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} Oh yes, Supplicant, you can scream. And you should. You in a
} heap o' trouble, boy.
}
} February 2005: You are served with a Summons stating that your
} case is being re-opened.
}
} March 2005: The Corpus Delectable (your ex-wife) swears under
} oath that you not only are suffering from Bankrupture but are
} Intestate as well.
}
} April 2005: The prosecution files new charges, Estoppel of
} Double Jeopardy, subpoenaing Alex Trebek as their key witness.
} He refuses to testify, and as a result never works in television
} (nor, tragically, even gets an appointment at a Hollywood salon
} to have a decent perm) again. Nonetheless the indictment stands.
}
} May 2005: While out on bail awaiting your fair trial, you are
} declared out at a softball game under the Infield Fly Rule even
} though you hit the ball cleanly over the fence for what should
} have been a game winning home run. The call is upheld on appeal,
} as the league commissioner turns out to be your presiding judge's
} brother in law.
}
} June 2005: Probate proceedings are conducted regarding your
} estate, in preparation for your fair trial. Your ex-wife gets
} it all.
}
} July 2005: Charges of Taxation Without Representation are brought,
} even though you are merely a private-practice CPA in Biloxi,
} Mississippi. The U.S. revolts and you are assessed the entire
} cost of another cleanup of Boston Harbor, to be earned via hard
} labor in debtors' prison pending fair trial since you are now
} destitute.
}
} August 2005: New accusations of Moot Nolo Contendere with intent
} to commit Aggravated Putative Voir Dire are leveled against you.
} The judge will take their word for it.
}
} September 2005: Turns out they're only getting warmed up. Ipso
} Facto, Pepto Bismol, and Presto Change-o, you get nailed with
} Bona Fide Nunc Pro Tunc In Camera, a Temporary Restraining Order
} against Restraint of Temporal Ordering, and Quid Pro Quo Quantum
} Meruit Without Merit. Also you are ticketed for speeding, due
} to witnesses, anonymously under provisions of the Patriot Act,
} swearing they saw you make the Kessel run in less than twelve
} parsecs.
}
} October 2005: Dura Lex, Sed Lex, the judge reminds you at your
} next pre-fair-trial hearing. Ne Bis In Idem, he adds; so they're
} gonna get you good the first time around, Alex Trebek be damned.
}
} November 2005: A writ of De Jure Dismissal With De Facto Prejudice
} leaves your lawyers no option but a plea bargain. After five
} minutes of marathon negotiations they get you lethal injection
} plus electrocution (sentences to be served concurrently rather
} than consecutively) at week's end, with possibility of parole
} afterward for good behavior, instead of the maximum penalty of
} ninety days' probation.
}
} December 2005: The judge honeymoons in Acapulco with your ex-wife.
} Amicus Curiae, indeed.
}
} You owe the Oracle front row gallery seats at the courthouse.
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