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} Ebola is a virus, named after a river in the Democratic Republic of the
} Congo (formerly Zaire) in Africa, where it was first recognized. The
} virus is one of two members of a family of RNA viruses called the
} Filoviridae. Three of the four species of Ebola virus identified so far
} have caused disease in humans: Ebola-Gates, Ebola-Bush, and
} Ebola-Supplicant. The fourth, Ebola-bola, has caused disease in
} nonhuman primates, but not in humans.
}
} The signs and symptoms of Ebola hemorrhagic fever are not the same for
} all supplicants. The table below outlines symptoms of the disease,
} according to the frequency with which they have been reported in known
} cases.
}
} Symptoms that occur Symptoms that occur
} in Supplicants who in Supplicants who
} Time Frame do not grovel do grovel
} ---------- ----------------------- --------------------
} Within a few days of high fever, headache, sore throat, hiccups,
} becoming infected muscle aches, stomach rash, red and itchy
} with the virus: pain, fatigue, eyes, possible but
} explosive diarrhea, occasional diarrhea
} spam formations,
} blindness
}
} Within one week of chest pain, shock, nose boredom, headaches
} becoming infected fungus, muscle spasms,
} with the virus Windows crashes, ethics
} lectures from
} Bill Clinton, and death
}
} You owe the Oracle nothing. In fact, here's a ticket for a Congo
} Safari for you.
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