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} In the depths of the Pentagon, a smoke-filled room hosts a top-secret
} meeting, which I can now bring you via Zotovision ("now in fabulous
} color!").
}
} (wibble-wobble-wibble-wobble)
}
} General Z: Oh, damnit gentlemen, I just love sitting atop a huge world
} cleansing arsenal.
}
} General Y: Yes indeed, sure beats hemorrhoids.
}
} General X: Well, indeed... but, you know, there's one thing that's been
} bothering me.
}
} Z: Really, X, what the hell's that?
}
} X: Well, you know... We've spent many years now amassing this large
} pile of nuclear explosives, and they do look pretty and all, but it
} just makes me think.
}
} Y: About what?
}
} X: Uhh... well, maybe they'd look better on the mantlepiece than in the
} garden.
}
} Z: Dammit, X, you know my rosegarden won't look nearly so God-damn good
} without atomic warheads peeking cheekily between the flowers.
}
} Y: What brought all this on, General X?
}
} X: Well, one morning I was walking down the path towards the
} greenhouse, and when I passed the privet hedge between the ICBM silos,
} it just occurred to me that we might have forgotten something during
} the landscaping process.
}
} Y: And what would that be?
}
} X: Well, these bombs and all... they explode, don't they?
}
} Z: God damnit, X, what's the matter with you?
}
} X: I'm just concerned that we haven't fully explored the consequences
} of owning a large arsenal of big bangy things.
}
} Z: Hell, you're turning into a damn commie. I knew we shouldn't have
} let you dress up as John Lennon in last year's pageant.
}
} Y: Are you alleging that these explosives may be dangerous, General X?
}
} X: Well, only if they go off.
}
} Y: And you believe that would be dangerous?
}
} X: Well, I figure that if they explode, we might... well, we might get
} hurt.
}
} Z: Damnit, the nerds down in N Division Labs went into all that. The
} bombs only kill four classes of people: (1) Damn commies. (2)
} Long-haired flag-burners. (3) Assholes with guns. (4) Assholes without
} guns.
}
} Y: You see, X? Nothing to do with us.
}
} X: But they weren't fully tested outside of combat. When that warhead
} exploded in Cleveland last year - the one we hushed up, remember? -
} there was a report of a short-haired leaf-burner being slightly
} bruised. How do we know innocent Americans wouldn't be injured? More to
} the point, how do we know *we* wouldn't? And, at any rate, General Z is
} kind of an asshole.
}
} Y: I see. Hmmm... maybe some sort of shelter would be advisable?
}
} Z: A shelter?! If there was a war, I'd have to go into a damn shelter?
} I wouldn't be able to see any damn fireworks! I love god damn
} fireworks, and at least I wouldn't have to pay for a damn ticket.
}
} X: Well, Z could stay out of the shelter if he wanted. But maybe we
} should build some?
}
} Y: Right. I'll get onto the approved contractors and see about getting
} them built. How much do they cost again?
}
} X: Well, say $15 million per shelter per 100 people. How many people
} are there in the United States again?
}
} Z: Too damn many. They're all damn commies and long-haired assholes
} without guns.
}
} Y: At any rate, there is no way we could afford to protect all those
} civilians. I vote we don't bother about them and just build a decent
} shelter for the three of us.
}
} X: Well, that sounds fine to me. I second it.
}
} Z: Damn right. Motion carried.
}
} Y: I'll put it in the minutes. Now, General Z... you had something to
} say about your department's harnessing of the energy of ZOT?
}
} Whoops, I'd better stop it there. Don't want to give away any trade
} secrets.
}
} (wibble-wobble-wibble-wobble)
}
} You owe the Oracle a more powerful ZOT to get through Zadoc's shelter
} shielding.
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