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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh, wise and wonderful Oracle, could you please settle this argument > between my Brother and I about LISP? > > If a Null of a Null of a Nil is a Null of a T is a Null of an Atom > is a Nil, then is a Null of a Null of a Null of a Null of a Nil a Null > of a Null of a Null of a T is a Null of a Null of of a Null of an Atom > is a Null of a Null of a Nil is a Null of a T is a Null of an Atom is > a Nil?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} yes. } } the oracle requires that you write a new lisp compiler which obviates } the need for such questions. } } you owe the oracle a ring-ding (i need the polysorbate 80 to survive)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is the sky blue?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I could give you an answer about light refraction, atmospheric } scattering, and sun light, but I will not.  Instead I will tell you a } little story.  When the world was created, the sky was white.  Pure, } snowy shite.  The kind of white that you're afraid to touch because you } might leave a fingerprint. } } One day in the garden of Eden, Eve was looking up at the sky and said, } "God." } } God said, "Yes Eve?" } } "The sky is a really nice shade of white and all, but don't you think } it's a little boring?" } } "Boring?" } } "Yes, what about pink or maroon or lime green.  Certainly that would be } a more interesting color.  I don't mean to sound critical, but you } wouldn't want the world to be dull." } } "Hmmm...  perhaps you're right.  A little color might be just the } thing." } } So for the next month, the sky was a different color every day.  After a } while, God started to be really creative.  Soon the sky was filled with } dots and zig zags.  The clouds would strobe laser pink and green against } a red and blue sky.  It was certainly not boring. } } Around this time, Adam came back from whatever he was up to.  He said, } "God!  What the heck are you doing up there!  You are giving me } headaches and it is impossible to sleep past dawn!" } } God said, "It was Eve's idea." } } Eve said, "I never said I wanted hot pink strobe effects!  Just a little } color." } } Gid said, "Hmmph..  very well!  From now on, the sky will be blue.  Flat } ordinary blue.  Totally uninteresting.  Millenia from now, people will } ask why the sky is blue of all colors." } } And that's the way it was.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The last time I asked the oracle a question, I got a totally inane >    answer.  This was a great disappointment to me, since I have come >    to expect honesty, seriousness, and above all intelligence from >    you.  What happened?  The time before last I was granted with >    the most entertaining of all answers... and then I get this. > > Could you tell me at what hours you can be expected to be reasonable >    intelligent and entertaining, and on which you can be expected >    to be (pardon me) silly, childish and inane? > > Thank-you.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}       Look, I don't mean to be rude, but have you ever been an Oracle? } Have you ever been at least SLIGHTLY prescient?  Have you ever had your } services be in demand every day for three thousand years STRAIGHT?  HAVE } YOU EVER SAT ON GOD'S HIGH COUNCIL AND DECIDED THE ULTIMATE FATE OF AN } ENTIRE SPECIES OF PLANT LIFE?!?!?! } I doubt it. } I put in hard hours, fella, and there are times when an Oracle has to } let loose and be childish sometimes, OK?  College students and } businessmen get weekends off, I don't.  My hours are random, no one } knows, no one on Earth, not even the Son of Man, only God the Father, } when my childish moods will hit.  So just nack off and feel gratefull } I'm even answering you AT ALL!! } } You owe the Oracle a beach, a bed, a babe, and a break in Barbados

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Where oh where has my little dog gone?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} (Calling God...) } God : "Yes, oracle." } Oracle : "God, where is xxxx.xxxx's dog?" } God : "Where is xxxxx.xxxx's dog?" } Oracle : "In a parallel dimension where dog's are the dominant species." } God : "In a parallel dimension where dogs are the dominant species." } Oracle : "Oh? Neat! How did he do that?" } God : "How did he do that?" } Oracle : "He was digging for a bone and uncovered a dimensional portal." } God : "He was digging for a bone and uncovered a dimensional portal." } Oracle : "Hmmm. Ok. Thanks!" } God : "No problem!" } (click!)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Microchip and nano-nacho! > Block a drop-kick with your crotch-o! > Butter first my frontal lobe > And label me a xenophobe! > > ...or not?  This has been troubling me.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes. All the time. In fact, I'd suggest at least twice a day.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How does redirected input feel?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Kind of squishy. } } You owe the Oracle a sponge.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey, Oracle, I'm pissed pretty that you didn't take the time to answer > my last question.  What's the problem?  Are you too high and mighty to > respond to the petty inklings of a physics geek?  Huh?  Maybe your > wife burned your breakfast this morning or she wouldn't give you head > last night?  Are you taking your sexual aggressions out on me?  