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} You claimed you were an Elder God? Oh man, that's hysterical. That
} reminds of the time Hermes, Thor and I decided to try and sneak into
} Club Aphrodite (which Zeus and Ares were trying to keep to themselves,
} the bastards) and Thor figured he'd never be allowed in a Greek club if
} he looked Norse, so he hid his hammer in his pants and tried to
} disguise himself as Dionysios, but it turned out it was naked olive oil
} wrestling night and so we all ended up drunk and.... well, that wasn't
} really what you asked, was it?
}
} You could just claim it was a typo, and that you are actually an Alder
} God. (You have until the interview to learn a whole lot about trees.)
} In a similar vein, you could claim dyslexia and be an Elder Dog,
} although the wagging might be problematic.
}
} But I think you should go ahead and try to bluff your way through. In
} preparation for the interview, acquire a cattle prod, a wireless throat
} microphone, an air horn, some figs, wine, and a half-naked nymph (a
} dryad will do, in a pinch. So to speak. Ahem.)
}
} Attach the cattle prod to a long stick. You can glue a little glitter
} on it if you want to get fancy. This will be your "Staff of Zot".
} Arrive at the interview early enough to put on your microphone and
} connect it to the building's intercom system. You should have already
} put the airhorn down your pants.
}
} Arrive in the reception area with the nymph clinging to your arm. When
} you are called into the interviewer's office, tell her "Await my
} return, and we shall proceed to Olympus forthwith." (This is the Elder
} God equivalent of pretending to get a really important call on your
} cell phone.)
}
} As you sit down, trigger the air horn. (Keep in mind that breaking wind
} in an interview is a faux pas only for mortals-- for us gods, it's just
} another way of announcing our arrival. Zeus can practically clear a
} room, and don't *ever* be standing behind Athena when she shows up.
} Whew.)
}
} Answer all the questions more or less normally, but speak into the
} microphone, of course. If asked about your Godhood chuckle modestly and
} say "Oh, I never discuss religion at work". If pressed, look
} inscrutable and say "I've never had problem in that area".
}
} By now, you should have a sense of whether the interviewer is going for
} it or not. If all is well, congratulations! If not, stand up and shout
} "How dare you doubt me, you puny mortal!" and ZOT him a couple of
} times. This will give you time to get out the building (don't forget to
} collect your nymph) before he can call security.
}
} The figs and wine? Those are for me, thanks-- I skipped breakfast.
}
} You owe the Oracle notice of when you are going to try this, I want to
} watch.
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