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} By dawn the storm had broken. Several of the horses had broken free in
} the early hours, and some time was lost rounding them up. By the time
} the sun was clear of the distant mountains, we were breaking camp and
} preparing to continue the journey.
}
} As we began the ride, Zadoc rode up beside me.
}
} "Oh Mighty Oracle, whose wisdom is as a galaxy of stars to the - "
}
} "Yes, Zadoc, what is it?"
}
} "Forgive me any implications of doubt in your thousand-fold wisdom,
} mighty one, but have we no other choice but to cross the Plains of the
} Endless September?"
}
} He gestured nervously at the barren landscape ahead of us. I turned my
} Oracular gaze on him, darkening eyebrows and all. Zadoc managed to
} cower without falling off his mule.
}
} "Zadoc, you dimwit, pay attention at the meetings! It's either cross
} the Plains of the Endless September or go around through the Foothills
} of the Mist, adding three months to the trip. Do you want to be the one
} to deal with an extra three month's worth of whining supplicants in the
} queue?"
}
} "No, your infinitely wise -"
}
} "Good. Then stay up here and keep your eyes open."
}
} "For the Three Dangers of the Plain, oh mighty of prowess?"
}
} "No, Zadoc, for a gas station where I can wash my horse's windshield.
} OF COURSE for the Three Dangers of the Plain, you gangrenous annelid!"
}
} That kept Zadoc sufficiently cowed that he left me alone for the rest
} of the morning. We rode through the Stones of Aol about eleven o'clock,
} careful not to say a word for fear of the infamous echoes - the shapes
} of the rock in that area are such that any voice is distorted and
} reflected back in an unearthly chorus that sounds like "me too".
}
} As we rode on, I pondered our destination, on the far side of the
} Plains. A trivial matter, perhaps, but the consequences would be dire
} should we fail in our quest.
}
} Suddenly...
}
} "AAAGH!! The Mimes! The Mimes of Format!!"
}
} They were everywhere! I cursed as I realized they must have been
} following silently for hours. A pack had pulled Kendai off his horse
} and were busy sealing him in an invisible glass box. Others were
} prancing around mimicking the priests, climbing down stairs, pulling
} invisible ropes..
}
} "Your Ominpotency! We're surrounded!"
}
} "The pastrami, Zadoc! Everyone, use the pastrami!"
}
} Forseeing this First Danger of the Plain, we'd each packed a pastrami
} loaf in our bags. They're the most effective weapon against these
} white-faced devils. I leapt from my horse and swatted one aside with my
} pastrami, then waded into the fray.
}
} The carnage was terrible. The priests fought well, Darkmage in
} particular seemed unstoppable, but the silent clowns threatened to
} overwhelm us with sheer numbers. By mid-afternoon, the tide had turned,
} and the survivors were starting to flee. Soon there was but one left.
}
} *WHACK!* *WHACK!*
}
} "Go! Get out of here!"
}
} *WHACK!*
}
} "Go on! Get!"
}
} *WHACKWHACKWHACK!*
}
} "What do you want with us?!!" *WHACK!*
}
} Dazed, he staggered back.
}
} "Well?? What is it?!!"
}
} "When will I be able to get a cable modem in my area?"
}
} I was caught off guard. I had never heard a mime speak before.
}
} "Check with your cable company. Most... AAAAGH!"
}
} While I was distracted, he leapt forward and pulled an invisible flower
} from my ear and started mooning over it. I hit him across the back of
} the head with the pastrami, then again, and again, until he collapsed
} in heap at my feet.
}
} Zadoc raced up beside me and gave the still twitching figure a
} completely unnecessary whack with his own, barely battered luncheon
} meat.
}
} "And stay down, infidel! Good work, Oh All-Powerful Oracle!"
}
} I sighed as I slipped my own pastrami into my belt. One Danger of the
} Plain was beaten, but two more awaited.
}
} "Zadoc?"
}
} "Yes, Mighty One! I am yours to command!"
}
} "Tell Lisa next time she needs 'feminine protection' when the car's in
} the shop, she can go to the drugstore herself."
}
} "*gulp*..Y-yes, Omniscient One."
}
} We rode on.
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