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} Greetings, supplicant.
}
} There are three types of technical writing:
}
} 1.) Quality technical writing, a rarely found type, which results
} in easy to read (and difficult to misunderstand) manuals, and
} documentation that is both complete and useful.
}
} 2.) Technical writing of a lower quality than the above (which
} covers most products).
}
} 3.) Technical writing whose origins may have been either of the
} above initially, but which has been poorly (and generally amusingly)
} mistranslated from any foreign language into your language. Your
} language, based on your question, may not actually be English.
}
} Anyways, the Oracle being omnic, er.. ominsci, er... all-knowing, has
} realized that you want to know how to become a bad translator for the
} specific subbranch of technical writing known as assembly instructions.
} I believe there are university courses available in this, but it all
} boils down to some basic first principles.
}
} 1.) Nouns are your friend. Verbs are your enemy. If you must use a
} verb, remember they must be treated as the insignificant words they are
} and place them at the end of the sentence.
}
} eg:
}
} Bolt Nut Washer hole board tighteningly insert.
}
} Of course, while the above is acceptable, "Bolt nut washer hole board."
} would be better still.
}
} 2.) Aim for lack of clarity.
}
} A bad example:
}
} Please the gear box from step 12 on top of the axle from step 3.
}
} Better:
}
} Gear box on axle.
}
} Best:
}
} axle gear.
}
} 3.) Leave steps out (or parts off the inventory)
}
} eg:
}
} Part list:
}
} A) One board, 4" by 8 '
} B) Three screws
} C) One 1/4' allen key
} D) 4 Hex head bolts
}
} Instructions
}
} 1) Take the steel cross plate (F) and insert the plastic lock tight
} screws (H)
}
} (of course, step 1 above violates rule 1 - were we using all the rules
} at once in this example, it might read:
}
} lock cross steel screws plate plastic.)
}
} 4.) If at all possible, provide instructions in at least 6 or 7
} language in which you lack fluency. Even more preferable is that none
} of the probable consumers have fluency in those languages either.
}
} Ideally, using a simple example (how to assemble your bagel snack
} pack), usable instructions might read, assuming your target audience is
} English:
}
} 1.) Using the plastic knife, separate the halves of the bagel.
} 2.) Open the cream cheese container, and use the plastic knife to
} transfer the cream cheese to the bagel halves.
} 3.) Using the plastic knife, spread the cream cheese across the bagel.
} 4.) Eat and enjoy.
}
} Our ideal instructions to include with the package would be as follows:
}
} 1.) mitades del panecillo cuchillo plM-astico, separe.
} 2.) poner crema, el cuchillo plM-astico mitades del panecillo
} transferir 4.) come y goza.
}
} 1.) plastica lama, le metM-` del bagel
} 4.) formaggio cremoso lama plastica per trasferire il formaggio cremoso
} 7.) per mezzo della lama di plastica, spanda il formaggio cremoso
} attraverso il bagel.
} 2.) mangia mangia mangia mangia angina e gode.
}
} Owing Oracle are you rum bottle of.
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