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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Oracle Most Sublemon and Sublime, > > With the advent of Wikipedia, has the need for an Internet Oracle > passed?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} While both pass gibberish off as wisdom the problem with } Wikipedia is that precious few of its users realize it is } a joke, while it is rare to find anyone participating in } Oracle experience who isn't in on the gag. } } You owe the Oracle an airplane piloted by passenger consensus.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Great Oriole, er Oracle, I've been thinking: > > In Oracularity #1403 I'd only been here for about one week, had never > written or asked any questions for you before (heck I didn't knew you > existed), and yet as a first timer I already had two oracularities that > were digested (you already know which ones) > > After that I had a steady supply of 2 or sometimes 3 in the digest, > some of them I really think wasn't that good. > > Finally in #1409 I had stopped trying and got 8 QUESTIONS OR ANSWERS > DIGESTED.. > > Is the chance of digestion inversely proportional to how hard you try??

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > Finally in #1409 I had stopped trying and got 8 } > QUESTIONS OR ANSWERS DIGESTED.. } } And? } } The supplicant typing this answer out for The Oracle } got eight answers or questions in three digests in a } row; 1032, 1033, and 1034, if you must know. It doesn't } really mean much. } } His life didn't change one iota. Still sits there, typing } away. Eating bad food, in a darkened room, eyes weakened } by raster burns. And while he's not alone in this regard, } he is in fact all alone. . . } } [ The Oracle pulls out a guitar as the house lights dim ] } } Ah, look at all the lonely supplicants } } Supplicant 'A' answers questions from a queue where } a tellme was sent in } } Lives in a chair } } Waiting on Windows he stares at a space that emits } beeps where there's mail --what a bore } } This is what life's for? } } All the lonely supplicants } Where do they all come from? } All the lonely supplicants } What are they doing this for? } } Supplicant B writing the words of a parody song that } no one will hear } } It's text my dear } } Look at him working. honing his jokes in the night } when there's nobody there } } Like anyone cares } } All the lonely supplicants } Where do these words come from? } All the lonely supplicants } Why have they done this for so long? } } Supplicant C lied in an answer that was ignored `cuase she } included a .sig w/ her name } } Priest found it lame } } Supplicant D typing out dirt with one hand as he waxes } on about silly sex-slaves } } Not one reply saved } } All the lonely supplicants } Their names not even on the From: } All the lonely supplicants } Even in rhod they don't belong. } . } } Sheesh, come on. Hold up your lighter or buy an overpriced } commemorative World Tour t-shirt in lobby or something. } } <sigh> } } You owe the Oracle some Prozac.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Is it dishonest or wrong if I send a question using the form in the > Oracle website, and claim someone else wrote it, and put his/her > mailbox instead of mine?  Is it forgivable if I do it accidently?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} > Is it dishonest or wrong if I send a question using } > the form in the Oracle website,  and claim someone } > else wrote it, and put his/her mailbox instead of mine? } } Yes. In fact depending on who was involved and the nature } of the question it could range all the way from illegal } to a violation of your TOS to just lame --with the later } the most likely. Don't do it, surely you can find some- } thing else to do with your Summer. Don't abuse the Oracle. } } > Is it forgivable if I do it accidently? } } Yes Mr. Secret Service agent I just accidentally typed in } that address for my question advocating crimes against } the state implicating my ex. Common error. What do you } mean you need to impound my computer until the investigation } is over? Hey, look. It's a joke... <ack> Hey! HEY!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How does bad behavior differ from lawyering?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Law school is not optional for lawyers.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I found the needle in the haystack. Where do I apply for my prize?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Congratulations. The application is between two pages } of a book somewhere in the Library of Congress. Good } luck! } } You owe the Oracle that grain of sand over there. No, } not that one. No, that one isn't it either. No, not } that one. The one over there. No, sorry. Try again.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Most resourceful and wise Oracle, > > What should I do on labor day?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Go ahead and take the epidural.  The "natural" bullshit works for about } the first two minutes, after that you're going to wish you were on } morphine. Don't make your husband stand there with you - he'll either } pass out or barf, he's not qualified to do anything useful anyway, and } in any case watching that will put the kibosh on romance for the } foreseeable future. Hire a professional to videotape the whole } performance, that way you get a quality production that you can edit as } you please.  