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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, keeper of the box with all the stuff in it. > Please stoop to help a lowly supplicant with this dilemma. > > I have a great Idea (note the capitol "I"). An Idea so fantastic that I > just know I will make a big pile of cash, and all the things that go > with it. > > An Idea so enrapturing that people will line up around the block to pay > rediculous amounts of money, just to be told how the Idea works! > > People will conquer their fears, push out from the shells that bind > them! Go in to the world and take what is rightfully theirs!!! > > This Idea is so powerful, yet so simple. It unlocks the door to > happiness, allows one's problems to simply melt away. Throws open the > window and lets the light of the soul shine!! (that kind of thing) > > The only thing is... I know it's a load of garbage. Not one iota of > truth in the whole Idea. Just a bunch of blustery big sounding pop > psychology terms, some basic slight of hand, and liberal application of > the placebo effect. > > The question oh wise and wonderful Oracle who's knowledge knows no > bounds is: > > Should I do it anyway?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I have a better idea for you. It will really } change the lives of millions. } } Take a truck of coal and a few cans of barbecue primer. } Oh and a big box of windproof matches. } } Go to Greenland. Travel across it from east } to west, across the very center. Light a little } bonfire on the snow every half mile. } } In about two months' time, the ice will snap } and the southern half will slide down into } the Atlantic, raising the world sea level } by about two feet. Venice and half the Netherlands } will become history, Bangla Desh will be an } archipelago of treetops with scared people } holding on to twigs over a sea full of sharks, } Belgium, Japan and New Zealand will each lose } roughly 10% of their area. Oh, you're asking } about New Orleans? Who cares, it's in America. } } Why should you do it, you ask? Because you can, } that's why! Because noone has yet done it. } Because by doing this, you will make a difference. } } You owe the Oracle an ark.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I want to be a geolologist. Tell me all about the ingenious rocks and > the sedentary rocks.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I wanna be a nudist, but we can't always get what we want, can we? } } Here's your trouble, supplicant: } No gravel. Gravelling is important for making the path smooth. A badly } chosen gravel can result in a supplicant too finely crushed, dusty, or } with small and intensely interesting Rocks in the Shoe. } } As to the ingenious and the sedentary, I was going to be magmanimous } and answer you anyway, but I've cooled from the topic. Such a body of } knowledge can only be laid down bit by bit, over time, and frankly my } new Aeron chair is too comfortable for me to do much today. Look it up } yourself. } } You owe the Oracle a rockery. One that looks nice. (And not too } expensive.)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Heya Mr Oracle Ma-a-a-a-n! > > I got a hot date tonight! Which of my brightly coloured matching polka > dotted tie a cuff-link combinations should I wear?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} <shiver> } } The image of a clown out on the town freaks the Oracle out. } } But in the interest of, heavens knows what, the Oracle offers } you this, } }       oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo } }       1st Date Do's and HONK! HONK! HONK! Don'ts for Clowns } }       oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo } } 1) Be Your Wackiest Self: }     This is not the time to share tales of sight gags gone south }     or complain about the high cost of three foot long shoes. No }     one wants to hear any tears of a clown crap on a first date. Be }     Zany! No one goes out with a clown hoping for a maudlin sob fest. } } 2) Be a Good Listener }     Yes, your whoopee cushion and bike horn and party buzzer all sound }     zany, but when the other person is talking stare at them intently. }     After they're done speaking you can show you were paying attention }     by repeatedly sitting on your whoopee cushion and/or honking your }     bicycle horn all you like. } } 3) Don't make a snap judgment the second you see them. }     Yeah, yeah. As a clown you spend more time in front of a mirror }     than a fifteen year old girl, but just because *you* spend 4 hours }     a day on Bobby Kaye homage eye stripes, don't judge them harshly }     if they have a small spot of lipstick on their teeth or a tiny }     little straggly hair clutching dried booger hanging out of their }     nose. You're a pasty faced loon with orange hair for heavens sake, }     they're cutting you some slack, show them the same consideration. } } 4) Don't get drunk }     Nothing is scarier than a drunken clown racing around town