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} What's this? You want a serious answer to your question "How can I make
} sure I don't get a serious answer"? Are you trying to trap the Oracle,
} you creepy little supplicant person you? Well, I'll fix your little red
} wagon.
}
} ALARM! ALARM! Calling the Paradox Police!
}
} <stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp STOMP STOMP
} STOMP> PARADOX POLICE REPORTING, SAH!
}
} Oracle: Thank you for coming so promptly. Now ...
}
} Kurt: Actually, we're not the Paradox Police and we're not reporting.
}
} Wolfie: But please bear in mind that my partner lies all the time.
}
} Kurt: I do not!
}
} Wolfie: Whereas I lie exactly 50% of the time. We are the Paradox
} Police, but we're not reporting.
}
} Kurt: Ah, but hang on, you just made three statements. If you lie
} exactly 50% of the time, one must be a half-truth.
}
} Wolfie: I did not make three statements.
}
} Kurt: Did too!
}
} Wolfie: Did not! You said I did, so I can't have done.
}
} Kurt: Bummer! Caught out again.
}
} Oracle: If I might interrupt this fascinating discourse ...
}
} Kurt: Wait, I've got it. You did say we weren't the Paradox Police,
} didn't you?
}
} Wolfie: Correct - I said we were.
}
} Kurt: And that we definitely were reporting.
}
} Wolfie: No, I said we were, but I'm lying now.
}
} Kurt: Therefore, logically, your statement about lying exactly 50%
} of the time ...
}
} Wolfie: ... Could have been a lie.
}
} Kurt: Damn!
}
} Oracle: Gentlemen ...
}
} Kurt: Okay, this one's really going to work. You definitely lie
} sometimes.
}
} Wolfie: I am obliged to tell the truth for an undisclosed part of the
} time, I'll grant you that.
}
} Kurt: So if I were to ask you if we're the Paradox Police, and then I
} repeat your answer verbatim ...
}
} Wolfie: Ah, I can see where this is heading ...
}
} Kurt: ... Then I can force you into being a full-time liar, like I am
} not! Ahah! Gotcha, ya little squirt!
}
} Wolfie: Not necessarily ...
}
} Kurt: Have too! Have too! Admit it!
}
} Wolfie: ... Since this scenario would require you to be telling the
} truth when you say you're going to repeat everything I say.
}
} Kurt: Damn! Blast! I hate you!
}
} Wolfie: He loves me really.
}
} Oracle: Yes thank you, gentlemen, I am truly enjoying your double act
} and at least one of these statements is false. Now, could you
} turn your attention to this email from a supplicant?
}
} Wolfie: Certainly! Could you repeat it for us?
}
} Oracle: That's a very tempting suggestion, but just read it for now.
}
} Kurt: Sure thing! There's nothing I like better than reading
} paradoxical email messages ...
}
} Wolfie: ... Unless it be a ham sandwich ...
}
} Kurt: ... Because, obviously, a ham sandwich is better than nothing.
} Hmm, this is a nasty one ...
}
} Wolfie: Is there such a secret code, by the way?
}
} Oracle: Yes, but I can't tell it to you, otherwise it wouldn't be
} secret.
}
} Wolfie: There are no flies on you.
}
} Kurt: Nobody's smarter than the Oracle.
}
} Wolfie: Good point! Well, Sir, there's your solution.
}
} Oracle: What?
}
} Wolfie: The supplicant shouldn't be asking you, he should ask nobody,
} since nobody is a higher authority than yourself.
}
} Oracle: You mean, like, he should ask his question in an empty room?
}
} Kurt: Exactly. Or he could ask Al Gore, who's a nobody in my book.
}
} Oracle: Sounds good to me. But isn't some kind of punishment in order?
} He did try to trap me, after all.
}
} Kurt: Absolutely not!
}
} Wolfie: As my partner says, absolutely!
}
} Oracle: How about if I ZOT him on some day between today and Saturday
} next, but don't tell him which day so it'll come as a surprise?
}
} Kurt: Ah no, that won't work.
}
} Oracle: It won't?
}
} Kurt: No. Everybody thinks there's no paradox there, but in fact
} there is.
}
} Wolfie: Hang on, if everybody thinks there's no paradox, then you do
} too.
}
} Kurt: Good point. Okay, everybody thinks there's no paradox there,
} but Al Gore knows there is. Because, as Al Gore will tell you,
} if Saturday arrives and the supplicant still hasn't been
} ZOTted, he'll be expecting it then and it won't be a surprise.
}
} Wolfie: Therefore he knows you won't ZOT him Saturday, so Friday is the
} last day you can ZOT him and surprise him.
}
} Kurt: But when Friday arrives and he still hasn't been ZOTted ...
}
} Wolfie: You can see the problem, can't you? There's no way you can ZOT
} him at any time and surprise him.
}
} Kurt: So he's perfectly safe.
}
} <<<<<<<< ZOT! >>>>>>>>
}
} Oracle: What do you think? Was he surprised?
}
} Wolfie: Absolutely.
}
} Kurt: Not in the least.
}
} Wolfie: Oh, shut up.
}
} Kurt: Ham sandwich, anyone?
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