s)he's on this
} damned list as a shit-for-brains. (S)he could be anywhere.
} Physically, (s)he's in Detroit. Mentally, whereabouts unknown.
}
} UO: Oh, well, thank you anyway.
}
} O2: You're welcome.
}
} (Click).
}
} *sigh* Looks like I have only one chance left...
}
} (Clunk)... 1-313-666-HELL... brrring...
}
} Hell Operator: AAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You've done it now, you miserable
} smidgeon of blowfish shit! You're coming down here for eternity!
}
} UO: This is the Usenet Oracle. Lost and found please.
}
} HO: No way, you stupid Oracular pig-dog! I'll not connect you to
} anything but your behind! Go suck on a sponge!
}
} UO: Please, don't test my patience.
}
} (Click) (pause...) brring...
}
} Lost and Found Operator: Hello, Hell lost and found...
}
} UO: This is the Usenet Oracle... do you have a wandering soul by the
} name of Xxxxx Xxxxxxxxx down there?
}
} LFO: Let me look... (pause) Yes, (s)he's here, swimming in lava. Shall I
} go and get it for you?
}
} UO: Please.
}
} (pause)
}
} Wandering Soul: H-hello?
}
} UO: This is the Usenet Oracle. Your body is looking for you.
}
} WS: Oh, dear me! I'll get right back! Thank you ever so much!!
}
} LFO: Anything else?
}
} UO: No, thanks very much.
}
} O2: How dare you steal a soul! I'm telling Lucifer! You'll smoke a
} turd in hell for this, you pile of goose droppings!
}
} UO: Oh, really?!
}
} O2: I'll have you run through a {interrupted by UO fireball}.
}
} O2: (now seriously singed) H-h-have a n-n-nice d-d-day.
}
} (Click)
}
} Your self will return in a few moments.
}
} You owe the Oracle some bacon, cheese, and goat's milk.
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