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} Oh, come on, supplicant. Every schoolchild knows that one plus one
} equals ONE, not TWO. You're telling me you were unaware of this fact?
}
} Oh, I get it. You're one of those skeptical types who wants
} "evidence" for everything. Right. Well, here you go, FIVE proofs
} that 1 + 1 = 1:
}
} ======================================================================
} 1. The Algebraic Proof
}
} Let: a = 1
} b = 1
}
} a = b
} a^2 = ab
} a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
} (a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
} a + b = b
} 1 + 1 = 1
}
} ======================================================================
} 2. The Algebra Teacher's Proof
}
} OK, everyone, now open your textbooks to page ... 103. No ... 102.
} There, now, oh, uh...
}
} Alright, now first let's review yesterday's lesson. Now, to prove
} that one plus one equals...
}
} Why isn't the overhead projector working?
}
} Oh, I see. [plugs it in]
}
} Now to prove that...
}
} Oh. Alright, let me get a new bulb. Just a minute.
}
} There.
}
} Now, first we see that:
}
} a^2 + b^2 = c^2
}
} Oh, uh. Let me get the right book out...
}
} Now first-
}
} Kevin, I've warned you about that once already.
}
} Now, first we see that:
}
} a = b
}
} Then:
}
} a + a = a + b
}
} No, wait.
}
} OK, we see that:
}
} a^2 = ab
}
} And-
}
} What, are we out of time already? Alright, we'll continue tomorrow.
} Your assigned chapters are on the board, just below the "Algebra is
} Fun!" sign.
}
} ======================================================================
} 3. The Algebra Teacher's Proof (Whole Math)
}
} OK, everyone, now arrange your desks in this pattern show here... No,
} wait, uh, this pattern.
}
} Good, now take a look at this stylized drawing of a "1..."
}
} 1
}
} Now, see when I...
}
} Oh, uh, I think I need a new bulb. Just a minute...
}
} Now, see when I draw these arrows, like this...
} |
} \|/
} --> 1 <---
} |
}
} There, that represents-
}
} Kevin...
}
} Ok, now that represents all the sets containing a "1." Now, when I
} draw another "1", next to it, like, uh...
} | /|\
} \|/ |
} --> 1 <--- <--- 1 --->
} | \|/
}
} There, now we see how a set can both contain and not contain a "1..."
}
} Now, the point is, uh, what is point? Uh...
}
} Oh, are we out of time already? Alright, we'll continue tomorrow.
} Your assigned Group Activities are on the board, just below the
} "Whole Algebra is Fun!" sign.
}
} ======================================================================
} 4. The Political Proof
}
} POLITICIAN #1: Look, all I'm saying is that your claim isn't true.
} You can't say that without me calling you on it.
}
} POLITICIAN #2: How do you know that it's false?
}
} #1: Look, I *know* you aren't Luke Skywalker.
}
} #2: That's typical Washington Insider reasoning. I'm an outsider
} here. My campaign isn't crawling with lobbyists telling me that
} I'm not Luke Skywalker. Maybe you should listen to the American
} people more.
}
} #1: Can you prove that you are Luke Skywalker?
}
} #2: Why don't *you* prove that I'm not?
}
} #1: Well, if you can be Luke Skywalker, then I can be Han Solo.
} And good can be evil. And positive can be negative. And one
} plus can equal-
}
} #2: *I'm* not the one going negative. I promised a positive campaign.
} And stop interrupting me.
}
} #1: You're the one being negative here.
}
} #2: No, *you* are.
}
} #1: Am not.
}
} #2: Are too.
}
} #1: Am not.
}
} #2: Are too...
}
} ======================================================================
} 5. The Religious Proof
}
} ... for the LORD GOD called upon ME to tell YOU, yes YOU, that
} math-AH-matics is of SATAN! Yes, SATAN! For the NUMBERS THEMSELVES
} are of the BEAST, the most FOUL and CRUEL of SATAN'S MINIONS! For ALL
} the NUMBERS can be CREATED with THREE SIXES! THREE SIXES, I say! Now
} look upon this PROJECTION from GOD ABOVE ...
}
} Why isn't the overhead projector working?
}
} [to projector] If you believe in the LORD, be HEEEEEEAAAALED! [thump]
}
} There, now the LOOORD JEEESUS ALMIGHTY has shown me that:
}
} 0 = (6 - 6) / 6
}
} Yes, SIX minus SIX OOOVER SIX. Why, the FORNICATION, the FILLLLLTH...
} the BEAST HIMSELF has CREATED this number from the PITS of the DAMNED.
}
} And look NOW, LOOK if you DARE to ALLOW YOURSELF, UPON THIS projection
} from GAWWWWWWWWD HIMSELF:
}
} 1 = (6 / 6) ^ 6
}
} YES, SIX over SIX to the SIXTH power. Can you feel the POWER of
} JESUS, I ask? Can you? For if you CANNOT, the TEMPTATIONS of SATAN
} will OVERCOME your SOUL, and YOU will be DAMNED TO THE INNERMOST
} CIRCLE of HELL. Speaking of circles:
}
} sin(pi) = (6 - 6) / 6
}
} Yes, the SIN of the BEAST is WITHIN every CIRCLE! The EVIL is WITHIN-
}
} What, are we out of time already? Alright then, we'll continue next
} week...
}
} ======================================================================
} You owe the Oracle a suffusion of yellow.
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