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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ahhh, the eternal blank question. } } It's so fortunate that all my supplicants, even the most vulgar and the } most inept, are able to provide me with unerring snapshots of their } minds. } } In your case, for instance, a shadow of emptiness looms like a great, } looming thing over a more substantial, yet equally mystifying and empty } hollow of emptiness, within which lies the hearth-wretching and } abysmally exquisite residence of nothing at all. } } You don't owe the Oracle a damned thing.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please give me an education?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Here is an education in economics. } } You owe the Oracle $85,272, payable immediately.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> They've locked the closet which is where the aspirin was > kept. I'm not sure if they moved it somewhere or what, but > I have a bit of a headache. Please will that it go away. > Thanks.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Take this hammer and hit your thumb with it. The headache will vanish. } } When you drop the hammer it will land on your foot, so your thumb won't } hurt much, either.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Answering a sentence fragment?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hardly.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tell me more.  I want to learn about this fascinating subject.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, OK. } } You see, it was their singular lack of joints in the legs, along with } strongly habitual behaviour, that allowed them to be hunted to } extinction.  Lying down to sleep is an awkward proposition for a large } quadruped with stiff legs, and getting back up is problematic - so } usually they would pick a favourite tree and lean against it all } night.  This would leave a characteristic wear impression in the bark, } which northwoods loggers quickly learned to identify, and would often } cause the tree to lean conspicuously.  On finding such a tree, the } common practice was to cut most of the way through it from the low } side of the base, but leave it standing.  When the hugag returned, it } (and the tree) would fall with a resounding crash, alerting the } loggers, who would easily overcome the helpless creature.  A single } hugag would often supply a whole logging camp with stew meat for } weeks. } } You owe the Oracle a live squonk.  Saltwater will not be accepted as a } substitute.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I have noticed a tendency in newswriting 2 use numerals in place of > spelled-out numbers. For instance, 1 suspect was arrested 2 days after > the crime while 2 more were arrested 3 days after, leading 2 a total > of 3 suspects held 4 charges. Imagine the possibilities. Reporting of > who 8 what at the mayor's 4some be4 the 10is match could be topped > only by the drinks, even if be9, and the story about the mayor's 1 son > who 1 the match and how he broke his 2th during his 4hand shot. > > How can we defend ourselves against this plague of digits?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Simple.  We must build upon the legacy of Victor Borge and inflate } this misuse-of-language to the point where it becomes more economical } to spell things out properly.  Clearly this cannot be done simply by } adding one to each digit, but doubling is a fine place to start. } } We could begin fourday - cresixteening words never heard beeight - and } wsixteen to see results fourmorrow.  We could then quadruple again } until we twelveceed in zeroing in on the intwentyded outcome, putting } the newswriters behind the sixteen ball and leaving them, if you will, } fourthless.  When they are no longer able four use numerals in this } asieighteen way, we'll know we've two - though perhaps by that time it } will be five hundred twelve. } } You owe the Oracle a question he hasn't heard b4.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Sing along with me!  (Mostly because I don't sing well, and you make > me look good, but here goes:) > > They were the very first one, > And from them came a curs'd one. > I s'pose they weren't the worst one: > Adam's family. > > Thanks for the singing.  Now, my question: How would a good second > verse go?  (And a third if you're up to it.)  I came up with it in > middle school, but I could never get a second verse.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} While I cannot think of a second verse, I see a potential for this } to become a hit pop single. } } The wisdom of the Oracle reveals: } } HOW TO MAKE A HIT POP SONG: } 1. Get an annoying 15-year old, or even better an annoying band made }    up of only 16-years to sing this. Make them all males who have yet }    to reach puberty. That is the key to success } 2. Repeat the same word over and over in the chorus. In fact make the }    chorus only one word repeated over and over. } 3. Make the first part short and not understandable. Re-arrange words }    at random. Have your singer mumble the words. If you can understand }    the lyrics, throw one of the following words in at random: "love" }    "baby" "dang" or "hey" } 4. Finally, for the 2nd verse, just repeat the first verse, only with }    the words in reverse order. } 5. After that just repeat the chorus three more times. } }  Here is your finished song: } } Were they the first love one? } And cursed them from come kids } Hey one suppose they weren't the I worst! } } (chorus) } } ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! Family! } ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! } ADAM! ADAM! Family! } ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! ADAM! } } Worst I the weren't they suppose one. } Hey kids, come from them cursed. } And one love first the they were!!!! } } (repeat chorus x3) } } You owe the oracle Justin Bieber.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> So when you teach children that they are nothing more than > highly evolved animals and that life has no transcendent > meaning, then WHAT EFFECT DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD HAVE ON > THEIR MORALITY ???

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, Orrie Junior is 7 and his idea of prehistory mostly } revolves around plastic dinosaurs eating fire trucks, while } his theological and philosophical conceptions mostly deal } with milk, cookies and presents (as in big plastic dinosaurs). } I can't really extrapolate if he will grow up to be a very } religious or ethical person, which is something only an } adult can really be, but I can tell you that whatever he } understands about evolution has so far had no adverse effect } on his punctuation or capitalization, which I would take } as early warning signs of an education gone wrong. } } You owe the Oracle to ponder whether evolution really implies } that there is no transcendent meaning to human life.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> OUTPUT "Oh, great Oracle who is " > FOR i = 1 to 10,000 >   OUTPUT "so " > NEXT i > OUTPUT "amazing!" > > Please hear my question: >  I know things are somewhat rocky between you and Thor.  How are things >  between you and the Flying Spaghetti Monster? > > As payment, I offer to write an iPhone app to broadcast your > Oracularity wit and wisdom far and wide.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Saucy.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How far away is the Moon?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Unfortunately Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows' grant money ran out } before they were able to complete the experiment. } } You owe the Oracle a cybernetic fist and a 10 billion foot long tape } measure.