} Well, Irma (you don't mind if I call you Irma, do you?), I think the
} only way we could find out is if we called up Tipper and asked...
}
} rrrrring... rrrrring... rrrrring...
}
} >> Hello, this is Hell. What the fuck do you want?
}
} }} Sorry, wrong number...
}
} Bloody auto-dialer... let me try again...
}
} rrrrring... rrrrring... rrrrring... rrrrring...
}
} >> Hello, Gore residence. How may I help you?
}
} }} I'd like to speak to Tipper, thank you.
}
} >> And who may I say is calling?
}
} }} The Usenet Oracle.
}
} >> Thank you, please hold. **CLICK**
}
} >> "I'm dreaming of a white..."
}
} >> Hello, Tippy here. How ya doin', Oracle baby? Why don't you drop by
} >> more often? It gets SOOO lonely here, and a lady can boink her
} >> butler only so many times...
}
} }} TIPPER! We're on the air!
}
} >> So wha... WHAT! Wait... Those damn media pimps! And the phone
} >> company! Yeah, that's the ticket! The phone company, using funds
} >> collected from their sleazy 900 sex numbers, they edited my voice!
} >> Yeah! I would never, uh, have carnal knowledge of my butler!
}
} }} That's all very interesting, Tipper, but we have a problem... It
} }} looks like Timmy Housewife is poisoning his brain with some heavy
} }} metal albums...
}
} >> Metallica? Guns & Roses? Guns & Roses, now there's a group that
} >> produces some pretty gnarly records. I mean, PORNOGRAPHIC records!
} >> They should be burned!
}
} }} The records should be burned?
}
} >> No, the group should be burned!
}
} }} That's fascinating, Tipper. But what are you going to do about
} }} Timmy?
}
} >> What do you want me to do?
}
} }} Irma wants you to scold him.
}
} >> Sounds delicious... um, how long is he? I MEAN, how big is... No,
} >> I mean, how old is he?
}
} }} Not sure. Do you know?
}
} >> How in the hell would I....
}
} Message from Chat_Daemon@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu at 18:46 ...
} chat: connection requested by satan@pandemonium.Hell.GOV.
} chat: respond with: chat satan@pandemonium.Hell.GOV
}
} Oh damn...
}
} ]] You rang?
}
} }} Actually, no, but I...
}
} >> Satan! How nice to see you, babe!
}
} ]] Tippy! Looking as fabuloso as ever!
}
} }} Actually...
}
} >> Say, big S, why don't you and Oracle here drop by, and I'll get the
} >> whipped cream, and we'll make a sundae?
}
} ]] Sounds tasty to me...
}
} }} NOW HOLD ON ONE GOSH DARN MINUTE! Let's put this aside and get back
} }} to the point at hand!
}
} ]] Which is?
}
} >> Oracle here wants to save the soul of Timmy Housewife.
}
} ]] Izzat so?
}
} }} Actually...
}
} >> Timmy has gotten into sex, drugs, and rock & roll.
}
} ]] Well, at least he isn't a TV evangelist! What were his crimes,
} ]] anyway?
}
} }} His mother found a copy of "Leather n Ludes", a can of 40W motor oil,
} }} and Jean Kirkpatrick's 1-900 number in his bedroom.
}
} ]] Housewife... Housewife... name sounds familiar. Let me pop up a new
} ]] shell...
}
} ]] Got it! That stuff is Mr. Housewife's. It seems that Jimmy...
}
} }} Timmy.
}
} ]] Whatever. Anyway, the kid caught his dad and his dad's secretary
} ]] playing "Strip Limbo" one night, and this is his father's revenge.
}
} >> Nice family. Anyway, if you guys aren't doing anything tonight...
}
} ]] I'll be there.
}
} }} Count me in.
}
} >> Great. See ya later.
}
} [connection closing. exiting.]
} [connection closing. exiting.]
}
} Well, that's the scoop, Irma. Personally, I think George could use a
} little scolding more than Timmy. Poor Timmy, he is just an innocent
} victim of all this.
}
} You owe the Oracle 27 cans of Redi-Whip.
} The Oracle has conversed.
|