Goto:

1369, 1369-01, 1369-02, 1369-03, 1369-04, 1369-05, 1369-06, 1369-07, 1369-08, 1369-09, 1369-10

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great oracle of the powers above, one who invented philosophy, > who has such awsome powers of knitting, who always wears jumpsuits, > I beg of you to answer my hypthetical question. In the later hours of > a doldrum day, I came upon a frivolous encyclopedia of trival knowledge > named "It's Obvious You Won't Survive On your Wits Alone". I decided > to open this book to see what was in it, and found this question > unanswered: Who would win if a giant moth fought a giant but modest > bee in an All-wool jumpsuit? The bee is wearing the jumpsuit, and > this is purely hypothetical. > So, that brings me to the question. Who would win if a giant moth > fought a giant but modest bee in an All-wool jumpsuit?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} All things happen for a reason, supplicant, and now I understand the } nature of what I saw a few years back. } } It started one rainy afternoon.  I was making a day of flipping } through the channels (as you can imagine, I get a LOT of stations), } and I ended up on a program entitled "E! True Hollywood Story".  As } best I could figure, it was about the modern-day suffering of great } stars from the past. } } The show was about the Mosura trial of 2001.  Perhaps better known as } Mothra, Mosura was a proud giant moth, probably one of the very few } from this plane of existance.  He had a hit in the 60s with his } self-titled movie, but things went downhill with lower and lower } budget hack sequels.  The final straw was the horrible remake in 1996, } which added a bunch of confusing fantasy elements to what was at its } core a giant monster sci-fi vehicle.  It actually did all right at the } box office, but Mosura believed he had sold out giant monsters } everywhere.  His soul was crushed. } } He never did recover from this.  Unfit for movie work and broke (have } you ever seen a moth try to handle his finances), he was forced into a } series of demeaning breakfast cereal commercials, until he eventually } did what was in his nature -- massive destruction.  One of the victims } was Julian, the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee.  Some say it was the sight of } his giant wool jumpsuit that enraged Mosura and sent him past the } breaking point.  Julian never stood a chance. } } So there you have it. } } You owe the Oracle a tummy tempting of the nuts-and-honey-taste style.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Y0 7|-|3|23 0|2<13 |)00|), J00 4|23 73|-| 1337357, 7311 |\/|3... > > |-|0\/\/ /\/\|_|<|-| \/\/00|) \/\/0|_||_|) 4 \/\/00|)<|-||_|<|< > <|-||_|<|< > 1F 4 \/\/00|)<|-||_|<|< <0|_|1|) <|-||_|<|< \/\/00|)??+ > > [ 0|-| Y35, \/\/3 4|R3 7|-|3 P|20 |-|4XXX0|2 > \/\/00|)<|-||_|<|<Z0|2!!!1 > |\|0\/\/ \/\/3 5|-|411 |20X0|2 J00|2 B0X0|2!!!!11 7|-|15 15 7|-|3 > 3|\||) 0F > 73|-| 0|24<13!!!1 ]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear supplicant, } } This is to notify you that you have activated the Internet } Oracle's Marmot Intrusion Detection System: } } --------------------------------------------------------------- } | Woodchuck |-|4x0|2 (Haxor)  vs.     Woodchuck "Hacker"      | } |------------------------------|------------------------------| } |Favorite Tools:  PC, Internet |Favorite Tools:  Bone saw, rib| } |connection, Haxors for dummies|cage separator, scalpel, axe, | } |book, Haxor-to-english        |chain saw, marmot restraints, | } |alphabet chart, and a member- |and various medieval torture  | } |ship to scriptz "r" us.       |implements.                   | } --------------------------------------------------------------- } |Battle Cry:  "0|-| Y35, \/\/3 |Battle Cry:  "Your skull shall| } |4|R3 7|-|3 P|20 |-|4XXX0|2"   |be my trophy!"                | } --------------------------------------------------------------- } |Motivation:  To prove         |Motivation:  $5 per woodchuck | } |"|_337|/|355"                 |hide paid by some guy in      | } |                              |Indiana, but also because it  | } |                              |satisfies his homicidal       | } |                              |desires for a few moments.    | } --------------------------------------------------------------- } } I'm afraid that this can only end badly for you.  You don't owe } anything.  The entertainment value will be payment enough.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Great Oracle, who understands even the opposite sex, > > After the most recent Oracularities digest (#1368), I must ask:  have > you thought about starting your own love-advice column?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm, a good suggestion indeed, but consider: after the first few } millenia, virtually the only thing I'd ever be asked would be as such: } } "Oh most sagacious Oracle, whose Valentine's Day chocolate-wrappers I } am most unworthy to lick, I beseech thee in an evermost quest for } knowledge: } How many hearts could a heart-chuck chuck if a heart-chuck could chuck } hearts?" } } You owe the Oracle a good dictionary definition of 'heart-chuck'.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Catastrophic leader of knowledge, > > Boxers or briefs?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} *Dog whistle* Depends...

