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} [Scene: The smoking room of the Senior Toffs Club, Pall Mall, London.
} The withered remains of gouty country squires and decrepit peers of
} the realm lie almost buried in plush armchairs scattered at random
} around the room. Some of them may have been dead for days, but it is
} considered bad form to disturb their repose before they start emitting
} noxious odours and frightening the horses. Aubrey fforbes-ffortesque
} and his friend Pelham "Pongo" Grytpype-Thynne are seated by one of
} the room's bay windows, indulging in a pink gin. A third chair nearby
} is currently unoccupied]
}
} Aubrey: Bottoms up, old fruit.
}
} Pongo: Mud in your eye, my dear old face.
}
} [An Attendant materialises soundlessly in the immediate vicinity,
} carrying a piece of paper on a silver tray]
}
} Attendant: Forgive the intrusion, Sirs, but I am in receipt of a
} cable for Mr. Oracle. I believe he was in your company
} but a moment since.
}
} Aubrey: So he was, my stout fellow, but he had to desh out for
} a tick.
}
} Pongo: When nature beckons, all must heed her call, what what?
}
} Aubrey: I say, Pongo, that was demn poetic of you!
}
} Pongo: Thenks, old chep. And a tad more refeined than saying he
} popped out to the bog, wouldn't you say?
}
} Aubrey: Rahther. We'll take that cable, sturdy yeoman.
}
} Attendant: Sir is too kind.
}
} [The Attendant shimmers off, leaving Aubrey to study the message]
}
} Pongo: Don't keep us in suspense, Aubs old top. What's the gist?
}
} Aubrey: It's one of those questions Orrie's always getting from
} the great unwashed.
}
} Pongo: One has always been of the opinion that such intimacy with
} the hoi polloi on the part of a deity of good lineage
} inclines to the vulgar.
}
} Aubrey: Indeed. This chep says he wants to be an ent.
}
} Pongo: What kind of ent? A correspondent? A jurisprudent? An
} independent?
}
} Aubrey: No, just an ent.
}
} Pongo: Demn nonsense - there's no such word! The young scallawag
} should be sent packing with a flea in his ear.
}
} Aubrey: One rahther supposes he means ent as in the little cheppie
} with six legs and entennas and all that. You know, those
} little blighters entomologists study. Hence the name, one
} would surmise.
}
} Pongo: Ah, I'm with you now. As in the enimated feature at the
} moving pictures theatre the other night.
}
} Aubrey: Perhaps this chep wants to be that ector fellow - what the
} devil's his name?
}
} Pongo: Enthony Hopkins?
}
} Aubrey: Woody Ellen.
}
} Pongo: I say, dear boy! I tell you what would be a ripping wheeze.
} Let's answer the question before Orrie gets back.
}
} Aubrey: Steady on! Won't he be most freightfully ticked off when
} he finds out?
}
} Pongo: Not a bit of it - Orrie's a sport. Here, write this down:
} "I say, I say, I say, my dear old chinstrap. You already
} are an ent, don't y'know. A supplic-ent, what what? The
} Oracle says cheerio, toodle-pip and all that rot. What-ho!"
}
} Aubrey: I say, Pongo, that's simply spiffing, not to say boffo!
}
} Pongo: One tries to please.
}
} [Aubrey summons the Attendant and instructs him to cable back the
} answer. No sooner has the man disappeared on his errand than the
} Oracle re-enters the smoking room]
}
} Oracle: Phew, that's better! I knew it was a mistake to have
} that third helping of devilled kidneys. What's up, guys?
} You're looking very pleased with yourselves.
}
} Pongo: What, us pleased? Good Lord, heaven forfend and all that,
} old bean - not a bit of it. You must be thinking of two
} other cheps.
}
} Aubrey: Indeed, we're just sitting here chewing the old fat, as
} one does, don't y'know, don't y'know.
}
} Oracle: Just my suspicious nature, I guess. By the way, I couldn't
} help noticing on my way in that Lord Cricklewood over there
} is starting to decompose.
}
} Pongo: Great Scott, man!
}
} Aubrey: That's ebsolutely scandalous!
}
} Pongo: Beyond the pale!
}
} Aubrey: Not playing the game!
}
} Pongo: I mean, really Orrie old chum, it's simply not done for
} one gentleman to make personal remarks about another,
} don't y'know.
}
} Aubrey: We do try to make allowances, what with you being from
} the colonies and what not. But I mean to say, there are
} limits!
}
} Pongo: Common decency and all that!
}
} Aubrey: Keep the home fires burning!
}
} Pongo: Noblesse oblige, what what?
}
} Oracle: Sorry guys, it won't happen again.
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