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} The Oracle swallowed slowly. He knew the answer, of course, but
} should he say it? Was it worth losing his dignity, his principles, all
} he stood for? Not for the million dollars, of course,-- the Oracle had
} more money than he could ever need-- but for the chance to wipe that
} smug, smug smile off of Regis Philbin's face. More than anything, he
} needed to stall for time to think.
}
} Fortunately, he still had one of his three lifelines left. "I'll
} take my last lifeline, Regis," said the Oracle. "I'll call Lisa." (In
} his arrogance, the Oracle had wasted the audience vote on number 4
} "True or False: This statement is a lie.", just to see whether they
} would get it right. And he had gotten two answers removed on question
} 12, "I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10 billion. What is it?"
} because he knew it was a trick question: Regis was thinking about
} eating a ham sandwich.)
}
} The ring of the phone jolted the Oracle out of his reverie. There
} was a click, then "Og here."
}
} "Og, it's Orrie. Get Lisa for me."
}
} "Lisa not here. Og here."
}
} "How about Zadoc, then?"
}
} "Zadoc not here. Og here."
}
} The Oracle smiled to himself. Of course he knew that everyone but
} Og was, out. What was more, he could keep this up all day, giving
} himself time to think. "Kendai?" he asked....
}
} Several hours (and a few hundred in-jokes) later, the Oracle had
} finished thinking. "All right Og, I guess I'll just have to ask you.
} How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck
} wood?"
}
} "Og no like wood-chuck. Wood-chuck bad. Og smash wood-chuck."
}
} The Oracle forced himself to keep a poker face, as Regis's smug
} smile grew even wider. "It's now or never, Oracle," said Regis.
}
} "In that case," said the Oracle slowly, "why don't *you* tell me!"
} And with that, he stood up, reached over, and ripped the rubber Regis
} Philbin mask from the face of the giant woodchuck sitting across from
} him!
}
} "Curses!" squealed the woodchuck. But though you've exposed me,
} you've given an incorrect answer, so you lose! Hahahaha!"
}
} "Wrong!" shot back the Oracle. "You forgot to ask me if that was
} my final answer! That means I can still change it!" And with that, he
} turned to the show's producer, who had run screaming onstage, and
} whispered a letter into his ear.
}
} "Yes, that's right!" cried the distraught executive. "You win!
} Just please get this creature out of my studio!"
}
} "Gladly," said the Oracle, reaching in his pocket for his swiss
} army zot staff. "Regular, or Extra Crispy?"....
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