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} Agree? Og, you're fired. You have five minutes to clear your cave and
} all Internet Oracle equipment must be returned, right down to the pens,
} pencils, and ASCII line art printouts of pterydactyls.
}
} Og ask why? Og ask O-ra-kul not like Og?
}
} Og, you've been a faithful worker for all these millenia, but your time
} is numbered. Look at this spam email I've just received.
}
} > From: nobody@nowhere.don't-even-try-to-get-yourself-deleted.com
} > To: The Internet Oracle (oracle@cs.indiana.edu)
} > Subject: ProTemp - The Proto-Human Temping Agency
} >
} > Dear Friend,
} >
} > DO YOU WANT TO SAVE BIG $$$$$$$$?????????????
}
} See, look how friendly they are. And they want us to save big money.
}
} > We've noticed your postings in sci.anthropology.paleo and thought you
} > would be interested in our new Proto-Human Temping Service.
} > Inexpensive, reliable, and you only have to pay for their services
} > when YOU NEED to hire a subhuman. Yes, no more subhumans hunting and
} > gathering in your office and leaving chips of flint all over the
} > place when you have no call for them. Hire our cave-temps, and save
} > big $$$$ today!!!!!!!!
}
} Orrie, you can't! You can't fire Og and replace him with part-time
} short term staff. It's not fair.
}
} Lisa, Lisa, I have to think about the future of our company. This isn't
} the 70s anymore, it's a tough world out there and we need to adapt to
} compete.
}
} Most knowledgable master, thou for whom the first seventeen million
} digits of PI are as easy to recall as is it for a puny human to
} remember his own age, we may have a problem.
}
} What is it Zadoc?
}
} Master, a sabre-tooth tiger is loose in the palace. It's eaten three
} supplicants, and has cornered Kendai.
}
} Orrie, see! You fired Og and now we need him. What are we going to do?
}
} You forget, I'm omniscient. I had already contacted the temping agency
} and a temp Homo Habilis is arriving right ..... now!
}
} GROK HERE! GROK BIG STRONG HUN-TER, EAT SABRE-TOOTH TIGER FOR
} BREAK-FAST GROK NOT USE ONE BIG SPIKY CLUB, GROK JUG-GLE MANY BIG SPIKY
} CLUB WITH HEAD WHILE HIT TI-GER BIG SPIKY CLUB EACH HAND.
}
} [Grok makes mincemeat of the tiger, although everyone notices that The
} Oracle holds him back until the tiger has bitten Kendai a few more
} times]
}
} GROK THINK MUCH FUN! GROK HAVE MUCH JOB SAT-IS-FAC-TION.
}
} Grok, you're a credit to, erm, your species. Great to have you around.
} Much better than ... what was the other guy's name again? *laugh*
}
} [Lisa glares at The Oracle]
}
} GROK ASK, O-RA-KUL WANT SIGN MANY YEAR CONTRACT SER-VICE MUCH
} DIS-COUNT?
}
} Sure, where do I .... sign .... done!
}
} GROK SAY SOR-RY, GROK GO NEXT JOB.
}
} Your next job?
}
} GROK PLAY BASS CON-CERT ROL-LING STONE. GROK GO SEE MICK. GROK BYE!
}
} You look happy with yourself Orrie *darling* [grown men wilt at the
} sarcasm], but I don't like it.
}
} Hey, you saw that Grok guy. What could be better than that?
}
} O most finely matured Oracle, thou to whom an ordinary mortal is a
} stream of bat's urine compared to a 1895 Chateau d' Rouge.
}
} Yes Zadoc?
}
} A herd of mammoths has made their way into the compound. What shall I
} do master?
}
} Don't worry, that's all. I've ordered another proto-human, and, erm, it
} should be arriving right about .... now.
}
} [A small test-tube comes through the mail-box]
}
} What the? what ..... this tube .... an AMOEBA????!!!!!!??????!!!??? Why
} the, where's that temping agency's phone number?
}
} > We're sorry you don't find our choice of proto-human satisfactory,
} > but we wish to point out to you that our contract clearly states that
} > we will provide a species in the human lineage less evolved than Homo
} > Sapiens. An amoeba clearly fits the described specification, and as
} > such we have fulfilled our contract. This is a recording. CLICK.
}
} The dirty rotten.....
}
} See, you fire Og, thinking you can cut corners, and look what happens!
} Og would have cleared out those Mammoths in a trice, but now they're
} still stamping around down there. My carpet is ruined! WAIL!
}
} Og here.
}
} [Pause for huge applause and cheers across nation, nay, world]
}
} Og! Og! All is forgiven. Og, clean out those mammoths will you?
}
} Og say, O-ra-kul give Og Og job back?
}
} Done!
}
} Og say, O-ra-kul let Og have cas-ual day?
}
} Done! Done!
}
} Og say, Og get rid of mammoth. Og say wait right here.
}
} [Huge crashing, trumpeting, and smashing from downstairs. Eventually
} silence falls]
}
} Og fin-ish. Og say, Og go change cas-ual clothe.
}
} [In a few minutes Og and Ogwa return, dressed to the nines].
}
} Og! But, that, that's a pinstripe suit. Is that Yves Saint Laurent?
} But, that's hardly casual wear. I mean, the white shirt, and the tie.
}
} Og say, suit Chris-tian Di-or. Og say, Og work wear an-i-mal skin. Og
} say, suit not an-i-mal skin. Og think not work clothe, must be
} cas-ual.
}
} Ogwa dress Ar-ma-ni. Ogwa ask, O-ra-kul think suit Ogwa?
}
} Erm, ah, yes. But Og, how did you af-ford to buy these clothes?
}
} Og say much sim-ple. Og ga-ther Og friend, make Temp A-gen-cy. Og pull
} good trick, make mark sign big con-tract, send a-moe-ba. Og find much
} stu-pid per-son pay big $$$$$ get a-moe-ba sent round. Og set for Og
} life!
}
} You owe The Oracle an extremely satisfying way of extracting revenge on
} Og. And it must be long-lasting, and extremely painful.
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