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} {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
} The Oracle's 5 Step Guide to Being Likable
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}
} #1. Be Positive!
}
} The easiest way to become positive is rub yourself
} with a balloon, this transfers electrons to the
} balloon leaving you with a net positive charge.[1]
} This effect works best when the balloon is applied
} directly to your hair, & is a short term effect. So
} you should do this in the immediate vicinity of
} the person(s) you're trying to attract, and to get
} the maximum amount of body hair in contact with the
} balloon you should do this while naked. Since opposites
} attract once you're positive you'll attract negatives.
} And we all know the world is full of them. You'll be
} surrounded by people in no time!
}
} #2. Be a Person of Conviction!
}
} No one likes the wishy washy. Be proud of your convictions.
} Keep in mind some convictions make you more likable than
} others. Good Convictions include embezzlement, tax fraud,
} and cocaine cartel warlord. Bad convictions are child
} abuse, necrophilia, and spamming.
}
} #3. Contribute Something!
}
} No, we're not talking donating to the Red Cross here. We're
} talking contributing to the group or being a part of the
} conversation -- not being a lump on a log. Contributing
} to the conversation requires wit, and wisdom, and keeping
} abreast of world events. It's a lot of work. Best to just
} contribute money -- if you're buying round after round of
} drinks you are by definition very well liked by all. Bottom-
} line: Don't go anywhere without your credit card.
}
} #4. Don't Smell Bad!
}
} Not only females, but many men as well will not like being
} around you if you stink to high heaven. This very simple
} step is sometimes overlooked by "Please Like Me!" novices.
} Keep in mind the Three "B"s. Brush teeth, Barf not, and
} Butt sounds bad!
}
} #5. Ape the Successful!
}
} See that guy or gal over there that's the center of attention?
} See what they're doing different than you? Well, duh! Do what
} they're doing! Undo all the buttons on your blouse, kick
} the butt of everyone in the bar at arm wrestling, pull up in
} a Ferrari, be related to the boss. What ever it is, you should
} do it too! Ape your way to the top, that's called 'evolution'
} my friend.
}
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}
} You owe the Oracle some space.
}
} [1] Yes, it sounds backwards if you lost electrons you'd
} think you'd be negative. Thank that idiot Ben Franklin
} for naming the charges the opposite of what you'd
} think intuitively. But hey, he's on the $100 dollar
} bill which makes him -very- likable, so go figure.
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