What's > the problem, dude?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You wanted to know why I didn't answer your last question?  Well let me } tell you a story- Many many years ago when I was a small child I went } into a physics classroom looking for my father who was a physics } professor.  All I found was his dead body.  He had been mercilessly } beaten by a student who disagreed with him on a test score.  Since then } I have hated all physics geeks, and have sworn to get even with the one } who killed my father!  So I'll answer your question all right mister! } When I've finally finished humiliating you for what your fellow physics } geeks did to my dad!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Will you marry me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Of course the Oracle will marry you.  The Oracle marries anyone who asks } politely, has purity of spirit, and offers sufficient quantities of } chocolate. } } The Oracle, of course, is not limited by time, space, or parking meters, } and so the Oracle may marry as many of anything the Oracle desires. } Furthermore, the Oracle is powerfully endowed in all the appropriate } ways and so fully satisfies all of the Oracle's (many and devoted) } mates. } } Let's get married right now.  You didn't want a big, fancy wedding, did } you?  The Oracle finds such affairs rather tiresome and prefers to keep } the Oracle's weddings simple and tasty. } } So stand up.  Yes, right now. } } Do you want to get married or not?  The Oracle is waiting... } } That's better.  Now take your keyboard in your right hand.  Softly moan } "Oh, oh, oh, Oracle baby, take me, take me, take me." } } You'll feel a deep sense of, well, you know what the Oracle means.  You } might want to sit down now. } } Zots!  The Oracle pronounces you and the Oracle quite, quite married. } } Break out the chocolate!!  Make merry and whoopie and anyone else you } can find!! } } The Oracle does not charge for weddings, especially the Oracle's own } weddings, but the Oracle does charge dearly for divorces, so you'd } better make the Oracle very happy for the next fifty million years. } } Of course the Oracle does expect you to do the dishes and take out the } garbage, but that's what being married is all about. } } ...'night, Honey.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A particular symbol is missing from this inquiry. I do not know what > it is, but I think it is a common symbol that I will do without only > with difficulty. Do you think my orthography will go downhill for this > lack? Oh sorrow I am, I can not talk about a quick brown fox and what > it would do to a lazy dog nowadays. It is only with great difficulty > that I can put words to you most smart oracl.....

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Jumpin' Jive-ass Jesus and Jehosephat, Jimmy-boy.  Those Jentile } Jit-bags have Jellified your brain.  Jack and Jill have Jammed the } Jerbil clear to Jizmatic splendour.  So be Joking and Jolly, and } Jenuflect before the one Jigantic and Jenerally acknowledged sign } missing from your message.  No, I'm not talking about the Jay that you } light, and the Jay-bird that skwawks, or the Jail-bait beside you on } your bed.  I'm not talking about the Jacks that she still plays with or } the Jack in your car or the Jack-ass in the White House.  I'm not } talking about J at all, I'm talking about $.  YES LAYDEEZ and JENULMEN, } It is JENERALLY known, by all Joined together that without the almighty } symbol $, your message will not go far. } } You owe the oracle a $JOB card.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> There is a black hair growing out of one the pores on my nose. > Does it mean something?  Should I do something about it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} NO!  Not the black hair!  Not the black hair out of your nose pores!  It } can't be!  It's not possible!  For twenty million eons, the signs; the } reckonings, and it's true:  THE BLACK HAIR IN THE NOSE PORE!  Even the } Oracle, in Its most wise and seeing state, did not foresee the calamity, } the danger, the forebodings!  How can it be now, now, Now?  My mind } quakes, the intricate semantic network of my electric mind shivers with } the truth you have bestowed upon me.  The Hair--no--the Black } Hair--no--no--anything but--and the Nose Pore ... } } There is only one thing to be done.  Only one thing that might set the } cosmos back on its proper axis again.  Only one thing that might restore } life, order, logic, sanity to this quaking universe.  Only one thing } that might redeem the value of Existence itself ...  I know the } procedure ...  it may work ...  yes ...  all may be well again ... } } You must, you have to ...  cut your Black Nasal Hair.  You will require } a small pair of scissors or a sharp knife.  Sever it at its base. } Remove it from the confines of your nose.  Dispose of it in a proper } waste container.  This is the procedure.  Execute it, faithfully.  It } must be done.  For the good of this universe and the good of all } universes that have been or might be, rip your Black Nasal Hair from the } Pore from which It has grown. } } Good luck.  The thoughts and willpower of the Almighty Oracle go with } you on your quest.  The prophecies are unclear as to the outcome of this } situation; I can give you no solace.  I can inform you that Sears is } selling pairs of small scissors for $1.49 a shot.  This is all I can } tell ...  I can tell no more.  Godspeed. } } You owe the Oracle nothing.