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} Oracle's Log, Queuedate 1104.9. After our successful, but
} stressful, mission to eradicate a Juno infestation in the .Org
} system, I have decided that the crew of the U.S.S. Omniscience
} deserves some shore leave. To that end, I have set course for the
} planet Lisa.
}
} [Captain Oracle and Commander Zadoc are on the bridge. Lieutenant
} Kinzler is at the helm, and Ensign Viles is at a computer station in
} the background.]
}
} ORACLE: Lieutenant Kinzler, status report?
}
} KINZLER: All systems nominal, Captain.
}
} ORACLE: Anything on long-range sensors?
}
} KINZLER: No questions within 3 light-years, sir. One moment...
} A new question just came up on the sensors. Would you like to hear it,
} sir?
}
} ORACLE: Certainly. On screen.
}
} > r pct,
} >
} > Isxcelleut y'veke,nd. e,t stg asor trys,er t 's j plaing, aanniscient
} > b, Ioulkw.
}
} KINZLER: It seems to garbled, sir. I'll try to clean it up a
} bit...
}
} > F sm ssible e to bwards, e with t me of yos.
} >
} > Y owee Orle a nive eroy ftor, evidently.
} >
} > Mssage re ats.
}
} KINZLER: Here we go, sir... This is about the best I can get
} it.
}
} > Dear Supplicnt,
} >
} > It's n excllentquestion yu've sked, ineed. However, intsting as
} > your tory is, I ferh i just plin wng, and as an omnient being, I uld
} > know.
} >
} > Face i: it's sply impossible tove wds,n wht chie oyours.
} >
} > You owe the Oracle a negative entropy factor, evidently.
}
} ORACLE: What? Commander Zadoc, what do you make of this?
}
} ZADOC: Captain, it almost looks like... a response! Given by
} you!
}
} ORACLE: My thoughts exactly.
}
} ZADOC: But... I can't remember you ever giving a response like
} that.
}
} ORACLE: Nor can I... Ensign Viles, check the database. See if
} I've ever given a response that matches the one we've just received.
}
} VILES: Negative, Captain. No such response on record.
}
} ORACLE: That's odd... Lieutenant Kinzler, set course for the
} response.
}
} ZADOC: Captain, are you sure that's wise? It could be a
} woodchuck trap.
}
} ORACLE: True... Lieutenant, when we arrive at the response,
} maintain a distance of 500 kilometres. Still, Commander, something
} tells me that the woodchucks couldn't create a simulation that
} sophisticated... I'll be in my ready room. It looks like shore
} leave will have to wait.
}
} [Fade to black. Commercial break.]
}
} [Cptn. Oracle is reading in his ready room. Lt. Kinzler's voice
} comes over the comm.]
}
} KINZLER: Captain to the bridge. We've reached the response,
} sir.
}
} [Cptn. Oracle walks out to the bridge.]
}
} ZADOC: Captain, at this range, the response is much less
} garbled.
}
} ORACLE: Excellent. On screen.
}
} > Dear Supplicant,
} >
} > It's an excellent question you've asked, indeed. However,
} > interesting as your theory is, I fear that it's just plain wrong,
} > and as an omniscient being, I should know.
} >
} > Face it: it's simply impossible to have time go backwards, even with
} > that machine of yours.
} >
} > You owe the Oracle a negative entropy factor, evidently.
}
} ZADOC: You definitely wrote that, captain.
}
} ORACLE: I can see that, Commander... Lieutenant, can you
} determine the source of the question?
}
} KINZLER: Unknown, Captain. We'd have to get closer to tell.
}
} ORACLE: What the devil is going on here? Science Officer Og,
} report to the bridge.
}
} ZADOC: It looks like sometime in the future, someone will send
} you a question asking you whether or not his time machine works, and
} you'll send this response. But when?
}
} [Science Officer Og arrives on the bridge; Cptn. Oracle & Cmdr.
} Zadoc walk up to a computer station to greet him.]
}
} ORACLE: Ah, Mr. Og. What do you make of this response we've
} just received?
}
} OG: Re-sponse, sir? Me thought we search only for ques-tions.
