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} !!! THE TOIJ QUIZ !!!
} ---------------------
} Which Internet Oracle (tm)
} Tired Old In-Joke Are You?
}
} Score yourself against each of the following statements on a scale of
} 1 to 5, where 1 = strongly agree, and 5 = strongly disagree.
}
} 1. I know everything there is to know, period.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 2. People tell me I am a net.sex.goddess, and I agree.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 3. I adore my boss, but he doesn't appreciate me.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 4. I like to chuck wood.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 5. I answer any question people ask me, except when they don't
} grovel.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 6. I'm into shirking, nose-picking and acne.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 7. My knees hurt most of the time.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 8. I'm so hot I cause spontaneous erections at 500 paces.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 9. I am always kind, understanding and patient with people, except
} when they don't grovel.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 10. I really like to chuck wood.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 11. My job includes sweeping floors, cleaning toilets and repairing
} plastic inflatable sheep.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 12. I'm sexually attracted to immortal, omniscient beings - and also
} anything that moves.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 13. My spirit regularly enters into people (aka "incarnations") who
} really ought to get out more.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 14. To be honest, I quite enjoy being constantly humiliated and
} verbally abused.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 15. Did I mention I like to chuck wood?
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 16. I'm either an ancient Greek deity, or a computer program written
} by a guy called Kinzler, or both.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 17. I like wearing black, living in Atlanta and having a surname that
} rhymes with "spew".
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 18. I'm a team of 3 fearless women who will answer any question, any
} place, any time, in return for large sums of money.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 19. Look, some of us worked hard to forget that whole unfortunate DRI
} business, so don't start raking it all up again, OK?
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 20. Sorry - pretend I didn't mention it.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 21. I would have been immortal too if only Handel had managed to
} spell my name right. You write it with a "C", dillweed!
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 22. Once a year, on the 2nd of February, I break off chucking wood to
} give a weather forecast.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 23. When not having sex, I like to go shopping. Just kidding! Who has
} the time?
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 24. As giving weather forecasts frequently ends up with me being
} kidnapped by a deranged Bill Murray, I mostly just stick to
} chucking wood.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} 25. I'm Steve Irwin.
} (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
}
} +---------------+
} | SUBMIT |
} +---------------+
}
} Now, let me see... that's a 1, 2, 5, 5, 1, 5, 4, 3... Click on
} Submit...
}
} "You are the Internet Oracle. You are infinitely wise, infinitely
} understanding and infinitely generous, except when supplicants don't
} grovel like they're supposed to, in which case you generally ZOT them
} to smithereens in a fit of pique."
}
} Well, that's me done. How did you score? In the absence of anything
} remotely resembling a grovel, I sure hope for your sake you don't
} turn out to be a Supplicant.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
