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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The Supplicant is pondering your response. > > Expect a resubmission in an hour or two.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle is ignoring your insult. } } Expect a non sequitur in a few ounces of orange marmalade.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Should I stay or should I go now? > >  If I stay there will be trouble. > >  If I go there will be double.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}  [a smoke filled room... The Oracle is on lead guitar and vocals, }  Lisa has the Bass, Og on Drums... Zadoc is standing dazed, his }  head covered in bandages, he's holding a tambourine] } }  Oracle: One more time, from the top } }  A one and A two and A THREE... } }  [Oracle's voice attempts to crash thru a wall of sound] } }  Should The Supplicant Stay Or Should The Supplicant Go? } }  Lisa Darrrrrrling you gotta let me know }  Should The Supplicant stay? Or should The Supplicant go? }  The Supplicant says his questions ain't a waste of time }  The Supplicant'll have to wait in line }  So Lisa you gotta let know }  Should The Supplicant stay or should The Supplicant go? } }  All these tellmes tellmes tellmes }  I'm so happy when Zadoc`s on his knees }  One question is fine, next is a lame hack }  Resubmit it, send it back }  Well come on and let me know }  Should The Supplicant Stay or should The Supplicant go? } }  Should The Supplicant stay or should The Supplicant go now? }  Should The Supplicant stay or should The Supplicant go now? }  If The Supplicant goes his life will be in a muddle }  An' if The Supplicant stay's he'll cause a puddle }  So let'm pee then let me know }  Should The Supplicant stay or should The Supplicant go now? } }  This incarnation's bugging me }  If you don't want to be me, let me free }  Exactly who'm I'm supposed to be }  Don't you know which roles even fit me? }  Come on and let me know }  Is The Supplicant cool or does The Supplicant blow? } }  [ Crowd goes wild! The band decides to do an encore!!!] } }  ORACLE CALLING!!!! } }  Oracle calling to the Supplicant clowns }  Now holy war is declared and bad questions abound }  Oracle calling to the rhod-world }  Come on and carnate, all you boys and girls }  Oracle calling, Supplicants look to us }  Moaning and whining must bite the dust }  Oracle calling, see we can do this thing }  Except for that bloody w**dch**k-ing thing } }  The rhod age is coming, the light is dawning }  Incarnations must insist upon fawning }  Lame oneliners keep coming but have no fear }  'Cos the Temple is shining and we are here } }  Oracle calling to the Supplicant clones }  Forget it brother, you cant go it alone }  Oracle calling to the Incarnations of death }  Check out the archives before you draw another breath }  Oracle calling and calling for Zots }  I saw you having for Lisa the hots }  Oracle calling, don't look at her thighs }  Especially you with the Junoesque eyes } }  The rhod age is coming, the light is dawning }  Incarnations must insist upon fawning }  Lame oneliners keep coming but have no fear }  'Cos the Temple is shining and we are here } }  Oracle calling, I+ve been there too }  Some responses I get really give me the poo! }  Oracle calling, smite the Supplicant's head! }  But how can they grovel if'n they're dead? } }  You never felt so much alike, alike, alike. } }  Ya owe the Oracle some music that doesn't Clash.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> oh most frumptious oracle            what is that little glass disk in > the wall of our girls locker room?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Delouser.  If you take off your clothes and stand in front of it for a } couple of minutes, it'll rid you of all lice, fleas, ticks, and other } insect vermin.  (For long-term results, repeat this treatment each } day.)  Isn't modern medical technology wonderful!  You're lucky to go } to such a well-equipped school - not everyone has this kind of luxury. } } You owe the Oracle a wide-screen TV.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> --0-294702567-994011474=:44561 > Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii > > Who was Jack the Ripper? > > --------------------------------- > Do You Yahoo!? > Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35 a year! > --0-294702567-994011474=:44561 > Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii > > <P>Who was Jack the Ripper?</P> > <hr><b>Do You Yahoo!?</b><br> > Get personalized email addresses from Yahoo! Mail - only $35 a year! > --0-294702567-994011474=:44561--

