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} What's going on here? That's the third crap supplication this
} week! I must get to the bottom of this, if you'll pardon the pun.
}
} <peep> <peep> <poop> <peep> <poop> <poop> <peep> <brrr> <brrr>
} <click>
}
} "National Elf Service, Office of the Poo Fairy. How may I help
} you?"
}
} It's the Internet Oracle here. Put me through to the Poo Fairy.
}
} "It's ringing for you, sir."
}
} <click> "Hello, Orrie ..."
}
} Now listen here, Mackeithiel ...
}
} "She's not here, Orrie. This is the Tooth Fairy."
}
} Dentine? What are you doing there?
}
} "I now cover teeth, kidney stones, perspiration and poo, Orrie.
} It's part of the government cutbacks to the NES."
}
} And Mackeithiel?
}
} "She was laid off. Reinvented herself as a TV nutrition guru. Doing
} quite well, so I hear."
}
} Oh. Well, listen, Dentine ... about these poo-related supplications
} I've been getting ...
}
} "You don't mind me passing a few on, do you, Orrie? They
} haven't given me any extra staff, you know. And some of these sweat
} and shit ones, they're quite stomach-turning if you're not used
} to them! But you handle pervy disgusting stuff all the time, so you
} don't mind helping your dear little Dentine out, do you, Orrie my
} sweet? After all, how long have we known each other?"
}
} Two thousand, three hundred and ... Hey! Don't try to distract me by
} supplicating!
}
} "Remember Copenhagen?"
}
} I still can't believe some of the places I found bite marks. No, but
} look here, Dentine ... I'm not NES, you can't just bundle your
} work off on me. Just tell your boss you don't have to take this shit
} until you're given more staff.
}
} "No can do, Orrie. It's a statutory requirement for there to be a
} fairy representing bowel movements. You know our slogan ..."
}
} Yeah, yeah, yeah ... no defecation without representation. So, it's
} pretty rough, is it?
}
} "You wouldn't believe the pressure I'm under! 24/7 doesn't
} begin to describe it! I don't know whether I'm coming or going,
} half the time. Last night, I collected a tooth from under a little
} girl's pillow, and instead of a shiny coin, you'll never guess
} what I left in its place!"
}
} Spare me the mental imagery. Why don't you quit? Go freelance?
}
} "How would that work?"
}
} Well ... say, instead of leaving a coin for each tooth, people would
} now have to pay you to take them away. And your cut of the
} antiperspirant business ought to be worth a fortune!
}
} "That ... yes, that sounds like it might ... Thanks, Orrie, I'll
} definitely give that some serious consideration."
}
} Anytime. And meanwhile, no more diverted doo-doo questions, okay? I
} like my supplicants to stick to verbal diarrhea.
}
} "Absolutely."
}
} Good. Well, it's been nice talking to you, but I could use a visit
} to the john myself now. All this talk of poo ...
}
} "Would you like to have a nice, luxurious evacuation, or to spend
} the next half hour straining to squeeze out rock-hard little goat
} turds?"
}
} Eh?
}
} "Do you want my deluxe privatized poo service, or are you going to
} be a cheapskate and go for the economy deal?"
}
} Dentine! You wouldn't!
}
} "Got you!"
}
} Don't EVER joke about things like that!
}
} "Sorry, Orrie, couldn't resist. But thanks for your advice ...
} it's really given me something to get my teeth into. Speaking of
} which, if you ever fancy a repeat of Copenhagen ..."<click>
}
} If I ever fancy a repeat of Copenhagen, I'll be sure to have some
} rabies shots first. Jeez, what is it with fairies nowadays? Don't
} they know how they're supposed to behave? Haven't they seen Lord
} of the Rings?
}
} As for you, supplicant, you're welcome. Don't mention it. My
} pleasure. And next time, don't order Anil's double mutton
} vindaloo special, okay? Your western intestines haven't had the
} centuries of adaptive evolution necessary to handle that kind of
} dietary self-flagellation.
}
} You owe the Oracle some Ex-Lax.
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