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} You have to consider, of course, exactly what the European and
} the African are swallowing. The French are the epitome of
} Europeanism, so we shall consider them first. What do the
} French swallow? Wine, snails, and frogs. The wine they
} swallow quickly and frequently, hence the French medical
} lament, "Ma fois!" Snails by their very nature are eaten
} slowly. Everything about a snail is slow. Last time I ate
} a snail, it was so slow it never got into my mouth, thank
} goodness. Frogs are fast, and they sort of make up for the
} speed of the snails. So two out of three gives the French,
} and thus the European swallow, a good rate of speed. We'll
} call it five glugs per minute, in the absence of any other
} evidence.
}
} For the African swallow, the question immediately arises,
} "Which part of Africa?" The continent is so BIG! But if you
} happen to meet an African wandering around central Indiana
} (for example) the chances are pretty good that he's from
} Senegal. And Senegal used to be a French colony, years ago.
} The Senegalese still speak French, and of course follow many
} of the quaint customs of the French. So they drink wine and
} eat snails and frogs. But good French wine is hard to find
} in Africa. (Heck, it's hard to find anywhere, the German
} wine being so much better.) So they drink it more slowly.
} Assuming the snails and frogs remain constant, that makes
} the African swallow about four glugs per minute, for an
} educated guess, in the absence of any other evidence.
}
} You owe the Oracle a dissertation on the Manischewitz
} swallow.
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