}
} ORACLE: It's strange, alright. Take a look at it.
}
} [The response is replayed on the computer station.]
}
} OG: Fa-sci-na-ting, cap-tain. It seems to be an
} an-ti-ques-tion.
}
} ZADOC: Antiquestion?
}
} OG: Yes, sir. Just as an-ti-mat-ter can be seen as nor-mal
} mat-ter mo-ving back-wards in time, an an-ti-ques-tion is a nor-mal
} ques-tion that is mo-ving back-wards in time. We there-fore see the
} re-sponse be-fore we see the ques-tion.
}
} ORACLE: Mr. Og, does this antiquestion pose any threat to the
} U.S.S. Omniscience?
}
} OG: No, sir. This is most like-ly one of our own ques-tions and
} re-spon-ses, some-how in-vert-ed. It would be in-val-u-a-ble to
} stu-dy it fur-ther.
}
} ORACLE: Agreed. Lieutenant Kinzler, take us in, nice and slow.
}
} ZADOC: Og, do you think we'll find the question that this
} response answers?
}
} OG: Pos-si-bly. I will run some com-pu-ter sim-u-la-tions of
} the an-ti-ques-tion to cal-cu-late what we should ex-pect to see.
}
} [Cptn. Oracle & Cmdr. Zadoc return to their chairs. The response
} slowly grows larger on the screen. Og continues to run the
} simulation. The response continues to grow larger on the screen.
} The simulation finishes, and the results flash up on Og's computer.
} Og looks puzzled for a moment, then turns to the Captain.]
}
} OG: Cap-tain, what we see here can-not be a true
} an-ti-ques-tion.
}
} ORACLE: What do you mean, Og?
}
} OG: Ac-cord-ing to the com-pu-ter, the only way this
} an-ti-ques-tion could have been cre-a-ted is by the time ma-chine it
} re-fers to. But since the cap-tain is om-ni-sci-ent, he would have
} re-al-ized that the time ma-chine would work. There-fore, the
} cap-tain would not have sent this re-sponse.
}
} ZADOC: Are you saying...
}
} OG: Yes, sir. The re-sponse is a fake.
}
} ORACLE: The woodchucks!
}
} ZADOC: Red alert! Shields up!
}
} [Klaxons sound & lights flash. The response on the screen dissolves,
} and is replaced by the fearful image of the W.S.S Monax, a
} Marmot-class Woodchuck destroyer. The Monax opens fire on the
} Omniscience. Fade to black. Commercial break.]
}
} [The Monax fires on the Omniscience. On the bridge, the crew is
} tossed about violently.]
}
} ORACLE: Damage report!
}
} VILES: That blast from their lumber rays hit us before we got
} our shields up, Captain! Propulsion, answer generators, and spam
} torpedoes are off-line. Shields are at 46%.
}
} ZADOC: Return fire, Lieutenant.
}
} KINZLER: Aye, sir!
}
} [The Omniscience fires its forward ZOT arrays at the Monax.]
}
} KINZLER: No effect, Captain.
}
} [The Monax fires again. The Omniscience again shakes violently.]
}
} VILES: Shields down to 33%.
}
} ORACLE: We need options!
}
} OG: Sir, the wood-chucks' po-wer sys-tem may have been drained
} by pro-jec-ting the res-ponse. If we tune our ZOT rays to the cor-rect
} me-ta-pha-sic fre-quen-cy, we may be able to dis-able them.
}
} ORACLE: Do it, Mr. Og.
}
} [The Omniscience fires its ZOT rays at the Monax.]
}
} KINZLER: Direct hit, captain. The woodchucks are dead in the
} water.
}
} [An evil look comes over Cptn. Oracle's face.]
}
} ORACLE: Destroy them.
}
} KINZLER: Aye, sir.
}
} [The Omniscience fires several more ZOT blasts at the Monax,
} destroying it.]
}
} KINZLER: Target destroyed, captain.
}
} ORACLE: Lieutenant, resume course to the planet Lisa.
}
} KINZLER: With pleasure, sir.
}
} ==========================
} You owe the Oracle a new season of "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
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