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} A profound and serious question for a change, worthy of in-depth
} research! Supplicant, you restore my faith in humanity!
}
} Very well, let us turm the clock back 100 years and see what the
} policeman on the beat was ingesting...
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} Holmes: My word, Inspector, but your fidgeting could try the patience of
} the proverbial saint.
}
} Lestrade: Dash it all, Holmes! We have been sat here in the cramped
} confines of this Hansom cab for well nigh hours at a stretch. What
} makes you so confoundedly certain that the miscreants are even at
} this moment ensconced in the Georgian terraced habitation opposite?
}
} Holmes: As I already have had occasion to explain to you, my excellent
} fellow, the five red-haired gentlemen and the Prussian
} Under-Secretary are most certainly still at their nefarious
} business indoors. Otherwise, the sound of the dog barking in the
} night would indubitably have reached our ears. This is surely an
} elementary deduction, even for London's Finest.
}
} Cabbie: 'Ow much longer do I 'ave to sit 'ere? It's flippin' freezin',
} it is!
}
} Lestrade: Silence, you working-class scalawag, lest I be obliged to take
} my riding-stock to your back!
}
} Holmes: The long hours of waiting appear to have had a deleterious
} effect on your customary good humour as well as your ability to
} remain immobile, if I may say so.
}
} Lestrade: I had scant opportunity to partake of any form of evening
} victuals before you saw fit to take it upon yourself to drag me out
} here. I am now beginning to fall prey to the pangs of unrequited
} hunger and, consequently, my temper is somewhat slightly out of
} sorts. Hark! What is that sound?
}
} Holmes: The dog?
}
} Lestrade: No, it is the cry of the itinerant jellied eel and dough-nut
} monger! I am saved! Would you care for some refreshment, Holmes?
}
} Holmes: Not I. And surely, Inspector, the matter at hand is of
} sufficient gravity and national import to induce you to overlook the
} occasional rumblings of a discontented stomach and remain at your
} post.
}
} Lestrade: Holmes, get knotted.
}
} [Exit Lestrade]
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} Hmm, evidently we didn't go back far enough. Let's try a tad earlier...
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} Beregar: I hied me hither as soon as thy message reached me, Brother.
} What transpires?
}
} Cadfael: 'Tis young Wulfhere, the inn-keeper's son. I have been apprized
} that he is at this very hour in yon chapel, purloining the relics of
} Saint Simeon the Sanctimonious.
}
} Beregar: The young varlet! Let us thence forthwith to apprehend him!
}
} Cadfael: Nay, Hugh, 'tis not his own doing that he is about this
} business, I trow. Certes he has been forced unto it by the lord of the
} demesne, Sir Gervase de Rottinger, who has threatened that, were he to
} do otherwise, Sir Gervase would exercise his droit-de-seigneur on
} Wulfhere's fiancee, the fair and innocent Ethelthryth.
}
} Beregar: By all the Saints, Brother, cozen ye me not? I'faith, not in
} all my years as shire-reeve have I heard of such corsednesse withal.
} So what must our path be?
}
} Cadfael: We await here, hidden in Much the Miller's cart, until Wulfhere
} hands the relics over to Sir Gervase, at which juncture you emerge and
} catch them in the act.
}
} Much: Prithee, fine gentles, but I must have the use of my cart!
}
} Cadfael: Gramercy, Miller, no other place avails where we can watch and
} not be watched.
}
} Beregar: Much, stout yeoman, we will pay thee three groats for every
} hour that we require the use of thy most sturdy and becoming cart.
} And a rack of venison to recompense thee for thine upholding of
} the law. Mayhap this dost meet thy needs?
}
} Much: Well, I wit not...
}
} Beregar: Fie, venal miller! Hold thy tongue and begone to thy mill,
} there to grind some flour or whatever it is those that follow thy
} calling do. And whilst thou art about it, make me one of thine
} excellent dough-nuttes. Verily, I starve!
}
} [Exit Much the Miller]
}
} Cadfael: Canst think of eating at such a time like this, Hugh?
}
} Beregar: God's Truth, Brother, a shire-reeve's lot is not a happy one,
} yet it should not neither be a hungry one, methinks.
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} Rats, still not far enough. Okay, earlier still...
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} Thag: Hel-lo, Og. What Og do?
}
} Og: Name not Og. Name Ser-geant Og, sun-shine. Ser-geant Og look cave.
} Bad man in cave. Bad man steal Og-wa furs. Ser-geant Og wait bad man
} come out cave. Ser-geant Og catch bad man red han-ded.
}
} Thag: Why bad man red han-ded?
}
} Og: Ser-geant Og cover all cave mammoth blood. Bad man come out cave.
} Bad man red han-ded, red foot-ed, red all over.
}
} Thag: Ser-geant Og more smart av-er-age Australopithecine.
}
} Og: Thag not whis-tle Dixie.
}
} Thag: How long Ser-geant Og look cave?
}
} Og: One, two, um, many hour. Og mur-der reindeer steak just now.
}
} Thag: Thag go hunt. Ser-geant Og want come?
}
} Og: Ser-geant Og want. Ser-geant Og come.
}
} Thag: What if bad man come out cave? Ser-geant Og not here, not catch
} red han-ded.
}
} Og: Um...
}
} Thag: Ser-geant Og in cleft stick.
}
} Og: Ser-geant Og say what hell. Go hunt, go catch woolly rhi-no-cer...
} um, rhi-no... um, thing with horn. Give Og-wa fur. Og-wa have new fur,
} not cover mammoth blood. Bad man have wet sticky fur. Og-wa happy, bad
} man wet sticky. Ser-geant Og say case close.
}
} Thag: What mean case close?
}
} Og: Ser-geant Og not know. Ser-geant Og say any-way. Sound good.
}
} [Exeunt]
}
} * * * * * * * * * * *
}
} So there you have it, Supplicant. Before donuts, policemen ate woolly
} rhinoceroses. And remember, you heard it here first.
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