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} >look
}
} MAIN SOUND STAGE
} You are on the main sound stage of "Cooking with Orrie," your bi-annual
} PBS fund-raising special. The stage looks like a typical suburban
} kitchen except for the 200-person auditorium and three camera setups to
} the north. The wings extend to the east and west. A closed door leads
} to the south.
} Bright lights obscure your view of the auditorium.
}
} >inventory
}
} You are carrying half a stick of butter, a tub of margarine, and a
} complete set of stainless steel Ginsu kitchenware (minus the
} complimentary steak knife)
}
} Lisa enters from the east.
}
} >examine Lisa
}
} Lisa is wearing a leopard print chef's costume, and has obviously spent
} a great deal of time fixing her hair.
}
} >talk to her
}
} I only understand you as far as wanting to talk.
} Lisa leans over the counter. "I haven't found the recipe yet," she
} whispers in your ear. "But don't worry, Zadoc is looking it up on the
} Internet right now. For the time being just get them both out and be
} flexible. You're on in FIVE." She sets a timer on the counter.
}
} >talk to Lisa
}
} Lisa is not in the room!
} Lisa exits to the east.
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >follow her
}
} I don't understand.
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >east
}
} You are on in THREE!
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >examine timer
}
} The timer looks like any ordinary kitchen timer. It is pointing to the
} numeral TWO.
}
} >put all on the counter
}
} Tub of margarine: dropped
} Complete set of stainless steel Ginsu kitchenware (minus the
} complimentary steak knife): dropped
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >find butter
}
} The half-stick of butter is not in the room!
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >east
}
} You are on in ONE!
} The timer ticks contentedly to itself.
}
} >inventory
}
} You are carrying nothing.
} The timer DINGS! contentedly to itself.
}
} ON THE AIR
} This show is made possible in part by the generous contributions of
} supplicants like you. Today on "Cooking with Orrie", the Usenet Oracle
} is going to demonstrate the proper method for creating his famous
} "Delphic Delights" after dinner sweets. Many have tried and all have
} failed to replicate the distinctive taste of these bits of baked
} ambrosia, but today The Oracle himself will reveal the secret to
} successful Delphic Cooking.
}
} >find lisa
}
} Lisa is not in the room!
} The audience looks at you expectantly.
}
} >examine kitchen
}
} The kitchen contains all the paraphernalia of a normal suburban
} kitchen, with the addition of three ovens, two giant mixing bowls, a
} full set of stainless steel Ginsu kitchenware (minus the complimentary
} steak knife), an industrial zotting machine, and a stove, on top of
} which is a giant cookpot. A door to the south leads to a black
} curtain, and the wings extend to the east and west.
} The audience looks at you expectantly.
} You hear a muffled thumping noise.
}
} >examine pot
}
} Which pot, the one the stove or in the plastic bag?
} The audience looks at you expectantly.
} You hear a muffled thumping noise.
}
} >examine noise
}
} The muffled thumping appears to be emanating from behind the door to
} the south. Occasionally you hear a whimper, as of some animal in pain.
} The audience looks at you expectantly.
} You hear a muffled thumping noise.
}
} >open door
}
} As you jerk the door wide open you hear a loud scream, and see
} something white flit behind a curtain.
} The wrapper from a half-stick of butter falls to the floor.
} A leopard print chef's costume falls to the floor.
}
} >tear curtain
}
} You reach up and gather a great handful of cloth, then pull downwards
} with your mighty Oracular strength. The black curtain tumbles to the
} ground revealing Zadoc and Lisa, both completely nude and covered in
} butter, cowering in the corner.
}
} >take margarine, put it in pot on stove
}
} Tub of margarine: taken
} Into the giant cookpot you throw the margarine, which immediately melts
} and begins to boil excitedly.
} Lisa screams.
}
} >take zadoc, put him in pot on stove
}
} Zadoc: taken
} As you dangle the squirming priest above the bubbling pot of oil you
} ask him a single question.
}
} "Why?"
}
} Zadoc: "I'm not going to beg. I did it because margarine just doesn't
} do the job, you know? Sometimes, when you need a field expedient and
} find yourself short, there's just no substitute for the real thing.
} And you had the last half-stick. That reminds me of a funny-" You let
} him drop, then turn to the audience.
}
} "Ladies and gentlemen, the secret ingredient to ALL Delphic Delights is
} adultery. Adultery will add spice to any food, but always, ALWAYS, let
} it be someone else's."
}
} You would have said more, but were interrupted by an outrageously long
} pledge drive.
}
} YOU HAVE WON- BUT LOST AT THE SAME TIME, CUCKOLD!
} ****************************************************************
}
} "Before you'd posed the question
} And given your request,
} 'Twixt butter pure and margarine
} I'd thought the former "best".
}
} But now I'm forced to say
} That neither one's more fit,
} It all depends on context
} And what you do with it."
}
} You owe the Oracle a pair of horns.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
