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} You have it in one, supplicant. Indeed, it was not unknown for men
} to engineer fatal disasters for this very purpose. For instance:
}
} [SCENE: The first class lounge bar on the Titanic, shortly after
} encountering the iceberg. The floor is at an angle of 45 degrees to
} the horizontal, chairs and tables are piled up in the bottom corner,
} and black, freezing water is beginning to slosh in through the door.
} The band struggles to continue playing at the upper end of the room,
} whilst a lone waiter scrambles back and forth between the dozen or
} so remaining customers, all male. Aubrey fforbes-ffortescue and
} Pelham "Pongo" Grytpype-Thynne recline beneath the shattered remains
} of a grand piano]
}
} Aubrey: Cigar, old chep?
}
} Pongo: Don't mind if I do.
}
} Aubrey: This is the life, what?
}
} Pongo: Rahther. One was beginning to think the memsahibs would never
} leave.
}
} Aubrey: Though one can't help wondering whether the old girls made it
} into a lifeboat in time.
}
} Pongo: Who can tell? Out of sight, out of mind, that's the ticket.
} The fairer sex, God bless them and all that, but they can give
} a chep a headache with their incessant chattering, what what?
}
} Aubrey: I should jolly well say so.
}
} [With a rending crash, the stern separates from the rest of the ship.
} The floor tilts abruptly to near vertical, catapulting the members
} of the band, screaming, through the French windows into the dark,
} turbulent waters below. One or two of the men in the room look up
} before returning to their conversations]
}
} Pongo: Reminds one of the time one was in India during the rebellion.
}
} Aubrey: Dickens of a carry-on, that was.
}
} Pongo: Bad show all round. Would you believe those demn darkies put
} us all in the same Black Hole of Calcutta, men, women and
} children together? Hardly playing the game! How was a fellow
} supposed to gather his thoughts?
}
} Aubrey: The bounders! So typical of Johnny Foreigner, that. Simply no
} breeding. I say, is everything all right, Pongo?
}
} Pongo: In what way?
}
} Aubrey: Forgive my drawing attention to it, but you appeared to wince.
}
} Pongo: Ah, that would be my gammy leg. It's somewhat slightly ecting
} up today.
}
} Aubrey: My dear fellow! I had no idea you had a gammy leg.
}
} Pongo: I didn't until this demn piano landed on us. Bit of a sticky
} wicket, what?
}
} Aubrey: Well, bear up, old man. Stiff upper lip. Wouldn't do to blub
} in front of the servants, and all that.
}
} Pongo: Oh, rahther. What say we have another brandy?
}
} Aubrey: Freightfully decent of you. Could I trouble you for a Scotch
} instead?
}
} Pongo: Boy! Two Scotch over here, there's a good fellow.
}
} Waiter: At once, Sir. Would you like ice in that?
}
} Pongo: No need - we'll help ourselves.
}
} [The waiter swims off to fetch the order, only to be crushed under a
} falling chandelier. The icy water has reached our protagonists' chest
} level, and is already over the heads of most of the others in the room.
} A steward pops his head through the doorway and asks if everything is
} all right before being consumed by flames from a fire that started in
} the engine room and is now engulfing the upper decks. Screams of pain
} and terror fill the air outside]
}
} Aubrey: Chin up, eh what?
}
} Pongo: I'll wait for the water to reach my nostrils first, if it's
} all the same with you.
}
} Aubrey: So, Pongo, what are your plens for the future?
}
} Pongo: Well, what with one thing and another, one was thinking of
} lying underneath this piano in intense pain for a few more
} minutes and then drowning. Yourself?
}
} Aubrey: Drowning sounds attractive. Or I might toddle out in a while
} for a spot of hypothermia.
}
} Pongo: You old dog, you.
}
} Aubrey: Shame to miss the test match, though.
}
} Pongo: Deshed inconvenient, but it could be worse, old fruit. We were
} due to reach our destination tomorrow.
}
} Aubrey: [bleakly] America.
}
} Pongo: Indeed.
}
} Aubrey: Quite right of you, getting the captain to steer us onto that
} iceberg. Demn colonials. Ebsolutely no idea how to behave in
} polite company.
}
} Pongo: I hear some of them ectually have their children down to
} dinner.
}
} Aubrey: What? Eating at the same table?
}
} Pongo: So I am informed.
}
} Aubrey: At the same time?
}
} Pongo: Defies comprehension, what what?
}
} Aubrey: Ghahstly! Demn, demn colonials. Blisters of the first water.
} Death is a kinder fate.
}
} Pongo: As you say. Where's that boy with our drinks?
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