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} Yes, my breasts do look nice in my vest, don't they? Thank you for
} noticing.
}
} TOP TEN WORST INVESTMENT STRATEGIES:
}
} 10. Wall Street Journal. Dartboard.
}
} 9. Take George W. Bush's latest mangled word, remove all vowels,
} search for compatible stock abbreviation. Plunge in entire life
} savings.
}
} 8. Find person pushing shopping cart down sidewalk. Say, "You're
} obviously an outside-the-box thinker. Take this big wad of cash and
} double it for me, would you?" For extra luck, have above conversation
} outside liquor store.
}
} 7. Drop in offering plate. Not at the church you attend; instead,
} try the one that worships Mr. Snuffleupagus.
}
} 6. Solar power. 'Nuff said.
}
} 5. Stuff cash in little plastic box by cash register at convenience
} store. Put up sign reading, "Take a thousand, leave two thousand."
}
} 4. Loiter outside Federal Reserve Board headquarters. Offer to
} sell them special lucky dollar bills for two dollars apiece.
}
} 3. Scoop activated charcoal out of aquarium filter. Insert in nether
} regions. Listen to Rush Limbaugh for twenty-four hours straight,
} hoping that stress will become pressure and heat, and carbon will
} turn into diamonds.
}
} 2. Become primary backer of "The Anna Nicole Show On Ice!"
}
} And the worst investment strategy of all ...
}
} 1. If you love your money, set it free. If it comes back to you,
} doubled, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
}
} You owe the Oracle a free night's stay in your refrigerator box under
} the bridge.
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