|
} Yes. I could.
}
} <Orrie> Heh, I love it when they're easy, on to the nex--
}
} *pfft*
}
} <Orrie> What was that?
}
} <Zot> *looking down at his hands in wonder* It was me, I think.
}
} <Orrie> Hey, buddy, no trespassing in the palace -- who are you?
}
} <Zot> I used to be your Staff of Zot. Apparently your supplicant
} has elevated me to an oracularity character.
}
} <Orrie> Hmm. Well, stay quiet for now, I'm busy. The queue is full,
} and Letterman's almost on.
}
} <Zot> Oh ... I don't think so ...
}
} <Orrie> *Zipping off a quick answer* Yes he is, it's almost 11:30.
}
} <Zot> Oh, Letterman's coming on, all right, but I don't think I'll
} be staying quiet ...
}
} <Orrie> *Mutters as he whips off another answer in a vain attempt to
} drain the queue*
}
} Enter Lisa, looking stunning in a short lime-green chenille robe,
} showcasing her tan to perfection.
}
} <Lisa> Orrie? Come on, Letterman's almost -- who are you?
}
} <Zot> I'm your worst nightmare, baby.
}
} Zot raises his arm and points menacingly at Lisa. With a sizzle,
} a lightning bolt zaps out of his arm and hits her. Orrie watches,
} horrified, as little blue lines of energy explore her convulsing body,
} before she collapses into an inanimate heap.
}
} <Orrie> *reaching reflexively for his staff* Right, that's enough.
}
} <Zot> *With a sly grin* What are you reaching for, Orrie?
} Your staff? *maniacal laugh*
}
} Enter Kendai with a bowl of freshly-made popcorn.
}
} <Kendai> Orrie, come on, you're missing -- oh man, Lisa's toast ...
} *tilting head in an attempt to see more of Lisa's splayed legs*
} bummer!
}
} Zot points again, and Kendai collapses on the floor next to Lisa,
} scattering popcorn all over the room. Zot blows on his finger and
} smiles evilly.
}
} <Orrie> OK, OK, I know where this is going ... you may as well just
} give up now.
}
} <Zot> Oh really. "Sir." *chuckling wryly*
}
} <Orrie> Yes, and if you don't mind, I think I'll just speed things up
} a bit, or this response will get way out of hand. First, Og will peek
} in and see that I'm in trouble. He will then go and get Thag, and the
} two of them will run into the room, and rush you from opposite sides.
} You will, however--
}
} Enter Og and Thag, at lumbering Neanderthal speed. They run to
} opposite ends of the room, then each run at Zot with their big,
} spiky clubs. He steps to one side and looks on in amusement.
}
} <Orrie continues> -- sitestep them, and they will hit each other --
}
} *CRUNCH!*
}
} <Orrie continues> -- over the head and both will collapse in a heap.
} Meanwhile, Zadoc will come up with a plan to defeat you. Ah, here
} he is now.
}
} Enter Zadoc on his knees, crunching through kernels of popcorn.
}
} <Zadoc> Master, I cower before the might of your wisdom. I tremble in
} awe of the eminent authority of the slightest corner of your knowledge.
} I flee in anguish at the thought of comparing my miserable excuse
} for an intellect to your brilliance, I--
}
} <Orrie> But, I will not have the patience to listen to his grovel,
} and I will shoo him away -- Not now, you lowly worm! -- and he will
} shuffle off, not recognized by you as a threat. Meanwhile, Og-wa--
}
} Enter Og-wa, accompanied by Zodoc, several lemurs, Joel Furr, the
} personification of Eliza, Stephen Wright, and two oglings carrying
} between them a tank containing a Bright Red Siamese Fighting Fish.
}
} <Orrie continues> -- will enter, having raised a general alarm around
} the palace and rounded up everyone she can think of to help.
}
} <Stephen Wright> Why do we drive on parkways, yet park on drivew--
}
} *ZOT* Stephen Wright collapses on top of Lisa and Kendai.
}
} <Eliza> You look troubled. Is somethi--
}
} *ZOT* the personification of Eliza collapses on top of Stephen Wright.
}
} <Orrie> The oglings will attempt to throw the fish tank at you,
} but it--
}
} *CRASH!*
}
} <Orrie continues> -- will drop and shatter at their feet. This will
} cause them, Zodoc and Joel Furr to slip rather comically, windmilling
} their arms, and --
}
} *AIIEEE*
}
} <Orrie continues> -- fall, lacerating themselves severely on the
} shards. Og-wa, meanwhile, will grasp for the gasping Bright Red
} Siamese Fighting Fish, but it will leap for her--
}
} *AAAAIIIIIEEEEEEE!!*
}
} <Oracle continues> -- nose. You will take advantage of this to--
}
} *ZOT*
}
} <Oracle continues> -- zot them both. The lemurs, meanwhile, will
} leap around the room unhindered, but you won't bother with them.
} This sets the scene for the return of Zadoc, who has called for backup.
}
} Enter Zadoc on his knees, followed by Mulder and Scully, guns drawn.
}
} <Scully> Freeze!
}
} <Mulder> FBI!
}
} <Orrie> You will find this amusing--
}
} Zot laughs sardonically at the agents and their puny pistols.
}
} <Orrie continues> -- but while you are laughing, Scully will maneuver
} behind me, and set Zadoc's plan in action.
}
} Scully reaches one hand toward the keyboard and quickly enters the
} queue release control code, causing the entire Oracle queue to scroll
} over the screen at once, flooding the room with w**dchuck questions.
}
} <Zot> AIIIEE! Zot! ZoTZOt! ZotZOTzot! Zot!
}
} Zot shoots with both hands frantically in an effort to fight back the
} onslaught, yet still they come. His Zots increase in frequency and
} intensity until he explodes into a lightningball engulfing Zadoc,
} Mulder, Scully and the lemurs, who all collapse to the floor.
} Only the Oracle, watching benignly in his flowing robes, is unaffected.
}
} Finally, it is over, and the Oracle stands surrounded by the charred
} remains of his former oracular regulars and the overpowering aroma
} of ozone, burnt popcorn and singed hair. He glances at the clock.
}
} <Orrie> Dammit, it's 12:30.
}
} You owe the Oracle some air freshener and a videotape of Letterman.
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