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} You would think that the easiest way to understand a woman would be
} to convince her to climb a ladder; however in practice, doing this
} can be very difficult. I suggest the following process.
}
} STEP 1: Wait for said woman to point out that a) the house needs
} painting, b) the gutters need cleaning, or c) the roof needs
} re-shingling.
}
} STEP 2: Suggest that she take care of this herself.
}
} STEP 3: Go buy a dozen apology roses, a ladder, and the appropriate
} equipment for whichever of a-c was uttered in STEP 1.
}
} STEP 4: Give roses to said woman, apologize, and say that you'll take
} care of the task yourself.
}
} STEP 5: Spend several weeks watching TV instead.
}
} STEP 6: Buy a dozen more apology roses. And a cane: the reason for
} this will become clear later on.
}
} STEP 7: Give roses to said woman, apologize, and say that you'll
} stop procrastinating.
}
} STEP 8: Set up ladder next to the house.
}
} STEP 9: Array other supplies next to the ladder.
}
} STEP 10: Spend several weeks watching TV.
}
} STEP 11: Buy a dozen more apology roses.
}
} STEP 12: Give roses to said woman, apologize, and say that you'll
} stop procrastinating.
}
} STEP 13: Climb ladder.
}
} STEP 14: Fall to the ground and break your back. I mean, you should
} have known better than to climb a ladder in STEP 13.
}
} STEP 15: Scream loudly. The woman will see that your back is broken
} and conclude that she must do the chore herself.
}
} STEP 16: Now you're almost done: the woman is technically above you.
} Now you just need to stand, which is what the cane you bought in STEP
} 6 is for. Congratulations! You are the first person to understand
} a woman.
}
} STEP 17 (optional): Since the woman did do the chore for you AND drive
} you to the hospital after it was done, you might want to consider
} getting another dozen roses. If you've been using the punch card
} that your rose vendor gave you, they should be half off too.
}
} STEP 18: Repeat process for any other women that you wish to
} understand.
}
} Wasn't that easy?
}
} You owe the Oracle a dozen roses with a card that says "Dear Lisa,
} I'm sorry I've been procrastinating."
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