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} "Zadoc? Zadoc! HOI, ZADOC!"
}
} "Yes, my master, my most esteemed one, my highest upon high, my --"
}
} "Quiet, fool. You're a 'merkin, are you not?"
}
} "Indeed, oh he who would ask silly questions to which he already knows
} the answer, as he is wise in all things, he who could spot a native
} from across the world itself --"
}
} "Shush. Take a look at this. This supplicant here says that I have
} great pitching ability. What does that mean?"
}
} "Surely you know, he who hides his wisdom and divinity so as not to
} make the poor and undeserving feel like pittance when placed next to
} him. For are you not --"
}
} "Humour me."
}
} "Erm, well, pitching, was it? It must refer to, er, how quickly you
} pitch a, um, tent. Yes! A tent, your worship, your holiness, he who
} could hold a tent up with but his --"
}
} "That's enough of that, Zadoc. And this ... this 'shagging' of a
} ground ball? I'm assuming that this is some sort of ludicrous
} American turn of phrase?"
}
} "Oh, indeed, your honour, your wonderfulness, your --"
}
} "And what does it mean, exactly?"
}
} "Uh, a ground ball is, er, another word for a, um, woman. Naturally,
} your grace, you are the pinnacle of perfection when it comes to
} shagging every form and countenance of all that the female sex has to
} offer. You, oh great and mighty one, are unequaled in both the
} wisdoms and ways of the world as well as the styles and techniques of
} the bedroom. Many a night --"
}
} "Yes, yes, I've heard that all before. So these people mentioned here
} .. they must be heroes of their age, then? Folks who have exceeded
} in these particular venues, and thus have achieved almost legendary
} status?"
}
} "But of course, for who could dare question the wit and wisdom of the
} all-powerful Oracle?"
}
} "Indeed. Hmm. So this 'world series' must be some sort of contest
} held in a world forum where people get together, pitch some tents, and
} have sex until there's only one man standing. Doesn't seem like a
} gentleman's sport, does it?"
}
} "Erm..."
}
} "And these 'Red Sox' must be a team who keep their socks on while
} shagging as some sort of gesture of freedom and democracy and all that
} sort of merkin rubbish. Well, they have as good a chance as the
} completely naked folks, I suppose. Zadoc, I am ready to respond."
}
} "Yes, your verisimilitude. How should I word the response?"
}
} "Like this:"
}
} } The Red Sox seem in prime condition, and look as if they could take
} } the world series by storm. Be cautious, however, and don't let your
} } girlfriend catch you watching. She may not understand how important
} } this sport is to you and yours.
} }
} } You owe the Oracle a videotape of the whole thing.
}
} "Master?"
}
} "Yes?"
}
} "I don't suppose -- I mean, I'm only asking -- that when the tribute
} comes in, could I, er, I mean..."
}
} "Yes. But once it goes in that room, I don't want to so much as touch
} it. Understood?"
}
} "Oh THANK you, most high, most gratuitous, most --"
}
} "Yeah, yeah. Now get lost. I have work to do."
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