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A dreary foggy night in London, the icy fingers of the dank } air clawing their way into the very souls of those that were } foolish enough to venture out. A tall, well dressed man is } walking down the street. A woman steps from the shadows and } speaks. } } Woman: Oi, aren't you the handsome one. } } Man: <P>Do you Yahoo?</P> } } Woman: My word, guv' you've got a funny ways of talkin' }        you has. } } Man: <P>Do you Yahoo?</P> } } Woman: Luv' if this <P>Yahooing</P> is what you wants I'm }        your gal. } } Man steps forward and brandishes an Ethernet card. } } Woman: That thing been scanned for viruses pet? } } [ fade to black ]

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>  Frowning and Judgmental Oracle, you see me even when >  I cannot see you.  My tether comes loose and I escape >  into public even when there is nothing to varnish.  All >  my yesterdays roll on the floor laughing when they >  think I'm about to try grovelling again.  The inkbolts >  are especially worrisome today. > >  Please send me the recipe for a "word salad".

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 2 cups active verbs } 3 tablespoons passive verbs } 1 pint of concrete nouns } A cup of adjectives } Prepositions to taste } } Wash the active verbs well.  Choose ones that are nicely developed with } firm roots.  Interlace with the passive verbs.  Do not use too many as } this will make the salad mushy and feeble. } } Fold in concrete nouns, discarding any that are too old or abstract. } Season liberally with adjectives and a robust adverb or two.  Add a } dash of prepositions, but be sure to choose the right ones to } compliment the meaning of the verbs. } } Garnish with interjections and let sit overnight.  It is important to } let the salad marinate for at least 24 hours before displaying in } public so that the ideas mingle and that any insipid ones can be } discarded.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, most literate, > > I was recently watching a movie, dubbed from Italian, on TV. Anyway, > there's a line of dialog that's clearly been altered: > > "[Three seconds of beeping] and when you're done, [Three more seconds > of beeping], so that the little [Yet another three seconds of beeping]. > Do you [beep] understand me, you [Five seconds of beeping]." > > My question is, what was the original line of dialog?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah yes, the immortal work of Alberto-Fredo Albertineotti, the } master of  Italian Communist Cinema.  It's a work entitled } "The Power Struggle Of The Classes",  the only surviving copy } of which is the heavily censored, WWII era print (accidentally } left in the "archival" bin, instead of the incinerator belt.) } Luckily, I saw it when it first came out and here's the } missing dialog: } }      FREDO: First, you will get us health plans, } and when you're done, you'll give each of us a raise } so that the little Fredo can go to school. Do you } U-N-D-E-R-S-T-A-N-D understand me, you fat, ignorant, } selfish, cowardly, bourgeois pig? } } The Oracle is pleased with your intellectual } pursuits. You owe The Oracle an essay on } keeping your mind free of pollutants.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, You big Mama Jama, tell me, baby, why I love Funk so much. WHy > i can't stop rockin to the sounds of the 70's. > > *does the Hustle*

