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} Welcome to The Dead Oracle - answers for the dead, by the dead-,
} another quality subsidiary of The Internet Oracle(tm).
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,666-09 47akw 3.9
} Selected-By: O.D. Vial <noheart@icydeath.net>
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } Dead Oracle most Dead;
} }
} } My buddy and I died. Some dude was there in the afterworld
} } waiting room or something, he said that our spots in the
} } afterworld weren't ready yet and we had to go back to earth
} } for a while. My buddy said he wanted to go back to earth, but
} } as "a cool stud" this time. The dude laughed and POOF! my
} } buddy turned into a snow tire and then vanished. Wow! What
} } should I wish to go back as? I don't want to be a toilet seat
} } or a little man that plays the piano or something like that.
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,655-02 1admm 3.8
} Selected-By: "Marked" (branded@ouch.edu)
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } dead oracle,
} }
} } Help me! I'm in heaven! I saw them drilling holes in people's
} } backs to attach wings. the People were screaming in pain! It
} } was awful. And then the angels drilled holes in people's heads
} } to attach halos. The drills caused brain bits to fly out! It
} } was awful! I rather go to hell! I already got a hole where they
} } can attach a tail! How can I get transferred?
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,652-01 57gmu 3.8
} Selected-By: Al L. Smelly <phew@dontmindthestink.net>
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } dead oracle,
} }
} } Satan himself met when I died, which makes sense as
} } I was the world's richest man when I died. He showed
} } me two different hells I could go to. One was full of
} } hot naked chicks! The other was just a cold room with
} } a hologram showing a blue screen. He says I can pick one
} } to spend forever in. I suspect a trap, which should I
} } pick?
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,756-11 35fsm 3.8
} Selected-By: GreenHairedbabe (ghb@urethea.notwell.edeadtu)
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } I was a forest ranger when I was alive. I died saving a rare
} } tree and a truck full of orphans from a landslide. A lawyer was
} } there too, I let him die. I hate lawyers. Anyway the lawyer and I
} } showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter greeted us
} } at the pearly gates and took us to the homes where dead folks
} } spend all of eternity. We got into St. Peter's holy vehicle, a
} } Ford Explorer by the way, and head on down a gold road, which
} } turned into a platinum road, which turned onto an even grander
} } road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion when St. Peter turned
} } to the lawyer and said, "Here Mr. Lawyer is your home for the
} } rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just
} } let me know." Then St. Peter dropped me off at a seedy hotel full
} } of rag pickers and lepers. What gives?
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,664-03 16hDh 3.8
} Selected-By: Harold The Corpse (corpse@ditchbythteroad.org)
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } I was like standing knee high in foul waste drinking coffee
} } for 9,000 years. It wasn't the worse hell I could imagine.
} } Then a big old demon with one eye and a Wake Forest University
} } tee-shirt showed up and said that the coffee break was over
} } and now we have to stand on our heads for TWO HUNDRED MILLION
} } YEARS! Is this legal? Aren't their laws down here?
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,669-13 28gxj 3.8
} Selected-By: Iam Deadvus <imdeadvus@daunderworld.com>
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } dead oracle,
} }
} } I am, well -was- when I was alive, I -was- a huge busted gal. When
} } I died I found myself at the gates of heaven with none other than
} } Princess Di! Did you know she's pregnant? Anyway as we reached the
} } Pearly Gates St. Peter advised us that there was only room for one
} } of us - How could this be?! He asked me what I was doing at the
} } time of her death. I told him "I was putting on my bra", He then
} } asked Princess Di what she had been doing. "I was flushing", she
} } replied, which I latter found out was a damn lie! Anyway Di got
} } into heaven and not me! What gives? I don't like it here in hell!
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Shut up, you're dead.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} 17,674-10 46his 3.8
} Selected-By: COFFINOPEN@aohell.com
}
} The dead Oracle has pondered your question six feet deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} } I buried 12 kilos of gold I stole from an armored car right
} } before I died. I'll give it to you if you get me moved to a
} } nicer section of the afterworld.
}
} And in response, thus intoned the dead Oracle:
}
} > Consider it done.
}
} -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//- -//-
}
} You owe the Oracle a snowball, a window, a Smokey the Bear hat,
} a basketball team, two pair and a royal flush. That's it.
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