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wazzup?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Kitty401: nm u? } Lilyup203: same } Kitty401 has Logged  off. } Lilyup203: wtf? } Kitty401 has Logged on. } Lilyup203: what happened? } Kitty401: orrie decided that he needed a donut from the managment } fridge had to look busy } Lilyup203: oh k } Kitty401: fyi i might do that again } Lilyup203: k } Kitty401: shoot gtg } Lilyup203: ttyl?? } Kitty401: tottaly } Kitty401 has Logged off. } Lilyup203: bye } Lilyup203 has Logged off

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I like this guy. He likes me. Does that make us boyfriend and > girlfriend, or just random people?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} if you're 5: friends } 10: enemies } 15: BF & GF, or enemies, if something broke you up } 20: Random People, or living together } 25: Fiances, or Pen pals } 30: Married, or never going to see each other again } 50: A happy couple, or an old bat and a TV scammer } } So, as you can see, It depends on your age.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most coolly neat of all Oracles, I beg of thee, please hear the > supplication of this lowly mortal. > > I recently got a job privinf call-in phone support for an American cell > phone servcie. Judging by the calls I have listened in on during > training, a lot of the calls I will be answering will be from utter > morons who ask "How do I turn off my cell phone?" or "What do you mean > I have to pay for those 250 text messages over my limit of 100 free > ones?" > > I ask thee, what is the best way for me to keep from calling them > idiots while answering their questions so I won't get fired?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Do what I do with brainless suplicants, imagine them in their } underwear.  After that traumatic experience, their moronic questions } won't seem half as bad. } } You owe The Oracle a phone that doesn't ring 10 seconds after he's } climbed into the bath.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle grant me an answer! > What character of Stargate Atlantis are you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let's reason this out, supplicant.  In fact, I will cater to your } PowerPoint poisoned mind by showing you a bulleted list. } }  - I have vast powers that you are just beginning to understand. } }  - I need a supplicant base on which to feed, er, I mean from whom I can }    demand offerings.  Without supplicants, I might just as well }    hibernate. } }  - I possess highly advanced technology (e.g., the Zot Staff). } }  - I often succumb to cliches. } }  - I have a beautiful consort.  No, wait, nobody on Stargate Atlantis }    has any kind of consort, beautiful or otherwise.  Strike this point. } }  - In spite of all my advanced technology, the supplicants that annoy me }    the most keep coming back and annoying me more, no matter how much I }    shoot at them.  Don't you dare suggest more time on the shooting }    practice range. } }  - I am cocky. } } I should think it was obvious, supplicant.  Clearly I am the City of } Atlantis. } } You owe the Oracle a treatise entitled, "Long-Term Effects of Megadoses } of Prozac on Wraith Biochemistry", and a reason why the colonists did } not make poison darts out of the Hoffan miracle drug.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> To grovel this time I've flown in on Groucho's You > Bet Your Life duck, carrying $100, to be divided. > I give half of the money to you.  Who gets the other > half?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Now, before I answer that, let me give you a free piece of advice. } If you divide the $100 dollar bill into five parts as perscribed by } the Banach-Tarski decomposition, you will be able to re-assemble the } pieces into two identical $100 dollar bills. Repeat this process n } times to earn 100*2^n dollars. Once you have produced enough money } in this way, give the $50 to me, give $50 to, ooh, I don't know, } Patrick Swayze, and use the remaining squillion dollars to build } a huge city the size of Texas in central South America. Get the } top architects in the world to design everything as perfectly as } possible, and then make it completely free for anyone to live there } (but be sure to include a clause that any crime committed will get } them kicked out of the city permanently in order to keep civil rest). } Now, watch as the world's population flock to the city and you will } permanently have distorted the world's balance of power. Don't forget } to name the city "Kiss-My-Ass-burg" in order to amuse yourself. } } You owe the Oracle a copy of "Dr. Phil's Ultimate Weight Loss } Challenge".

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle most bored and benevolent, > > Please tell me 011010000110111101110111001000000110110101100001011011100 > 111100100100000011100000110010101101111011100000110110001100101001000000 > 111010101101110011001000110010101110010011100110111010001100001011011100 > 110010000100000011101000110100001101001011100110010111000100000010000010 > 110110100100000010010010010000001100001001000000110011001110010011001010 > 110000101101011001000000110011001101111011100100010000001100001011100110 > 110101101101001011011100110011100111111001000000100111001101111001000000 > 111001001100101011000010110110001101100011110010010000001100001011011010 > 010000001001001001111110010000001011001011011110111010100100000011000110 > 110000101101110001000000111010001100101011011000110110000100000011011010 > 110010100111111

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I admire your courage to attempt the extra credit question, trying to } calculate all the bits of pi in 3.717 fixed-point notation, but I'm } afraid your algorithm is flawed. The 318th bit after your implied radix } should be 0, not 1. I suggest you re-check your work - you may have a } speck of dirt that made a 1 look like a 0. } } You -did- write down your work, didn't you? You DIDN'T? What did your } teachers tell you about showing your work! You could have gotten } partial credit! As it is, I'll have to give you a 0.00000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 } 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000,