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} As far as I'm aware, all of them do. Being omnipotent doesn't mean
} you've got time to do everything at once, you know, so they tend to
} share the load around. Here, let me give you an example.
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: Yahweh Elohim, Lord of Hosts
}
} Dear Supreme Being,
}
} Thanks again for accepting our bid for the ten plagues contract.
} As agreed, the following pestilences will be delivered to you for
} inflicting on the land of Egypt by Passover next:
}
} 1. Blood
} 2. Frogs
} 3. Gnats
} 4. Flies
} 5. Livestock
} 6. Boils
} 7. Hail
} 8. Locusts
} 9. Darkness
} 10. Death of the firstborn
}
} To maximise efficiency of resource utilisation, we will be engaging a
} number of reputable subcontractors to carry out some of the work. We
} will ensure that all this falls within the proposed budget, of course.
}
} Yours sincerely,
}
} Manny Truelove, Seraph i/c Miracles
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Sun Macrocosms
} To: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Dear Sir or Madam,
}
} We require clarification of your order for a plague of darkness. It
} already gets dark every night. There is no charge for this - it is
} part of the government contract.
}
} If you need darkness at some other time, please specify the hours. A
} sheet of our charges is attached.
}
} Yours faithfully,
}
} Fred Apollo, Solar Engineer
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Minor Mythologies (UK) Ltd.
} To: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} My dear Truelove,
}
} The trucks are ready to roll! They are loaded with herds of the finest
} British beef cattle, sheep, goats, pigs and assorted poultry. I believe
} we can confidently assure you of a livestock plague that will be
} remembered for years to come!
}
} Best wishes,
}
} Antonius Blair
} "Buy British!"
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Belial Biotechnology
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Manny,
}
} There's a slight snag on the frog delivery front - somebody's destroyed
} all the frog's eggs in the ponds for miles around. Vandals I suspect,
} or perhaps Visigoths.
}
} Fortunately, we do have a couple of ornamental horned toads in stock,
} and are at this moment encouraging them to breed. Ornamental horned
} toads have, proportionate to their body weight, the largest mouths on
} the planet, so they ought to make for a pretty scary plague, don't you
} think?
}
} Regards,
}
} Alexandra Kelly, Amphibious Supplies Manager
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: F. Apollo, Sun Macrocosms
}
} Dear Mr. Apollo,
}
} The client has an absolute requirement for a period of darkness of not
} less than 72 hours. As we are working to a strict budget, we cannot
} afford a full eclipse for that length of time at the price given on
} your chargesheet. I should be grateful if you could suggest a more
} economical alternative.
}
} Manny thanks,
}
} M. Truelove, Seraph i/c Miracles
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Quetzalcoatl Trading
} To: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Dear Mr. Truelove,
}
} I wish you could have given us more notice. There's been a run on
} our blood supplies recently - it'll be a relief when someone invents
} refrigeration so we can stockpile greater quantities. Our blood
} donors are working round the clock to meet your order but, this
} being the famine season, I'm not sure we can obtain enough to fill
} a whole major river system within the time available.
}
} Yours sincerely,
}
} Kevin Montezuma, Gore Merchant
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: Nordic Pantheons AG
}
} Thor
}
} Of *course* Egypt is in the desert, you idiot - I thought everybody
} knew that! Look, I need that plague of hail two weeks on Thursday, so
} don't give me a lot of doubletalk about climate patterns. Just do it!
}
} Manny
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: Yahweh Elohim, Lord of Hosts
}
} Dear God Almighty,
}
} Just to update you on progress. Our subcontractors working on blood,
} frogs, livestock and death of the firstborn are all on schedule for
} completion Passover next. There was a slight communications breakdown
} re hail, which I have personally sorted out. With respect to darkness,
} our subcontractor has come up with an interesting proposal. How do you
} feel about sunglasses for everyone?
}
} My own firm is taking care of all the insects. We've got seven separate
} swarms of locusts loaded up in transports ready for delivery. The gnats
} are also all set and, as for the flies - you'll love this - we've
} picked mayflies! We think these will make the ideal plague: not only
} do they look good, but it's all over and done with in a day, so there's
} no messy aftermath. We've got 200 hundredweight of pupae all timed to
} metamorphose into adults on the exact date of the deadline, no extra
} charge!
