|
} [Scene: stock footage of Acme Labs, and suddenly we're inside. There's
} a cage on a table nearby, with tons of pseudo-scientific equipment as a
} backdrop. The camera goes towards the cage, and we can see two mice
} going about what could definitely be described as un-mouselike duties:
} the thin and tall one is bouncing about, apparently quite giddy, and the
} short stocky one is mulling over what can only be miniaturized
} blueprints. The tall one stops bouncing momentarily as a rare
} occurrence takes place: a thought crosses his mind. Thus consumed, he
} turns to his companion.]
}
} Pinky: Gee, Brain, what're we going to do tonight?
}
} Brain: What we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world!
}
} Chorus:
} "They're Pinky and the Brain,
} They're Pinky and the Brain;
} One is a genius, the other's insane.
} To prove their mousy worth,
} They'll overthrow the Earth;
} They're Pinky,
} Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain
} Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain,
} Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain!"
}
} Brain: That song makes my head hurt, Pinky.
}
} Pinky: Narf!
}
} Brain: My plans for taking over the world have all ended in failure,
} Pinky, and do you know why?
}
} Pinky: Um ... bad hygiene?
}
} Brain: No.
}
} Pinky: Er ... you're topologically unsound?
}
} Brain: This is a game that could take centuries to complete. I'll just
} tell you, shall I?
}
} Pinky: Oh, goody.
}
} Brain: I've never bothered to ask for advice. All I have for an
} assistant is a brain-dead simpleton who couldn't add two sums and get a
} whole number.
}
} Pinky: I've got plenty of holes, Brain.
}
} Brain: Don't tempt me, Pinky. But this is all going to change. At
} long last, I have found an advisor worthy of my immense cranial
} capacity, a wonder of knowledge and wisdom far surpassing any mortal!
}
} Pinky: Dwight Yokum?!
}
} [Brain wallops Pinky with a rolled-up blueprint.]
}
} Brain: No. I speak of none other than: The Internet Oracle!
}
} [Insert angelic choir here]
}
} Pinky: [Awed tone] Wow. [Beat] Who's he, then?
}
} Brain: Apparently, he's some sort of deity that was trapped by a mortal
} into answering questions to various geeks around the globe. I have sent
} an e-mail to him asking how I might best take over the world, and his
} response is due any time now.
}
} Pinky: I knew a geek once. He bit the head off my favourite chicken.
}
} Brain: [stunned momentarily, then decides to go on regardless] Shall
} we?
}
} [Pinky nods, and pulls out from under his bed a carton of cartoon
} holes. They place one over the cage door, and easily step from the cage
} to the lab. -Much- easier than picking the lock, wouldn't you say?]
}
} [They scurry on over to the computer, and Pinky does the muscle work in
} pressing the POWER button. In true cartoon-style, they don't even have
} to wait for it to boot up, and the e-mail program launches
} automatically.]
}
} Brain: [peering at the screen] It's here, Pinky! Look! [He points to
} an incoming e-mail whose subject reads "The Oracle Replies!"] Quickly,
} Pinky; the mouse!
}
} Pinky: [frightened] A mouse?! Where?!
}
} Brain: The big half-spherical grey thing!
}
} Pinky: Oh, well why didn't you just say so. [Begins to move the mouse
} about with only a modicum of difficulty.] Where would you like it,
} Brain?
}
} Brain: Put the mouse down, Pinky, back on the mat. Remember how I
} showed you?
}
} Pinky: Narf! Sure thing, Brain. [Sets the mouse down rather heavily
} on his right foot. He cries out in pain, pulls his throbbing red foot
} out from underneath, and begins hopping about in agony]
}
} Brain: Thank you, Pinky. I'll just use the keyboard. [He hops around
} on the arrow keys for a bit until the message is selected, and then hits
} the ENTER key. The message pops up, and he begins scrolling down with
} the arrows.] Hmmm. It seems that the Oracle is more inclined towards
} humour than helping me with my current dilemma. Pinky, are you
} pondering what I'm pondering?
}
} Pinky: I think so, Brain; but I don't think icicles -grow- in Bermuda.
}
} Brain: Never mind, Pinky. I'm afraid we'll have to go to Plan B!
