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} "HOI, ZADOC!"
}
} "Yers, Marster?"
}
} "Put down that stupid book and talk normally, worm."
}
} "Um, yes, um, master. But it's a new one."
}
} "Of course it's a new one, he's writing one a week now. Now shut up and
} listen. I've just got this note, and it's disturbing Me."
}
} "Oh - I see. You're disturbed because of the desperation implicit in
} the writing style?"
}
} "No, you twit, I'm disturbed because she forgot to sign it. How am I
} supposed to know who to invite over for the next slumber party if they
} won't write their names down?"
}
} "Oh. Yes, master."
}
} "I need to know the status of the usual suspects. Kate?"
}
} "She's off on that gourmet cruise, master."
}
} "Cindy?"
}
} "Trying to fill out nursery school applications. It doesn't help that
} she keeps attaching photos of herself instead of the children to the
} forms."
}
} "Sarah Michelle?"
}
} "She sprained her coccyx last week in Tae Bo. I doubt she's thinking of
} much other than sitting down."
}
} "It couldn't be Lisa trying to spring a trap, could it?"
}
} "Oh, that's not her handwriting, master. Hers is so much more feminine,
} and pleasing, and rounded, and desirable, and -"
}
} "ENOUGH."
}
} "Sorry. Wait, master, could it be Farrah?"
}
} "I thought she was getting bo-tox injections with Kate and Jaqueline
} this week. What about Britney?"
}
} "She dots her 'i's with little hearts, and there are multiple two- and
} three-syllable words in the letter."
}
} "Hmnn."
} "Hmmn."
} "That's what I just said."
} "Yes, master."
}
} "Wait - it couldn't be -"
} "No, she wouldn't - "
} "She might..."
} "Really? But that's just plain desperate."
} "Have you seen her recently?"
}
} "Sigh. You're right. All right worm, take a letter."
}
} "Yes, master."
}
} "Ahem. To Mr. James Dewey Esq., San Bernadino CA. From The Internet
} Oracle, Fount of All Wisdom, yadda yadda. Para. Mr. Dewey, enclosed
} please find this correspondence of 16th July from your client, period.
} Please inform her that the John Hinkley defense is not likely to work
} in Los Angeles courts, comma, that even if it did she should have
} sent the letter previous to the incident, comma, and that it's just
} a freaking shoplifting misdemeanor, period. New para. All my best to
} you and whatever those two brats of his were named, look it up worm,
} The Internet Oracle, Most Wise and Sagacious Council yadda yadda.
} New para, p.s., please let Winnie know that the next slumber party
} will be August 3rd if she is free."
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
