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} The Oracle, let it be known, HATES ill-defined questions. For, on an
} ill-defined question, the Oracle must Decide How To Answer, rather than
} merely Lying.
}
} Since the Questioner, in its utter filth, failed to properly define the
} word "BEST", the Oracle will use its own omniscent definition, AS
} FOLLOWS:
}
} 1) He/She/It must not have any religion. Religion fucks up people's
} minds, and they start going to church. Then they start doing things
} like masturbating to orgasm while reminding themselves they are not
} supposed to like it.
}
} 2) It must not be a Republican. Republicans make Campaign Contributions
} to Dan Quayle, wear Rolex watches, and eat artifically colored ice
} cream.
}
} 3) It must not be a Democrat. Democrats vote for whoever has the most
} trees on TV, drink gin till they throw up, and eat artificially flavored
} beef.
}
} Note that through the above qualifications, the Oracle has neatly
} eliminated 95% of American Youth. Other countries do not count.
} America is the only country that has Teenagers. In case the Questioner
} did not notice, the Oracle is proceeding by a process of Elimination,
} which continues:
}
} 4) It must score at least a 0173 on the Hacker Test. Non-Hackers are
} all scared that they might press the wrong keys on the keyboard.
}
} The above whacks off 99.999% of the remainder, leaving a pool of only
} 200 teenagers left.
}
} 5) It must either 1) Use no drugs at all, or 2) Use drugs daily in high
} doses. Wimps need not apply.
}
} Only 3 people in the United States between ages 13 and 19 now are left.
} Joe and Burt are jerks, so the grand winner of the Oracle's Best
} Teenager In The World Contest is:
}
} XXXXXXXXXX X. XXXXXXXXX
}
} Did the Questioner actually think the Oracle would _reveal_ the name of
} the Oracle-In-Training? After all that effort? Never! Never!
} Hahahahahaha!
}
} Better Luck Next Time.
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