}
} [Insert stunningly evil crescendo]
}
} Pinky: Do we even -have- a Plan B, Brain?
}
} Brain: We always have a Plan B! It just usually ends up being Plan A
} in the next episode.
}
} Pinky: Whoopee! We get to go to Plan B! We get to go to Plan B! [Hops
} up and down, dances around a bit, and gets bonked on the head by Brain
} again.] Narf!
}
} Brain: Down, Pinky. This plan is quite dangerous: we have to go to
} Arabia!
}
} Pinky: Ooooo, I've always wanted a baby of my very own, Brain!
}
} Brain: A-RAB-I-A, not a-baby-a! We need to find the famous Aladdin's
} Lamp!
}
} [A very large segue later, Brain and Pinky are in a desert, dressed in
} Arabian garb and shielding themselves from the ever-present winds.
} Brain appears to be consulting an oversized map of some sort.]
}
} Brain: Over there, Pinky! According to the satellite feed, there's a
} huge cavern just underneath the sand someplace.
}
} Pinky: Um, Brain?
}
} Brain: Not now, Pinky. We've got to find an entrance to the
} subterranean depths.
}
} Pinky: But Brain --
}
} Brain: I said not now, Pinky. [Turns the map around a couple of times]
} It's so difficult to read these things...
}
} Pinky: Brain!
}
} Brain: What, Pinky?! [Looks towards him only to see Pinky's head
} barely sticking out of the sand, and sinking fast. His eyes go wide.]
} Hold your breath, Pinky! I think you've found something! [He dives in
} to the quasi-quicksand, and they both go under.]
}
} [New scene: it's dark. That's pretty much it.]
}
} Pinky: Brain?
}
} Brain: Yes, Pinky?
}
} Pinky: Where are we?
}
} Brain: We must be underneath the surface of the desert. If my
} calculations are correct, Aladdin's Lamp must be nearby!
}
} Pinky: But Brain?
}
} Brain: Yes, Pinky?
}
} Pinky: Can you see?
}
} Brain: No. But that will not stop us from being successful in our
} objective!
}
} Pinky: But how are we supposed to find this thingy if we can't look
} for it?
}
} Brain: I've got a flashlight around here somewhere. Here it is.
}
} [With an echoy *click*, we can just make out the dim shapes of Pinky
} and the Brain standing in a just-sized-for-them cavern, holding an
} oversized flashlight between them.]
}
} Pinky: Brilliant, Brain. But how did you carry the flashlight all
} this way?
}
} Brain: The miracles of modern cartooning, my dim-witted friend.
} Forward, march!
}
} [The two mice make their way more or less evenly along the impossibly
} small cavern. Cut scenes show them crawling over cave-ins, digging
} through blocked passageways, and in many other ways traversing what is,
} to them, a mighty big series of tunnels. Finally they manage to crawl
} into a huge cave, and the flashlight's glow magnifies a hundred times,
} as if intensified.]
}
} Pinky: Brain! It's be-you-tiful!
}
} [Indeed it is. There is gold, silver, and various other shiny baubles
} piled up everywhere in the cave, with a shimmering dirt path snaking its
} way through to a far wall.]
}
} Brain: Come, Pinky! Leave the gold; we have greater things ahead of
} us!
}
} [The two rodents race down the golden path, through the door inset the
} far wall, and beyond. After a long race, they finally make their way to
} a towering pillar placed in the middle of an underground lake.
} Together, they make their way up the steps, each aiding the other in
} taking the first, second, third, twenty-seventh, thirty-fourth, five
} hundredth step upwards. Finally, gasping and heaving, they make it to
} the top, where a cylinder of light envelops a glistening object.]
}
} Pinky: It doesn't look like much, Brain.
}
} Brain: Appearances can be deceiving. There is no doubt an entire realm
} of magical properties trapped within that deceptively subtle-looking
} lamp.
}
} Pinky: [Awed] Naaaarf.
}
} [Brain pulls out a large bag from somewhere off-screen, takes a good
} look at the lamp, and pours some dirt from the bag, weighing it in his
} hands before he dumps about half the bag off the side of the pillar.
} Finally, after much hemming and hawing, he makes the switch!]