in a }     tiny car with unlimited seating capacity throwing half empty }     pints of Southern Comfort out the windows at mimes in hopes of }     picking a fight. Save that kind of action for a second date. } } 5) DO NOT TAKE YOUR DATE TO THE CIRCUS }     Sure you can get free cotton candy and peanuts there, maybe }     even a ride on the elephant, but it screams CHEAP. Go someplace }     classy like the Getty Museum, Chichen Itza, or The Gateway }     Arch Riverfront. Someplace that says, "I may be motley, but }     I'm no rube!" } }       oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo oO0Oo } } You owe the Oracle some mouthwash, even thinking about clowns } dating has left a funny taste in his mouth. NO! The Oracle } wasn't implying that. See, see that's why we all hate you damn } clowns. Now, go shoo. Get outta here. Now.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle Most Wise, please tell me what color sweatshirt am I wearing?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, no, no. You're telling the joke all wrong. A guy asks his } mom if he should wear his blue sweatshirt or green windbreaker } on his first date with Suzy. And the mom says, Neither! Last } thing Suzy wants to do is open the door and see you and think } 'Oh great! He's planning on getting sweaty, or even worse, } breaking a lot of wind before the night is over.' } } You owe the Oracle a Kevlar ball cap.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Rumors are going around that I'm "innocent".  How do I fix this?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear O.J. } } Just be yourself, that will fix it } } The Oracle

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How do I beat Lemmings?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} An aluminum bat works well for me. } } You owe the Oracle some Cliff Notes.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Grand Oracle, you are far less repulsive than normal. It's an honor to > speak with you this time, unlike last week. > > Why is the weather so increpid?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Why, thank you.  It's nice to hear a grovel that sounds sincere.  And } you know, I have been flossing a bit more lately.  Just a couple extra } passes with the ol' waxy thread...a new robe last week...a spritz or } two of that Oracular Orange Spray in the mornings.  I've been feeling a } little better, and taking better care of myself.  I guess it shows. } } And you, Supplicant, did I remark on how...fine you're looking lately? } You seem more mellow and at peace.  You don't carry as much tension in } your neck and shoulders as you used to.  You...oh.  Oh dear.  You're } looking a little too fine.  Hang on... } } ...yep.  Blasted another one to powder with my Oracular good looks. } } Sigh. } } Oh, I guess he actually asked something about the weather.  Well, I'd } mention something about how the morning dew sets the increpidity level } for the rest of the week...but I guess it doesn't matter anyway. } } You owe the Oracle a phial of dust.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise Oracle reasonable and good-hearted, > > Does it make sense to spend tens of thousands on > fertility treatments then once the kid is born to > ship it off to day care?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Likely more sense than wasting one's time writing to mythical } beings in the hope of useless awards for collaborative fiction.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Does Crispix taste like law and chess opening theory?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Pretty much.  The main difference is that no one's expected to memorize } Crispix to excel at a largely fake profession. } } You owe the Oracle a game of 1.e4 e5 2. f5 * as black and a biography } of David Bronstein.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh no you don't! Let's see what a Quad Core does to the original > Labyrinth after we're done with it..

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Theseus: Foul spawn of Pasiphae's unnatural union }           I will slay! }           No more minotaur supping on the cream }           of our youth! } } Chorus: He says noble words }          and speaks the wants of many! }          But all that enter the labyrinth }          their doom is sealed. }          We weep! } } Ariadne: Here Brave One! A way to defeat the vile thing! }           Not a string }           But a Quad Core I bring, }           It can render anything, or so I am told. } } Theseus: Thank you I do. I take this oddly weighed }           Intel item in one hand, my sword in the other }           Oh Minotaur calculate your days as ended! } } Chorus: He enters with this the first product placement }          of which we know. How bears this out? }          We fear... Hark here, the sounds of mayhem. }          Alas it seems the CPU was no help, }          Theseus is dead, }          a blue screen of death we'll hoist on ships outbound