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} In june of last year, 6 men set out on a mission of revenge,
} and never came back. The families of the men set in motion a
} spectacular statewide man-hunt. Several people came forward
} to say they'd seen the men hitchhiking along the side of the
} road and given them a lift. Police searched their last known
} location, but nothing was ever found.
}
} Last week, a couple of hikers came across a skeleton and the
} tattered remains of a book; a diary. Dental analysis has
} confirmed the identity of the skeleton as one of the missing
} men. Here are the final entries of that fateful diary, which
} explains their terrible fate.
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} Jun 28, 2001
}
} We have finally departed on our grand quest. I feel
} absolutely invigorated! We are so totally going to kick
} those shaolin monks' asses! They are going to learn a think
} or to about trying to keep me out of the brotherhood, just
} because I refused to shave my head and I have a fondness for
} women and burrito's. When we are done, I will make them beg
} me to join their monastary, and then refuse!
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} Jun 29, 2001
}
} Only a day out on our grand quest and already we are having
} troubles. First of all, John forgot to bring the guns,
} saying that Frank was supposed to bring them. Frank,
} naturally, maintains that it was John that was supposed to
} bring them! Habib pointed out that we're all fairly muscular
} fellows, so we should be able to easily defeat our foes in
} hand to hand combat. They do look pretty skinny.
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} Jun 30, 2001
}
} More problems! Our SUV has run out of gas by the side of the
} road. We have been waiting several hours for another vehicle
} to come along so that we can get help. I tried to convince
} Frank to walk back to the last gas station, but he refused
} point blank. No luck with the other men either. I'm
} beginning to think that a trip of this nature requires much
} more planning. Next time I try to take my revenge on a
} remote temple, I will bring along extra gas for the truck,
} and a cellular phone.
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} July 3, 2001
}
} Next time I try to take my revenge on a remote temple, I'm
} going to do it in an actual offroad vehicle, and not just a
} regular SUV. Two of the men died in the fall into the
} ravine. Habib broke an arm and a leg. It took two days of
} hiking to get out of the ravine and back to the road. We had
} to leave a lot of our gear behind, including most of the
} food supplies, so no more ring dings. In order to conserve
} supplies and speed up the expedition, all of us got together
} and whacked Habib over the head and grilled him rotissere
} style. We had some left, but the men decided against
} bringing it along because it would be heavy, and they hate
} leftovers.
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} July 5, 2001
}
} It has taken two days of walking and hitching to get close
} enough to the temple for our strike. Frank declined to
} finish the expedition, deciding instead to hang out with a
} cute lady who had given us a ride. Good riddance to the
} bastard! I was getting tired of his bitching and moaning,
} especially after I accidentally drove his precious SUV into
} the ravine. You'd think he didn't have insurance or
} something. We're setting up camp here so we can make an
} early dawn strike.
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
}
} July 6, 2001
}
} I am scared! So very, very scared! The strike on the temple
} didn't go anything like how I pictured it in my head. For
} one thing, those shaolin monks are viscous bastards! As we
} approached, we could see several of them dragging around
} very heavy weights attached only to their testicles! This
} was enough to make the men scream in a high pitched girly
} kind of voice, which attracted the monks attention. They
} advanced upon us. We fought valiently in hand to hand
} combat.. for about 10 seconds. Who would have thought that a
} single finger could do so much damage? The other men are
} dead.. butchered by those barbarians. I managed to slip
} away, but certainly not by kicking my captor in the nads. I
} should have known, after watching them drag those weights,
} that it would have no effect. If I don't make it out of
} here, I hope this diary falls into the hands of someone who
} can bring to light the terrible evil of the Shaolin Monks!
}
} I think I hear something in the woods.. can they have
} -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
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