|
} ZaaaaaaaaDOOOOOOOOOOC!
}
} <Zadoc leaps into the room, swiftly crossing to the rug in front of the
} Oracle's throne. No small feat, since he never left his knees>
}
} Zadoc: Um, yes your lordfulness?
}
} Oracle: Do you mind telling me what this is all about?
}
} <He hands Zadoc the invitation. Zadoc's face whitens as he reads it.>
}
} Zadoc: Um, well, you see...
}
} Oracle: OUT WITH IT!
}
} Zadoc: Um, well, that is... See, Kendai and I were watching a re-run of
} DS9, and we thought it would be cool to see what the alternate of this
} universe would be like.
}
} Oracle: And you found?
}
} Zadoc: That in the nega-verse, the Internet Oracle's name is Zadoc, and
} he's not as kind and forgiving as yourself.
}
} Oracle: Hmmm. So, the nega-Zadoc is evil, has overthrown the
} nega-Oracle, and has now travelled to our universe to overthrow me as
} well. Well, since the Nega-Zadoc is here, in this universe, I believe I
} will travel to the nega-universe to visit the priests there and find
} out more about him.
}
} <Cut to the Oracle and Zadoc altering the controls to the transporter
} pad. They set the transporter to go automatically and step on the
} pads.>
}
} <Cut to a darkened hallway. Torches line the walls. Zadoc and the
} Oracle materialize. Suddenly, a gigantic rodent barrels down the
} hallway, almost knocking Zadoc and the Oracle over.>
}
} Zadoc: Good god! What was that!
}
} Oracle: Something I was afraid of. A gigantic w**dc**k.
}
} Zadoc: <shudder>
}
} Oracle: If this temple is a negative of my temple, then I believe, if
} we go right, we should... aha!
}
} <The two enter what appears to be a lab of some sort>
}
} Zadoc: What the heck is in those cages?
}
} Oracle: Dark green nepalese hippie hamsters. Milligram for milligram,
} the most peace-loving creatures that ever existed.
}
} <Just then a priest enters the room>
}
} Priest: Your highness, you aren't wearing black!
}
} Oracle <to Zadoc>: My god! It's nega-Paul Kelly!
}
} Priest: What? My name is Saul M. Deli! Your greatness, Are you OK?
}
} Oracle: Actually, I don't believe you would consider me OK. You see,
} I'm the Oracle in...
}
} Priest: Silence Supplicant! I was speaking to the Oracle!
}
} Oracle: Oh yes, of course. I'm sure his worshipfulness was just about
} to ask where the other priests are.
}
} Zadoc: Um yes. Where are the other priests?
}
} Saul: Well, Cross Remnant is playing lawn darts with Blythe Dolan,
} Curtis Bile is draining the moat, and I think Mugsy Aberdeen and the
} rest are at the woodchuck festival.
}
} Zadoc <to Oracle>: Gasp! He said the word without asterixes!
}
} <Just then, a w**dc**k walks into the room and begins to nuzzle against
} Saul>
}
} Oracle: This is indeed a horrible universe, the w**dc**ks here are
} friendly! but it gives me an idea. It's already 2:30, we have to hurry.
} Find out if the nega-Zadoc left his staff of Zot here and let's get out
} of here.
}
} Zadoc: Saul, do you know where I put my staff of Zot?
}
} Saul: Staff of... Oh! Good one, your reversiness. But, I believe you
} took your staff of Toz with you this morning.
}
} Oracle: Damn. Ok, let's get out of here.
}
} <Cut to a grassy field, reminiscent of the battle scene in
} "Braveheart">
}
} Oracle <glancing at his watch>: It's 2:59, he'll be here any minute. Is
} everything all set?
}
} Zadoc: Yep. I did what you asked me too. Here's your anti-grav belt.
}
} <At that point, a darkly-clad Zadoc reaches the top of the hill on the
} other side of the valley>
}
} Nega-Zadoc: So! You actually showed up. But you won't be here for long
} once I give you a taste of my ... Staff of Toz!
}
} <Nega-Zadoc fires off a shot at the Oracle, who fires a zot in defense.
} The two blasts collide and cancel each other out.>
}
} Nega-Zadoc: Ha! We cancel each other out perfectly. Well, I guess I'll
} just have to use my secret weapon!
}
} <A forklift brings a humungous box up behind Nega-Zadoc>
}
} Oracle <in a trembling voice>: Wha... what's in the box?
}
} Nega-Zadoc: Well, it seems one of your priests ratted you out. I
} received a telegram a half-hour ago informing me that your greatest
} fear is...
}
} <He flips a lever and the sides of the box fall away>
}
} Nega-Zadoc: Woodchucks!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
}
} <Hundreds of w**dc**ks pour out of the box>
}
} Oracle: Ha ha! You've forgotten one thing!
}
} Nega-Zadoc: And what's that?
}
} Oracle: The w**dc**ks in your universe may be friendly,
}
} <Suddenly, a woodchuck jumps up and bites Nega-Zadoc's arm off in a
} comical, Monty Python fashion.>
}
} Oracle: But this is your nega-universe! They're nasty and evil here!
}
} <Nega-Zadoc screams as the horde of woodchucks piles on him. Slowly,
} the screams fade away. The w**dc**ks turn their attention on the Oracle
} and Zadoc. As they cross the field, Nega-Zadoc's empty cloak can be
} seen on the ground>
}
} Oracle: Now, Zadoc!
}
} <Zadoc and the Oracle activate their anti-grav belts, floating away to
} safety>
}
} <Later, in the Oracle's temple>
}
} Kendai: So the whole place was a backwards version of here?
}
} Oracle: Yep. It was even located in Anaidni!
}
} Kendai: Crazy. Bet you guys are glad to be out of there, away from all
} that backward stuff.
}
} Oracle: Well, it wasn't all bad. I did bring something back to make my
} job easier. Hey! PMD!
}
} <The Oracle claps his hands and a dishevelled youth enters the room>
}
} PMD: You can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. Rectum? He
} damn near killed 'em. And so the farmer says, "But aren't those *my*
} suspenders you're wearing?"
}
} Kendai: Who's that?
}
} Oracle: A supplicant ... who gives me *answers*! Ha ha!
}
} <Everyone laughs merrily at this joke, then they all freeze as the
} credits begin to scroll upwards>
}
} You owe the Oracle a guest-star in the next episode. Preferrably one of
} the "Bay Watch" babes.
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
