} How absurd. That doesn't sound like anything I would take out. But...
} there's something about this message that rings a bell. Nine years?
} Why, that's just the length of time since... Oh dear.
}
} ZADOC!!!
}
} (Zadoc makes his usual entry on his knees, bowing profusely.)
}
} Zadoc: You summoned me, O He of Wit More Acerbic Than Simon Cowell?
}
} Oracle: I did. You have been in my service for nine years, is that
} true?
}
} Zadoc: O Most Omnitemporal One, it has indeed been nine years during
} which I have been most honoured to serve you, every femtosecond of
} which has been ecstatic far beyond my due!
}
} Oracle [sighing]: Zadoc, a simple yes would suffice. Does this library
} message mean anything to you?
}
} Zadoc: Nothing at all! It's a filthy lie! I've never heard of such a
} volume in all my life!
}
} Oracle: So you expect me to believe it's a coincidence that this book
} was borrowed from the library on the very day you arrived here?
}
} Zadoc [breaking into sobs]: All right! It's true! It's true! I borrowed
} the book so I could stop my bed-wetting problem. I thought it was
} unworthy that a priest of yours would still wet the bed.
}
} Oracle: So have you stopped yet?
}
} Zadoc: Well, um, the results have been... that is to say, uh, progress
} has been mixed and... it's, um, an ongoing progress, so, er, actually,
} um, no.
}
} Oracle: No? After nine years?
}
} Zadoc: Forgive me, O Most Benevolent Master! I thought it would be easy
} to beat the problem, but the hypnosis hasn't quite gone to plan.
}
} Oracle: The hypnosis didn't work?
}
} Zadoc: Er, sort of. Sometimes I think I'm a woodchuck.
}
} Oracle: YOU ROTTING PILE OF LEMUR FUR! HOW DARE YOU MENTION THAT WORD
} IN FRONT OF ME!
}
} (Zadoc collapses in a heap, wetting his pants.)
}
} Oracle: Oh, gods. Get out, worm!
}
} (The Oracle snaps his fingers at a passing cleaner. Zadoc immediately
} jumps onto all fours, looking for pieces of wood to throw.)
}
} Oracle [burying his face in his hands]: I stepped right into that one,
} didn't I?
}
} (Zadoc continues his unctuous movement around the room. The Oracle
} picks up his staff.)
}
} ** ZOT **
}
} Ahem.
}
} Dear Mr. Liber,
} Apologies for the extended borrowing of the aforementioned book. One of
} my priests is still attempting to follow the course prescribed in same,
} and is expected to have the book out for the foreseeable future. Given
} that I'm omniscient, that's a pretty darn long time.
}
} Regards,
} The Oracle.
}
} P.S. You owe... actually, I guess I owe you a big fine, don't I?
|