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} <End intro of sad supplicant pleading with the oracle>
}
} <cut to title screen>
}
} THERE'S STILL HOPE Brought to you by the Church of Orrie of Latter
} Day Supplicants
}
} <camera cuts back to the Oracle, who puts on a "sad" face>
}
} Supplicant, I'm afraid I can't answer that question. You see, you're
} being what is known in the psychological world as a "killjoy."
} Come with me and we'll talk.
}
} <supplicant and Oracle start walking along a stone path in a park>
}
} I know you feel strongly about this, but you have to understand that
} the year "2000" is as arbitrary as "Wednesday." There's no real reason
} people shouldn't celebrate 2000. But you're intent on ruining the fun,
} I see.
}
} Supplicant: No, it's not that I want to ruin fun, its that it's
} incorrect! Can't they see that...
}
} Oracle: Now, now, don't deny it. You used to ban the Free Parking
} pot, right?
}
} Supplicant: Yes! It wasn't in the rules!
}
} Oracle: And at camp, when you were 14, you told on the other boys
} who were sneaking over to spy on the girls' camp, right?
}
} Supplicant: YES! There are lots of dangers in the woods at night...
} they could've been hurt! I was just doing what was sensible!
}
} Oracle: Hey! It's ok! I understand! You needn't be ashamed of your
} condition, many people suffer from it. Only recently with the Y2K thing
} did we realize how severe the problem was. That's why we here at the
} temple decided to launch the "Killjoy Fellowship Community," in the
} hopes of bringing people like yourself back into the fold of normalcy.
}
} <the two reach a pair of large, white doors, which open with an
} ominous creak. A badly dubbed in Star Trek door sound effect starts
} a second or so after the door begins to open>
}
} Supplicant: Wow. The entire building is one long hallway.
}
} Oracle: Yes, supplicant, that's right. This way, we can monitor all
} of our projects at once.
}
} Supplicant: What're all these pieces of paper on this bulletin board?
}
} Oracle: Those are Tellme's I've received that all ask how we can
} convince people that the new millenium hasn't started yet.
}
} Supplicant: *All* those people asked before I did?
}
} Oracle: Yes. Sad, isn't it? Of course, we have your other Tellme that
} asks the same thing in different words up there as well.
}
} Supplicant <blush>
}
} Oracle: Anyway, if you'll come with me, I can show you what goes on
} here at the KFC.
}
} <They come to a window looking into a room which contains half a dozen
} people, each of which is bedraggled and wearing a hospital robe and
} wandering aimlessly around the room muttering to themselves>
}
} Supplicant: Are they...
}
} Oracle: Yes. People who've spent years planning New Years parties
} for January 1, 2001, only to have their fun pulled out from under
} them a year early.
}
} Supplicant: But they're right! The rest of the world is wrong!
}
} <Suddenly, one of the men in the room charges the window>
}
} Killjoy: 2001!! 2001! It's math! Come to my party! COME TO MY PARTY!
} <sob> I'm all alone!
}
} Supplicant: I'm scared!
}
} Oracle: Don't worry, he can't see you.
}
} Supplicant: No, I mean...
}
} Oracle: I know. Come along, lets see the therapy room.
}
} <The next window looks in on a man in what appears to be an electric
} chair. A blonde nurse standing next to him is holding a series of
} flash cards>
}
} Nurse: Now I'll show you a picture and you tell me if it's fun or not.
}
} Killjoy: <first card> Balloons, yes they're fun. <next card> Silly
} hats, I guess they're fun. <next card> The NYE2000 at Times Square...
} was ... rrrnnnnnggggg ... fffff fuuuuu... nnnnnnnn..... gaaaaaaah!
} It's a lie! It's a lie! It's a year early you fools! It's...
}
} <Nurse throws a switch and the Killjoy starts twitching in the chair.
} His hair tweaks in strange directions>
}
} Supplicant: You're electrocuting him!
}
} Oracle: No, no, it's therapy to help him build up a mental block to
} tell him that it's not nice to ruin people's fun with facts. Later,
} when he wakes up, we'll read to him from one of the most fact-free
} pseudo-science authors ever.
}
} Supplicant: Crichton?
}
} Oracle. Yep. Come along, let's meet some of our successful entrants.
}
} <Oracle and supplicant walk out the back door to a bright, sunlit park.
} Several people in pastel polo shirts are sitting around a bench
} talking animatedly>
}
} Reformed Killjoy #1: Orrie! We were just talking about you.
}
} Oracle: Really? I didn't know.
}
} <everyone chuckles>
}
} Oracle: So Robbie, how's your sister doing?
}
} Reformed Killjoy #1: Well, she's keeping the baby from the one-night
} stand with the rock star, and next week she's marrying that cabbie
} she met last month who doesn't speak English.
}
} Supplicant: What? How are they supposed to...
}
} <Oracle cuts him off>
}
} Oracle: Dave, I saw you got digested in 1145.
}
} Reformed Killjoy #3: Yes. #7. Thank you. And thank Tim.
}
} Reformed Killjoy #4: 1237 percent increase after taking over Microsoft.
} <chuckle> Makes their stock jump 1237 points. He he. That was funny.
}
} Supplicant: But 1237 points isn't 1237 percent! You're idiots!
}
} Reformed Killjoy #1: Oh, Orrie! <smiling> Did you sneak a new patient
} on us and not tell us?
}
} Oracle: Aw, you caught me!
}
} Supplicant: What? I'm not staying! I have work tomorrow! I have things
} to do! I...
}
} <Reformed Killjoys start rising from the table and moving to surround
} the Supplicant>
}
} Supplicant: You can't do this! There're laws! People will notice
} I'm gone!
}
} Oracle: Yes, but once your friends and family find out WHERE you've
} gone, they won't complain.
}
} Reformed Killjoy #3: Yes supplicant <starting to look rather
} Morlock-ish> Welcome.
}
} Reformed Killjoy #1: You'll soon be one of us...
}
} Supplicant: Gaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!
}
}
} You owe the Oracle no more questions on this topic.
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