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} Zadoc the Priest sat bolt upright in his narrow bunk. He was a light
} sleeper - his hard, lumpy mattress and sackcloth blanket ensured as
} much - and he was in no doubt that he'd been awoken by stealthy
} movements in the corridor outside his dank little cell. He looked
} towards the door. A thin sliver of light illuminated the crack between
} the bottom of the door and the uneven stone floor and, within that
} sliver, his eyes could just make out something. Something that looked
} like:
}
} >
}
} Zadoc clambered out of his bunk and tiptoed barefoot across the
} freezing stone slabs. He knelt down and examined the > closely. It
} appeared to be a small triangle of paper, perhaps the corner of a note
} pushed hastily under his door. He tried to take hold of it, but there
} was not enough of it protruding to get his fingers around. He could
} of course have opened the door, but there was always the danger of a
} passing priest on night duty seeing him and making fun of his Barney
} nightshirt. Best not to chance it.
}
} He tiptoed back to his bunk, reached into the recess in the wall and
} retrieved the nail scissors he used for ritually puncturing his feet
} before attending on his Master the Oracle, to ensure he never forgot
} himself and stood up in the Great Omnignostic One's presence. He
} returned to the door. Placing one of the points of the scissors on
} the corner of the note, he gently dragged it across the floor towards
} him. It began to emerge from under the door.
}
} \
} \
} \
} /
} /
} /
}
} When enough of the note was visible, he discarded the scissors, pulled
} it out and made his way back across the cell. He lit his bedside candle,
} sat on the bunk and studied the note.
} __________________________________________
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} | |
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} | |
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} |__________________________________________|
}
} Zadoc gazed at the piece of paper in bewilderment for ten minutes or
} so. A blank note? What should he read into a blank note? Was it perhaps
} a profound, one-hand-clapping Zen sort of message from his Master,
} hinting at the emptiness that lay at the core of all existence? In
} which case he'd better stay up the whole night preparing a suitably
} insightful response, as he was bound to be tested on it in the morning.
} But no, it couldn't be that - the Oracle was never up this late.
}
} He stared at the piece of paper, cudgelling his wits, for another five
} minutes. He tried turning it upside down and even sideways a couple of
} times, to see if it made any more sense that way. Then, in a flash of
} inspiration, he turned it over and looked at the other side.
} __________________________________________
} | My beloved Worm, |
} | |
} | My body has been aching incessantly to |
} | be joined with yours once again. The |
} | pompous windbag has gone away for the |
} | weekend, so now is our chance to |
} | relive the heady delirium of that |
} | intoxicating time that seems so long |
} | ago. Come to me in the oratory at |
} | midnight, wearing only a thong and an |
} | ostrich feather clenched between your |
} | buttocks, and let us rescale the |
} | heights of passion! |
} | |
} | Yours in breathless anticipation, Lisa |
} |__________________________________________|
}
} The note slipped from between Zadoc's trembling fingers. The Divine
} Adoratrice, longing for him! It was almost inconceivable, yet somehow
} not unexpected. He was, after all, a fine figure of a man, if he did
} say so himself (he generally had to, in the absence of others willing
} to do it for him). And it was not as if this was the first time this
} had happened.
}
} True, it was a mortal sin to submit to her wishes, and the Oracle's
} punishment would be swift and bloody if he found out. Which, of course,
} he would - was he not omniscient? But how could be resist this plea?
} How could he deny this damsel in distress the chance to slake her
} yearning for his body? He had been just as helpless that time almost
} two years ago when she had enticed him away from his duty, sparkling
} with ingenue. Admittedly, not much had happened then, and he'd had a
} sneaking suspicion that it had all been part of some elaborate prank.
} But now he saw how wrong he'd been to doubt her sincerity. This note
} clearly showed that he meant more to the Raven-Haired Houri Regnant
} than he'd ever dared imagine.
}
} Zadoc looked at his alarm clock. It was five minutes to midnight -
} there was not a moment to lose! He sprang from his bunk, bounced
} across his cell, flung open the door and raced down the corridor
} towards the storeroom, where he was sure to find a thong and an
} ostrich feather amongst all the bizarre and exotic gifts the Oracle
} was always receiving from his supplicants. So intent was he on his
} quest, he completely forgot that he was still wearing his Barney
} nightshirt.
}
} Meanwhile, Lisa arrived at the oratory and gave the thumbs up to the
} waiting priests. Quickly, they finished spreading thumb tacks over the
} floor and balanced a bucket of treacle on top of the door. Then they
} picked their way through the various tripwires and booby traps to the
} far end of the room, switched off the light and hid, cameras at the
} ready.
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