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} [ Scene; the mean streets of Indiana. Evil cattle lurk near }   barns painted the color of blood. In the distance combines }   can be seen in the milo fields. ] } }                 "Who is the deity }       Who risks his dignity to help out humans? }                     (ORRIE!) }       Who's the demigod who won't cop out }          When there's tellmes all about? }                     (ORRIE!) }               He's a complicated entity }        And no one understands him like his woman }                    (THE ORACLE) }           They say that cat is as smart as- }                   (Shut ya mout'!) }               I'm talkin' 'bout Orrie! }               (Then we can dig it!!!)" } }      "Orrie's 5.0 Score" was the last and most famous of the }  Oraclexplotaion films. The Orrie films were panned by critics, who }  later got zotted.  But the public loved the Orrie films. Orrie was }  a deity's deity.  He had expensive aftertastes and liked to wear }    flowing robes. He had a swinging bachelor pad in the CS dept. }  sub-basement of an Indiana University and worked out of an VT100 }  terminal in Times or Helvetica, but his questions often took him }    into Australia and other backward neighborhoods. Orrie trusts }  neither supplicants nor incarnations. He's content to be his own }                             'Yoyo'. } }      "Orrie's 5.0 Score" =AND= "Orrie hears a Whodunit" are }          available now in fine video stores everywhere!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>     Thag here. > >     Thag know that he not wanted at Oracle anymore. Thag just some >     stupid in-joke. Thag ashamed. Thag lonely. > >     Thag also know that he not get any out-placement counciling. No >     re-training. > >     Forget the gold parachute, Thag get *no* parachute. Thag hit >     ground pretty darn hard. > >     What Oracle think about Thag's next career move?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Man: Gee, I dunno. It looks nice. But it's so expensive. . . } } [ Thag shifts the toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other, }   as if pondering thunderously the words he has just heard. He looks }   down at the sleeves on his too tight shimmering blue polyster suit }   as he stretches out his powerful arms. Behind him bright yellow and }   faded red and dark blue, plastic triangular banners snap noisily in }   the breeze. ] } } Thag: Thag say, I go talk to Boss Man. Maybe we make deal. } } Man: Gosh, could you? This Fnord Humongous is one fine looking SUV. } } Thag: Ain't it? Thag be right back. } } [ Thag wanders into the dealership office, pours himself a paper }   cup of thick coffee sludge from the bottom of a grimy, fingerprint }   covered pot. He gulps it down in one wolfish slurp. ] } } Thag: Ack. Taste like ground sloth blood. } } [ Thag crushes the paper cup and goes back out to the man who }   is now sitting behind the wheel of Fnord Humongous. ] } } Thag: Boss say, you buy now. Boss give you spiky club and }       haunch of gazelle. } } Man: Huh? } } Thag: Take now. Or deal off. Man on phone want buy this baby. } } Man: I'll take it. } } [ Thag smiles and thinks to himself, "Thank you Orrie, this job }   too much fun". ] } } Man: I just love this car.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is a duck? > > -- > "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an > invasion,butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, > balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take > orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze > a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, > fight efficiently, die gallantly.  Specialization is for insects."- > Robert A. Heinlein -

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because a duck is able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher } a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance } accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, } give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new } problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight } efficiently, die gallantly -AND- has enough sense not to use a huge } .sig, thank you. } } You owe the Oracle a croquet mallard.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle, who has nooks and crannies to hold the > butter, tell me... > > What else can I eat for breakfast? I've done > everything. Cereal. Cream of Wheat. Oatmeal (Irish and > American). Pancakes (including German > pfannkuchen, crepes, blini, jonnycakes, and Uncle Buck > Windowscreen Flapjacks). Waffles. French toast. Toast > and jam. Muffins and jam. English muffins and jam. > Biscuits and jam. Biscuits and gravy (sausage, brown, > and Italian Nonna). Biscuits and gravy with jam. Eggs > (including illegal sunny-side-up). Omelets of all > sorts. Bangers and mash. Pie. Cold pizza. Chocolate > cake. Coffee and doughnuts. Coffee and croissants. > Coffee and cigarettes (which I hear taste somewhat > better if you actually smoke them). Coffee and > espresso (it's called a redeye -- don't ask). Fried > dough. Churros y chocolate. Bacon. Canadian bacon. > Irish bacon. Kevin bacon. Ham (Smithfield, Polish, > Serrano, Prosciutto di Parma, and William Shatner). > Spam. Sausage. Linguica. Kielbasa. Miso soup. Congee. > Dates and camel milk. Venezuelan Beaver Cheese on > matzo. Every morning I try something different and I'm > sick of it all. What do I have tomorrow?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Rosie O'Donnell, } } I suggest you try huge tubs of walrus blubber. } } Your fan, } Orrie