1106-07 (5mu93 dist, 2.8 mean)
Selected-By: Rich McGee <rmcgee@csusb.edu>
The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
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> January 21, 1645
>
> Dear Sr. Oracle:
>
> Pursuant to our conversation on 06-Sept-1644, the council has decreed
> heretofore, thusly, rightly, verily, and justly that any discomfort,
> malease, badness or other icky sensations experienced by you are
> purely the result of your own incontinence and not due in ANY part to
> any alleged negligence by the chef or his staff.
>
> That being said, the grand city of Cartegena would like to make
> amends, and offers to you a fore-and-aft rigged Barque, a crew of
> worthy sea dogs, 64 barrels of rum, 140 pieces of gold, two
> conquistadors, and some wenches.
>
> This arrangement should be to your liking, even though it fails to
> meet your previous request of 300 castles, a mountain, and some yaks.
> Now, if you would please, sir, kindly board your new vessel, lay in a
> course for Port Royale, and leave Cartegena once and for all!
>
> The City of Cartegena now considers this matter resolved and
> recognizes no further debt to The Oracle and/or any of its successors.
>
> Thank you and sincerely,
>
> Francisco de la Fritos, esq.
> Toro, Mierde, & Moore
> Attorneys at Law
>
> FF/mtl
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And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
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} Dyson, Williams and Williams
} A Legal Professional Service
} New World Council to The Internet
} Oracle 444 Wilshire Blvd #1332
} Los Angeles, CA 90012
}
} 14 July 1999
}
} Re: Case OCA37733/f, The Internet Oracle vs The Council Of Cartegena
}
} As timeliness is of the essence in any legal dispute, we were quite
} surprised that it took so long for your council to reply to my
} client's quite reasonable requests. Further, your failure to reply
} using standard delivery techniques of the time has only served to
} exasperate the problem. We do understand that you are unable to
} control the list server queue's current state, however, simply
} e-mailing your reply to the standard Usenet Oracle queue rather
} than employing a courier is inexcusable, especially given the
} current backlog.
}
} According to our records, inherited in 1956 from the Offices of
} Chelsum, Bryer and Doors, Londonshire, England, the aforementioned
} payment has yet to be received by our client. Therefore, while
} your proposed settlement may have been acceptable in 1644, it is
} no longer a desirable solution.
}
} We propose that a meeting between the Council of Cartegena and/or
} it's heirs be arranged as soon as possible. If you and/or your
} assigned representatives are unable to meet with us in the United
} States, we are more than happy to arrange a meeting in Columbia
} that can accommodate the Cartegena city council's busy schedule.
}
} Further, we note that the proposed settlement, while appropriate
} for the time, is both unreasonable in today's current legal and
} political climate, and falls far short from our original proposed
} settlement. Therefore, we propose that in exchange for disposal
} of the aforementioned case, our client be granted exclusive deed
} to 100 high rise office buildings in place of 300 castles, and
} several thousand office workers in place of the yaks.
}
} If we are unable to reach a reasonable resolution to this issue
} in a more timely manner, we do reserve the right to take our
} client's case before the International Court of Justice when
} they meet this fall in The Hague.
}
} Yours,
} Jeffry Thomas, Esq.
} Dyson, Williams and Williams
}
} ww/JWT [file: OCA37733/f (6453)]
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