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} There are three rules about spammers. One of them applies to this
} situation directly, the others indirectly.
}
} Rules about spammers:
} 1) Spammers are stupid.
} 2) Spammers lie.
} 3) Spammers *lie*.
}
} Let's see how these apply by observing a spammer (thinking, almost
} audibly):
}
} > Uh, um, uh, I was going to do something today. Um. Oh, I could
} > check email. Um. What's my password again? Hmmm. That's right
} > it's C-O-O-L-D-U-D-E. Hey, I've got mail!
}
} 5 messages:
} Subject: ADV: Earn a Degree Based By Drinking Beer -- THIS IS REAL
} Subject: 3477 Tired of actual work? Try this Egyptian Scheme
} Subject: VERDIENEN SIE GEld Vom Haus! EARN MONEY AT HOUSE!
} Subject: FUN AT THE MEAT PACKING PLANT!!!!! sxzt7
} Subject: 100 MILLION EMAILS + Bulk Mailing Software For Only Your Soul
}
} > Damn. Only spam. Hmm. I was going to do something else today.
} > That's it. I was going to advertise my tee-shirt business.
}
} mouse: click, click, click
}
} > Wow, That much for banner ads? How about overture.com. 76 cents
} > for a top spot.
}
} calculator: tap, tap, tap
}
} > That could add up quickly. Um. Uh. Hmm. "100 Million Emails"
} > That's a lot of people. And it only costs my soul, not bad.
} > And spam isn't that bad.
}
} Here you see rule number one dominating, and rule two hitting at
} the end: the spammer has lied to himself, and is too stupid to
} realize it. Lets fast forward a bit.
}
} (reading spamware instructions)
} | Step 1: Choose your email title
} | Step 2: Write the email message
} | Step 3: Select email address list
} | Step 4: Connect to internet
} | Step 5: Press 'send'
}
} > Okay. A bit tricky, but not rocket science. Um. Title. Oh. Um.
} > "Tired of being naked? Buy Tee shirts" Nah. "Not just for wet
} > tee shirt contests" Nope. "Be a cool dude in these cool tees"
} > Yeah. That'll do. Okay step 1 down. Step 2. Agh. Um. Uh. Okay.
} >
} > Tired of the old I'm With Stupid tee shirt? Check out
} > these hilarious ones:
} > Don't make me mad! I'm running out of places to hide
} > the bodies.
} > I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
} > Rehab Is for Quitters
} > If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
} > friends?
} > First National Bank Of Dad: Sorry, Closed.
} > Will Eat For Food
} > I listen to both kinds of music: loud and very loud
} >
} > Click here www.cooldudeshirts.com
} >
} > Um. Uh. Hmm. Maybe I should add a message so people don't think
} > its spam.
} >
} > THIS IS NOT SPAM> THIS IS A ONE TIME MAILING> YOU GOT THIS
} > EMAIL BECAUSE YOU SIGNED UP WITH ONE OF OUR PARTNERS..
} >
} > Uhh. Guess that is enough. Now what's next? Step 3. Hmmm.
} > There only seems to be one address list here: "Damn near
} > everybody.lst" Guess I'll use that. Now. Um. Connect to
} > internet. Shoot. What's my password again? Um. Uh. Oh yeah,
} > C-O-O-L-D-U-D-E. Um. Here goes nothing.
}
} mouse: click
}
} Now we see the spammer has demonstrated rules two and three,
} "hilarious" indeed. And that hasty not-spam message, Mr. Cooldude
} didn't even use caps lock, he held shift down, even when typing
} periods.
}
} > Um. Hmm. Wonder how long this will take? Hmm. I'll check email.
}
} mouse: click, click
}
} > I've got mail! Woohoo!
}
} 4 messages:
} Subject: ROOSTERS ONLY: SEE HOT YOUNG CHICKS COME OUT OF THEIR SHELLS
} Subject: Be a cool dude in these cool tees
} Subject: New Pill Adds 1 to 3 inchs to your girth
} Subject: Notice of account termination
}
} > Spam, spam, and what's that? They're closing my website for spamming?
} > Damn, I didn't do anything wrong. I'm gonna sue them for breach of
} > contract.
}
} More lies and more stupidity.
}
} Wait till this guy sees what hell has in store for him. RFC 666:
} TCP/IP Tunneling Through Intestines Over Tapeworm Carrier. Apparently
} he'll be the alpha tester.
}
} You owe the Oracle the hide of a spammer.
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