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} You... it... you... the...
}
} *picks up phone and dials*
}
} "Dell Customer Support, how may I help you?" [1]
}
} "Hi, Internet Oracle here, may I speak to Zach?"
}
} "Oh, hi there. Sure, just a minute. Do you want to speak to Michael
} while you're waiting?"
}
} "Nah, he's busy right now."
}
} "Oh, well, I guess you'd know. Anyway, here's Zach. -- Hi, this is
} Zach! Who's this?"
}
} "Internet Oracle. How are you, Zach?"
}
} "Hey, wow! The real Internet Oracle?"
}
} "Yes, of course."
}
} "Wow, I just sent you a question a little while ago! And I thought
} you'd respond by mail!"
}
} "Well, Zach, that's what I'd like to talk to you about."
}
} "I can't believe it! Oh my God! Am I like the millionth email or
} something?"
}
} "No, Zach. Zach, listen up. About that gambling boat."
}
} "Oh yeah! So, am I going to win?"
}
} "No, Zach, you're going to lose and lose, and lose some more. It will
} be painful for you, and painful for onlookers. You're going to bet and
} lose all your money, your wedding ring, your class ring, your
} grandfather's ring you carry around in your wallet, your wallet itself,
} your car keys, and one of your gold fillings. Then you're going to get
} drunk on Harvey Wallbangers and throw up on the roulette table. They
} are going to have to put you on a rowboat and row you back to shore to
} have your stomach pumped, but you're going to fall out of the boat and
} nearly drown, buoyed up at the last minute by a rising bubble of sewage
} gas which wil propel you back onto the boat as it pops, accompanied by
} a few pounds of raw sewage. When you all get back to shore the doctor
} won't be able to find his tubes, and while he tries to find them you're
} going to vomit and vomit until there is nothing left inside your body
} that isn't bolted down. And Zach?"
}
} "... Wuh?"
}
} "That's just the beginning."
}
} "Um, Oracle, this is really about the ASCII signature and the MIME
} attachment, isn't it?"
}
} "Ah, smart boy. I've never seen that many non-breaking spaces in
} something that proudly claimed to be ASCII."
}
} "I'm really sorry."
}
} "It's too late for that. If it hadn't been for the line that said
} 'SAVE SPACE. USE AN ASCII SIGNATURE :)' I would have Zotted you,
} but it made me laugh too hard."
}
} "I'm sorry sorry sorry sorry!"
}
} "Well, OK."
}
} "Oh thank god."
}
} "Oh hush. Just don't let it happen again. Have fun on the boat. Bye
} now. And tell Michael I said hi."
}
} *click*
}
} [1] This is how you can tell it's fiction.
}
} You owe the Oracle replacement milk for what I lost when I laughed it
} out of my nose.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
