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} Dear and foolish Alyssa, never fear, Omni is here! (With his good friend
} Scient.) Here's your outline:
} I. Introduction
} A. Introductory paragraph in its entirety follows (Guaranteed A here!)
} "The influence of Spam and Velveeta on Hellenic architecture cannot be
} denied. My reaction to being assigned this assignment which, as you
} may remember, is an assignment to write a 20-page paper on the assign-
} ed topic, the influence of Spam and Velveeta on Hellenic architecture,
} the topic that was assigned to me, was `Wow! What an undeniable infl-
} uence my assigned topics, Spam and Velveeta, had on Hellenic Arch-
} itecture!'" (This prose style is going to give you 20 pages in about
} two hours, after which you can go out and party.)
} B. Follow-up paragraph in its entirety
} "What an influence Spam and Velveeta had on Hellenic Architecture! *
} Hellenic architecture was influenced by the influence of Spam and
} Velveeta!
} -----
} * (FOOTNOTE) : Spam, in Greek, is of course spelled Spamos. Velveeta,
} due to the frightening lack of v's in Greek, was spelled Welweeta, and
} then Eleeta after digamma, the Greek W, just kind of folded up and
} died one day. It went something like this:
} Aristotle: `Why would we want whiskers?'
} Plato: `Why wouldn't we want whiskers, wishy-washy wart?'
} Socrates: `I can't play this game to save my life! The letter W,
} also known in Greek as digamma, despite the fact that it looks
} like two gammas about as much as sorority girls look like Greek
} scholars, is now officially DEAD! Dies irae, dies illa!'
} Plato: `Hat ill e do no?'
} However, since this is not my topic, I will only devote the amount of
} space I've already devoted to it to it. We will use the traditional
} English spellings, which are once again, S-P-A-M (not Y-U-C-K), and
} V-E-L-V-E-E-T-A (not O-R-G-A-S-M-I-C), for the rest of this paper."
} (Triple-space this and you've got two pages already!)
}
} II. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture
} A. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - Columns
} 1. Doric
} 2. Ionic
} 3. The other one that nobody can ever remember
} a. Footnote: No, they didn't write back, Paul got killed first!
} B. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} 1. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - Columns
} a. Doric
} b. Ionic
} c. The other one that nobody can ever remember
} 1. Cute joke about trying to say "Isthmus" with a lisp
} 2. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - The Hill
} a. The Parthenon is up on a hill
} b. Up on a hill is where the Parthenon his
} c. Notice the similarity!
} 3. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - The Name
} a. P is in both
} b. a is in both! Looks like a pattern here!
} c. m is kind of like two n's
} d. s is short for rtheo
} e. Add them up and what do you get?
} 4. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - The Name,
} Part Two
} a. The word Parthenon comes from the word Athena
} b. The word Athens comes from the word Athena
} c. The Parthenon is in Athens
} d. Wow!
} 5. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - Texture
} a. The Parthenon is hard as rock
} 1. Duh. The Parthenon is made from rock. Except for the new Spandex
} wing.
} b. Spam is as hard as rock
} 2. Duh. Spam is made from rock.
} c. Wow!
} C. The influence of Spam on Hellenic architecture - Everything else
} 1. The big horse they attacked Troy with
} a. Spam is made of horses
} b. Notice the similarity!
} 2. The pyramids of Egypt
} a. The pyramids of Egypt date from 4000 B.C.
} b. Each can of Spam dates from 4000 B.C.
} c. Notice the similarity!
} d. Footnote: "I know the pyramids of Egypt aren't Hellenic
} architecture...
} but the similarity was so compelling I couldn't pass it up!"
}
} II. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture
} A. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - Introduction
} 1. We'll talk about
} a. Columns
} b. The Parthenon
} B. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - Columns
} 1. Doric
} 2. Ionic
} 3. The other one that nobody can ever remember
} a. It's time for a non sequitur in the paper here, just to wake the
} prof up.
} b. "Velveeta is ORGASMIC!"
} C. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} 1. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - Introduction
} a. We'll talk about
} 1. Columns
} 2. My high school Ancient History teacher
} 3. The Name
} 2. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - Columns
} a. Doric
} b. Ionic
} c. The other one that nobody can ever remember
} 1. "Of course, I can always remember it, because my high school
} teacher for Ancient History was a DICK, and you just drop off the
} last letter."
} 3. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - The Name
} a. Velveeeta, the way it's usually pronounced, has the same number of
} letters as Parthenon!
} b. Velveeta has the same number of syllables as The Parthenon!
} c. Velveeta was invented first - post hoc est propter hoc!
} d. Obvious influence and a possible Ph.D. thesis here!
} 4. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - The Parthenon
} - Summary
} a. Recap of the introduction
} b. Columns
} 1. "My high school Ancient History teacher really WAS a dick!
} really!"
} c. The Name
} D. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - Columns
} a. Dork
} b. Ironic
} c. "Just checking to see if you were awake!"
} E. The influence of Velveeta on Hellenic architecture - Summary
} a. Columns
} b. The Parthenon
} c. Columns
}
} III. Summary
} A. Columns
} 1. Spam
} 2. Velveeta
} B. The Parthenon
} 1. Spam
} 2. Velveeta
} C. "I forget what else I talked about."
}
} IV. Annotated Bibliography
} A. Personal communication with the infamous trio of Ken Shadek, Ed
} Rohrbaugh, and Dave Chung
} 1. Source of "Velveeta is ORGASMIC!"
} B. Personal communication with The Oracle, omni@scient.parnassus.edu
} 1. Source of everything else
}
} V. Have a nice day!
} A. Encourages your professor to grade favorably
}
} THE END
}
} YOU OWE THE ORACLE: Some Velveeta.
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