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} Internet Oracle Customer Relations Department.
} Demi Gorgon, Facilitator
}
} Dear Supplicant,
}
} Thank you for availing yourself of the services of The Internet Oracle.
} Your opinion is of great value to us, so please take a brief moment to
} complete this online customer satisfaction survey and tell us about
} your recent supplicating experience. We welcome your input and the
} opportunity to enhance the quality of the superior service TIO gives.
} By completing the online survey, you are eligible to be in the drawing
} for a $50,000 gift card from Things Divine, TIO's gift catalog.
}
} Please login with your user name.
}
} Not a valid user name. Please enter your user name.
}
} Not a valid user name. Please enter your user name.
}
} Please enter your password.
}
} Invalid password.
}
} Invalid password. Password must be greater than five characters.
}
} Invalid password.
}
} Invalid password. Is your caps lock on? Password is case sensitive.
}
} Thank you. Login is successful.
} Please enter your grovel into the box, up to a maximum of 13,588
} characters.
} _________________________
} | |
} |_________________________|
} |SUBMIT| |CANCEL|
}
} Please wait, while we run a keyword scan on your grovel.
}
} Welcome to TIO's online customer satisfaction survey. Answer the
} following questions by filling in the blank next to the response that
} best reflects your feelings about your most recent supplicating
} experience.
}
} 1. In the past twelve months, I have beseeched the Internet Oracle...
} O a) never
} O b) fewer than three times
} O c) 3-5 times
} O d) more than five times
}
} 2. Regarding my grovel, I felt that it communicated...
} O a) confidence and parity of status
} O b) the correct trepidation without being obsequious
} O c) a deep and abiding abiding humility
} O d) awestruck rapture
} O e) there was no grovel
}
} 3. Regarding my grovel, the keyword count will show an acceptable
} occurrence of the words...
} O a) almighty
} O b) this unworthy one
} O c) your omnipotence
} O d) I wish to re-enter a new grovel
}
} 4. Upon reflection, my supplication could have been best served by...
} O a) absolutely no one else but the Internet Oracle
} O b) Dear Abby
} O c) my proctologist
} O d) keeping my big mouth shut
} ______
} |SUBMIT|
}
} We're sorry. You selected d on question 3. You must complete your new
} grovel prior to submitting this page of the survey.
} ______
} |SUBMIT|
}
} 5. The reply to my supplication arrived...
} O a) the same day it was sent.
} O b) within two days after sending.
} O c) more than two days after sending.
} O d) lost in the queue.
}
} 6. The reply to my supplication was...
} O a) the perfect panacea to what ailed me.
} O b) tough love tempered with humor.
} O c) couched in another Gilbert & Sullivan or Princess Bride parody.
} O d) lofty and arrogant
}
} 7. The tribute demanded by TIO was..
} O a) modest and respectful of my transient impecuniosity.
} O b) fairly representative of the value of the divine service rendered.
} O c) rather steep even for what you'd expect of a deity.
} O d) how does a schmuck like me get the Dallas cheerleaders to agree to
} do that?
} ______
} |SUBMIT|
}
} Thank you for participating in our online survey.
}
} The contents of this survey is proprietary to The Internet Oracle
} (TIO). By participating in this survey, supplicant agrees to abide by
} the terms of agreement set forth in the terms of service promulgated in
} the header. Any legal disputes or claims for compensation will be
} settled in one of two ways: 1) Arbitration by the impartial firm of
} Obeah, Dowser, & Hag, P.A. or 2) Staff of Zot against the supplicant's
} choice of weapon at twenty paces. In case of a judgement going against
} the plaintiff, the plaintiff will be responsible for legal costs
} incurred by the aforementioned Obeah, Dowser, & Hag, P.A. In lieu of
} cash payment, the supplicant may substitute twenty (20) years of
} indentured servitude to TIO plus any and all virgin daughters over the
} age of consent. Courts of arbitration are held on alternate leap years.
} Plaintiff must file Claim Form T-586QN prior to applying for an
} arbitration date. The Plaintiff will not be issued Claim Form T-586QN
} unless an arbitration date has been set.
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