Use Vivaldi for the background music.  When it's all over, } pretend you didn't feel anything and ask the doctor if he's sure you're } really through. } } You owe the Oracle a zygote.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle, the light of your bulb from the flashlight of which > William S. Burroughs spoke of! > > What would Robin Hood be up to if he were alive nowadays?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yo yo yo! Yo! The bow aynd AHROHW was like the shuperior *ganster* } weapon of the Middal Ayghes yo! } } Like boom, wheek, right through you yo, and on through your horses ass! } Fo-hundrad yards! 10- shots pah tick yo! } } You modern ppls buns! Back in da dae we got these like LONGBOWS here } widda 160 pound test weights that would just pwn yo sholder blades! Yo } weak ass can't e'en pull a 20! ooooh diss! } } I meen Practice make perfect yo, we pizzaz it evry DAY to keep owr pimp } hand way strong an be able t0 do battel, yo. } } You week. I outtahere.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please tell me how to milk my waternelons of their smooth supple > juices.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, first of all, it's best not to use your own. Although that can } fun too, it is not nothing compared a willing partner's..... } } Oh, you said WATERmelons? Sorry 'bout that, then..... } } The juiciest watermelons are those with a supple skin. Use your } fingers to test it: run it gently on the skin. The skin should be } supple and pink... } } Damn, Oracle, he said WATERmelons! Concentrate, Orrie, con-cen-tra-te!! } } If the melon is suitable, the two best-known ways to milk their smooth } supple juices are to squeeze them and to lick them. Squeezing requires } some experience, and is typically used as a preliminary to other kinds } of juicing as it relaxes the... } } WATERmelons! WATER! WATER! WA-TER-ME-LONS!!!!!! } } Licking and sucking, on the other hand, is the easiest and fastest way } to get the juice out of the melon. If the melon is in the mood, gentle } biting can even be.... } } LISA> Orrie, darling, what are you doing? } } ORACLE> What? Ahem, just answering a question dear.... } } LISA> Well, from the look of it, you seem have a hard time.... Are you } sure you don't want a practice run? Just to be sure you tell the } supplicant the right thing, you know... } } ORACLE> Ah, hem, I really shouldn't, but, oof, yeah, that feels nice, } I...... } } The Oracle will finish answering your question later. You owe the } Oracle at least 2 hours off. And make it three hours if you ever send } another question like that.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Silence. The supplicant looked about in bewilderment. The Temple was } usually filled with activity, but its halls were now dark and empty. No } priests, no other supplicants, none of the Oracle's usual hangers-on. } The supplicant nervously peered around the door to the throne room, } but that was as dim and strangely quiet as the rest of the Temple. } } Suddenly there was a series of beeps in rising pitch, and from an } unseen source the unmistakable tones of the Oracle boomed brightly } into  the room. } } "You've reached the home of the Internet Oracle. We're all out on } an extended vacation right now, and won't be back to answer your } questions for a few days. Please direct any questions you have to } my temporary replacement. Thank you." } } The supplicant glanced at the round black object sitting on the } Oracle's throne. Oh well.  An answer was an answer. The supplicant } knelt  before the throne, picked up the ball, and gave it a vigorous } shake. } } > Oh Eight-Ball most spherical, always found with deep pockets, please } > answer my humble query. } > } > I'm looking for an email program. What advice can you give me? } } And in response, thus spake the Eight-Ball: }  ______________ }  \            / }   \ OUTLOOK  / }    \ NOT SO / }     \ GOOD / }      \    / }       \  / }        \/

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> WWIGTA?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}     "Hmm..." said Montgomery, rubbing his chin. "I'm } afraid I don't get how that would work. Automobiles } weren't that common at the time, were they?" }     "Oh, but it wouldn't take place in a city like the } others." said Ohme earnestly. "The player would be on } the battlefield, jumping from trench to jeep to tank } at will. Instead of working for gangs, you'd take jobs } from Germany, France, and Austria-Hungary. You'd get } to use weapons and vehicles from that era. And if it's } a success, I even have an idea for an expansion pack!" }     "That being?" said Montgomery, obviously only } humoring the other man. }     "Grand Theft Auto: World War One Edition: The } Eastern Front!" }     "...I think not." Ohme looked crushed. Montgomery, } ignoring him, turned to another executive at the } table. "And what was your idea, Hambleton?" }     "Grand Theft Auto: Ancient Egypt!" }     Montgomery sighed and shook his head. "I liked it } better back in the day when just substituting some } vaguely West Coast-inspired locale name for a sequel } number was enough of a novelty. I think we'd better } hire Miyamoto if we want to infuse new life into this } series." }     Hambleton looked aghast. "Cel-shaded GTA? Are you } crazy?" } }     *  *  * } } You owe the Oracle a back issue of Game Informer from 2012.