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} The answer to this question requires a deep insight into how we
} omniscient Oracles operate. Take a look in this room...
}
} > Wow, look at all those monkeys!
}
} One million of them to be exact. There job is to sit there banging
} away at the keyboards all day. Eventually, they'll type out every
} possible question anyone could ever ask.
}
} > Wow!
}
} Hoi, Zadoc! How're the lads doing this morning?
}
} "Oh Master Oracle, He who is So..."
}
} Good, good! Now what happens, supplicant, is that at the end of the
} day the Priests bring me all the gigabytes of whatnot that the monkeys
} have typed on a CD-ROM, and I make sure I have answers for them. So
} far, as your luck would have it, only ten questions the monkeys have
} come up with in all the thousands of years we've been doing this, have
} not been asked. I have them here..
}
} *ahem*
}
} THE TOP TEN UNASKED QUESTIONS OF THE INTERNET ORACLE
} ----------------------------------------------------
}
} (10) Where should I keep my tongue when I'm not using it?
}
} (09) Why would they want to chuck all that wood, anyway?
}
} (08) How do I tell the league that $30 million a season is too much
} money? I'm not even that good a player!
}
} (07) Wow, North American beer sure tastes great, doesn't it?
}
} (06) Would you like a canoli?
}
} > What?
}
} A canoli. Surely you know what a canoli is?
}
} > You've never been asked if you'd like a canoli?
}
} Nope. I just never happen to attend a party where they're being
} served, and supplicants so rarely bring them along.
}
} Carrying on...
}
} (05) How can I convince Jodie Foster to drive iron spikes through my
} head?
}
} Actually surprised that one's never come up.
}
} (04) Is is is is is is is .... [several million repetitions of the
} word "is"] ... is is is is?
}
} > What?
}
} Speaking of being repetitive, supplicant...
}
} > What kind of question is that?
}
} Well, they're monkeys, right? As the Strange Eons pass, they'll type
} *everything*. And apparently the supplicants will ask anything...
}
} (03) What can I do in my second term as President that will most
} benefit America?
}
} (02) I'm the richest man in the world, but I feel really guilty about
} selling all this crappy software. How do I resolve this moral
} dilemma?
}
} ... and the Number One Unasked Question of the Internet Oracle:
}
}
} [dramatic pause]
}
}
} (01) How can I get more unsightly body hair?
}
} There you go.
}
} > Thanks, Oh Wise and Ponderous Oracle.
}
} No problem kid. This one comes up about every 412,857 questions. It's
} one of my favourites. You owe the Oracle...
}
} "Oh Oracle Most Wise!"
}
} Otis! I'm with a supplicant, what is it?
}
} "Scratch number 4."
}
} Lemme guess, the woman in Burbank who channels Philip Glass, right?
}
} "Right as always, Omniscient One."
}
} Great! I've been saving that response for sixty years!
}
} > Oracle, wait! What do I owe you?
}
} Hey, I'm down to nine! Call this one a freebie. I'll get the dame in
} Burbank to send me some canolis.
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