} Ah, going off to college. Why, I remember when I was your age....
} [screen goes wavy] STOP THAT! No flashbacks! The supplicant didn't ask
} for any flashbacks!
} Right, now, where were we. Ah, yes. Well, your college should give you
} a list of things to bring, and things not to bring. Understand, dear
} supplicant, that these lists are merely guides. Here are some
} additional tips:
} DO: Bring clothes. Even if the dorm is "clothing-optional", shall we
} say, there are times you will want to exercise that option.
} DON'T: Bring closers. Your door will be equipped with one.
} DO: Bring a coffee pot. You will not always want to drag yourself down
} to the cafeteria.
} DON'T: Bring a coffee gun. These are unsafe in the close confines of a
} dorm room.
} DON'T: Bring a microwave. There will be plenty of them around as it is.
} DO: Bring a nuclear reactor. Because everyone else in the dorm will
} bring their computers, book readers, microwaves, air conditioners,
} space heaters, cell phone chargers, televisions, radios, curling
} irons, hair dryers, and electric cattle prods, you will find the local
} power supply to be stretched to its limit, especially as your dorm, in
} particular, was wired for power by Mr. Edison himself.
} DON'T: Bring a death ray, as these make people nervous, and you will
} have problems making friends.
} DO: Bring a flashlight, for when the nuclear reactor goes offline.
} But above all,
} DON'T: bring a w**dch*ck, as I'd hate for you to give any ideas to
} your dormmates.
} You owe the Oracle a 4.0 GPA.