}
} Speaking of costs, our boils subcontractor informs me she cannot supply
} a sufficient number of individuals with pus-filled sores to spread a
} plague within the budget allocated. Apparently a recent upsurge in
} hygiene has driven up prices. Would zits be a suitable low-cost
} substitute for boils? There's never any shortage of spotty pubescents
} and, as we all know, if you pick at zits they spread like wildfire.
}
} Yours sincerely,
}
} Manny Truelove
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Minor Mythologies (UK) Ltd.
} To: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} My dear Manny,
}
} Disaster! It's those damn French farmers again! The minute our trucks
} disembarked at Calais, they were surrounded and set alight. Risk of
} BSE, the scoundrels claimed. Hah! Their filthy cheese isn't even
} pasteurised, so who are they to point the finger?
}
} The upshot is, we have several tons of charcoal-broiled beef, pork
} and mutton. I don't suppose you can do anything with these? Oh, and
} three French hens escaped the carnage. Because of their nationality,
} I expect. I'll send them over to you.
}
} Yours in sorrow,
}
} Antonius
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Quetzalcoatl Trading
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Dear Mr. Truelove,
}
} I appreciate that the deadline is now almost upon us. Unfortunately,
} it is also upon all but a handful of our blood donors. I hope you
} will consider honouring their sacrifice with a small donation to the
} bereaved families.
}
} The remaining nine donors are being sent to you together with a set
} of matching ritual obsidian knives (invoice attached) and the blood
} supplies we've extracted so far. I trust this will suffice to rustle
} up a smallish plague. Perhaps a creek rather than a river?
}
} Yours sincerely,
}
} Kevin Montezuma
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Arthur Hades, Hades Enterprises
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} *Firstborn*? I thought you said *frogspawn*! I've had my infernal
} minions out for weeks obliterating all the frog's eggs they could
} find. In future, kindly make yourself clear, dammit!
}
} A.H.
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Belial Biotechnology
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Manny,
}
} Sorry, no success in getting the ornamental horned toads to breed. I
} guess if my partner looked like that, I'd be reluctant too. As we've
} now reached the deadline, I'm sending them over to you. Try spiking
} their food dispenser with Viagra or something.
}
} Good luck,
}
} Alexandra
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Nordic Pantheons AG
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Manny
}
} Those six large white objects slowly melting in your goods bay are
} icebergs. So make your own bloody hail! And next time, give a proper
} job specification before you start hurling insults at people.
}
} Thor
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: F. Apollo, Sun Macrocosms
}
} Fred
}
} I asked for 4 *million* pairs of sunglasses, you only sent four! Where
} are the rest? The deadline for delivery was yesterday!
}
} Manny
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Egyptian Customs Control
} To: Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Sirs,
}
} Your transports carrying gnats, mayflies and locusts are
} not accompanied by correctly filled-out customs clearance papers.
} They will be held at the border until we receive proper documentation.
} You are advised to hurry as there is no cover for your transports here,
} and it gets rather hot round about noon.
}
} Yours faithfully,
}
} Sheik Yabouti, Customs Official
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Epidemics 'R' Us
} To: Manny Truelove; Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
}
} Dear Mr. Truelove,
}
} As requested, I have sent the zit-infested pubescents directly to your
} client to minimise delay. So you should only be a couple of days behind
} schedule. Please do not worry about the fact that there are only ten of
} the young fellows: they are very, *very* spotty. I'm sure they will be
} equal to the task in hand.
}
} Sincerely,
}
} Mary Walker, Vice President for Communicable Diseases
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} From: Bill Zebub; Driver, Cherubim, Seraphim & Co.
} To: Manny Truelove
}
} Manny
}
} Where the hell are those documents? We're already seven days past
} deadline, the locusts are fainting in the heat, the gnats have escaped
} except for a few dead ones, and all but eight of the mayfly pupae have
} now moulted, so they'll be dead too by the time they're delivered!
}
} Bill
} ----------------------------------------------------------------------
} Heaven, Internal Memo
} From: JHVH
} To: Archangel Gabriel
}
} Gabe,
}
} On the 10th day past completion date, Manny Truelove sent to me:
}
} 10 pubescents picking
} 9 donors donating
} 8 mayflies moulting
} 7 swarms swooning
} 6 icebergs melting
} 5 dead gnats
} 4 sunglasses
} 3 French hens
} 2 horned toads
} and a bill for $1,706,522.93
}
} Remind me not to use these guys for the parting of the Dead Sea
} project.
}
} The Boss
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