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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Egor: "More questions for the master, yes, yes, more questions for the > master..." > > Oracle: "Er, Igor-" > > Egor: "That's Egor, master, yes, yes" > > Oracle: "Egor, then. Egor, I think that you're not quite suited for the > position of Oracular in-joke-" > > Egor: "Does the master want to whip me, chain me?" > > Oracle: "Er, no. I'd like you to leave." > > Egor: "Why does the master abandon his loyal Egor?" > > Oracle: "I really don't see how I can be abandoning you; I only met you > three minutes ago." > > Egor: "Does the master not like my hunch, my raving, my glass eye?" > > Oracle: "Er, no. And I'm the Oracle. Look, can you leave?" > > Egor: "If that is what the master wishes." > > Oracle: "It is." > > [Egor leaves. Zadoc enters.] > > Oracle: "Who's next?"

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Zadoc:  Well, sir, my honored lord, there's Felicia the Flippant, Tommy } the Three-eyed all-man... } } Oracle:  Enough!  Zadoc, explain to me again why we need more } in-jokes... } } Zadoc:  Why, you approved my vacation last week, m'lord. } } Oracle:  Zadoc, as you well know, I am reincarnated every time someone } asks me a question.  With infinite knowledge and wisdom, but not } infinite memory.  So you'll excuse me if I say - - not to be mean, } mind, but to suggest the possibility - - that you saw your chance with } the last supplicant and slipped in my briefing this time that I } accepted your proposal for a vacation. } } Zadoc: } } Oracle:  I beg your pardon. } } Zadoc:  Oh, my most forgiving and awe-inspiringly gratuitous Lord, I } have not had a vacation in ages-- } } Oracle:  Menservants usually don't... } } Zadoc:  And I so wanted one, my - - } } ***ZOT*** } } Oracle:  Damn.  Now I really _do_ need a new in-joke.  Bring in Felicia } the Flippant!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > I'm going in circles! > > Ha Ha!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ewwww, most of us don't care to know the last thoughts of feces.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If Evolution favors the strong and the smart shouldn't sooner or later > the explosion in USENET groups stop as a few more powerful groups > devour them? What groups will be left after the Great Shake Down?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Unfortunately, my crystal ball is a little fuzzy at the moment.  (I } *told* Zadoc not to mess with things he doesn't understand, and now } there's a big crack down the middle of it.  And my supplier has a } three-week backlog due to all the political analysts buying up supplies } for the U.S. presidential race.  Sigh.)  But I'll try to see what I can } see. } } The winners after the Great Shake Down will be the following groups: } (Note: Most of these are hierarchies right now, but after the Shake } Down, the Cabal will start with really large groups and let the } participants start subdividing them all over again.) } } * comp.os.ms-windows.  Microsoft has already infiltrated everything }      else in life; once they figure out that Usenet is where the *real* }      power lies, they'll be all over it. } } * rec.arts.startrek.  Star Trek can't be killed.  NBC tried in the 60s. }      Some say Paramount tried to kill it with Star Trek V. }      But Trekkies will exist forever. } } * alt.sex.  If there wasn't sex on Usenet, 90% of the traffic would }      die. 'Nuf said. } } * clari.living.comics.foxtrot.  In what other comic strip can you find }      poetry like this: }       "I think I shall never see }        A poem as lovely as a binary tree ..." }   FoxTrot will live on in the hearts of all hackers.  (Unless Lisa }   manages to infiltrate the Cabal, in which case it might end up }   being clari.living.comics.forbetter which survives instead ...) } } * alt.swedish.chef.bork.bork.bork.  Never underestimate the power of }      someone you can't understand wielding a knife.  That's how the }      Great Shake Down will start ... } } * rec.pets.mice.  No one will quite understand why this group suddenly }      appears after the Shake Down.  But strangely enough, it }      becomes the most popular group of all.  (Personally, I think the }      mice know, but they're not telling.) } } * rec.humor.oracle.  Of course.  You think *I'd* allow it to die? } } There you have it ... the new "big 7" groups. } } You owe the Oracle two new clerks to field all of the "How do I } compose a SQL query" posts which will get directed at rec.humor.oracle } after the Shake Down ends.  (Sigh.  I can see it coming ...)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and wonderful Oracle, bigger than any 16-wheeler ever, > > If I marry my girlfriend, will she still be my cousin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Bill, listen up. You.are.still.married.to.Hillary.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great bastion of wisdom, oh fount of knowledge, oh grand and > wondrous Oracle, grant your humble servant this one request... > > Can you help me move next Saturday?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Uh, no, but if you eat lots of fiber on Friday it should help.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wise and knowledgable Oracle, ever so in sync with the ways of the > feline, > > What would the world be like if there existed two species; humans and > cat-humanoids? Would catgirls look as cute in real life as they do in > anime?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you misunderstood when your buddies told you that you } need to get a little pussy. } } You owe the Oracle a 'G' rating.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle who hates jayhawks with a passion, > > How can I avoid the state of misery?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Stay quietly on the other side of the river in Illinoisy.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and mighty oracle most wise, a question has perplexed me from > time untold, > > Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes??

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's a little-known fact that if you were to shave a zebra, not only } would you piss it off pretty well, but you would reveal (for the short } life-span you have left) the fact that the zebra's skin is striped as } well.  No one knows why this is, however, seeing as how the only way a } zebra would lose its hair would be for some jerk to shave it off to see } what color its skin was, and the zebra would no doubt mule-kick the guy } before he got far enough to make all that much difference. } } You owe the Oracle a zebra-skin rug.  Oh, all right, a _fake_ } zebra-skin rug, so we don't offend all the animal rights wakos out } there.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and wonderous Oracle, who demands nothing less than > perfection, please tell me... > > With all the tributes people send to you, do you ever have supplicants > send you the wrong things?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Funny you asked, since I was just reviewing the tribute closet } inventory the other day.  Apparently many supplicants are downright } illiterate.  Just look at this list: } } A cartridge in a bare tree (okay, maybe this one was a joke) } Ten grams of Coca-Cola } Certificate for a free trip to Rome, Georgia } All the change from Donald Trump's sofa cushions } A rabbit's butt } A cracked pipe } The heart of a young boy (in a jar, unfortunately; supplicants are so }   literal) } A bed from Hill Gates Retirement Home in West Palm Beach, FL } } And I can't count the truckloads of gravel delivered to the Temple. } } You owe the Oracle--oh, forget it.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> To the almighty oracle > What is the deal with chicks?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Same as with any other creature. One card each and if you lose your } place deal the next card to youself and then go backwards until all } the cards are dealt. } } You owe the Oracle a partner that uses the phony one club opening.