}
} Brain: [Holding the lamp above his head] I've got it!
}
} [There is an audible *CLICK*, and then a small rumbling begins. The
} bag of dirt begins to sink into the pillar.]
}
} Pinky: [Cowering] Uh-oh...
}
} Brain: Never fear! If this is indeed Aladdin's Lamp, we shall be
} saved momentarily! [He starts rubbing the lamp. The bag of dirt has
} sunk completely by this point, and has been replaced by a billowing
} plume of fire. The lake below begins to boil. Brain, panicky now, is
} rubbing the lamp every which way.] How do you work this thing?
}
} Pinky: [Frightened] Brain ...
}
} Brain: Quiet, Pinky! I'm trying to concentrate! [Continues rubbing]
}
} Pinky: But Brain ...
}
} [Brain finally has enough, and bonks Pinky on the noggin again. That
} seems to knock some sense into the lamp, and so it isn't too long after
} that a djinn appears with the accustomed smoke trail leading back into
} the lamp's mouth. He (if a gender can be applied to a semi-deistic
} entity) appears a bit bored, even with the explosions nearby.]
}
} Djinn: I am the Genie of the Lamp, yada yada yada, what'dya need?
}
} [An explosion rocks the pillar. Brain and Pinky peer over the edge:
} the pillar seems to be on the verge of tumbling into the boiling lake
} below! Brain gets up and looks the djinn straight in the eye.]
}
} Brain: Get us out of here! Now!
}
} Djinn: [Shaking his finger] Ah ah ah; what about the magic words?
}
} Brain: [Taken aback for the moment, but recovers quickly.] Please!
}
} [The pillar begins to topple. Brain and Pinky grab hold of the nearest
} relatively stable object they can find, which just happens to be each
} other; naturally, this does not help their predicament. The djinn seems
} happy to tilt along with the pillar in a strange display of how
} orientation can be relative in three-dimensional space, assuming one
} doesn't care where one lands.]
}
} Pinky: I wish we were home right now!
}
} Djinn: Done! [He snaps his fingers just before all three land in the
} steaming body of water, and with a puff of smoke the trio find
} themselves locked safely away in their cage. The mice begin stripping
} off their Arabian outfits while Brain gives the djinn what-for.]
}
} Brain: What kind of genie are you? When I give you an order, you obey
} it! When I tell you what I want don --
}
} Djinn: Your wish is my command! [He snaps his fingers again. Brain
} stops in mid-sentence, the full realization of what just went on
} beginning to connect in his brain. Pinky, of course, remains
} oblivious.]
}
} Pinky: Boy, Brain, am I hungry. I wish I had a *hrmmph!* [Brain has
} covered up Pinky's mouth and manages to subdue him just as the djinn was
} beginning to snap his fingers. Slowly, carefully, he peels his hand
} back.] What'd I say, Brain?
}
} Brain: This is a genie, Pinky, otherwise known as a djinn in the
} Arabian tongue. They're only allowed to give us three wishes, and we've
} already used two: one to get out of the cave where we located his lamp,
} and the second as a direct order to do whatever we say. We only have
} one wish left, and then he's gone forever!
}
} Pinky: Sorry, Brain. I wish *hrmmph!* [Brain subdues Pinky again,
} and looks to the djinn with an evil look in his eye. He doesn't even
} bother to savour the moment.]
}
} Brain: Genie, I wish for the world!
}
} Djinn: [shrugs] Sure thing, pal. [He snaps his fingers, and there's
} a puff of smoke that takes up the entire screen. Just before the screen
} clears, we can hear Brain crying out]
}
} Brain: I did it! I did it! I own the world!
}
} [The smoke clears, and Brain freezes in mid-air. There, in-between
} himself and Pinky, stands the world -- or, rather, a miniature mounted
} globe. Brain slowly descends to Earth, his jaw wide open. Pinky walks
} over to it and pushes it along its rotation. It squeaks.]
}
} Pinky: It's ... it's kind of small, Brain ...
}
} Djinn: [From somewhere off-stage; ethereal] Like it? It spins!
} Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ...
}
} Chorus:
} They're Pinky; Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain!
}
}
} You owe the Oracle a better defined wish, and a djinn that doesn't like
} practical jokes.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
