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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I don't owe the Oracle squat!  He didn't answer my concern.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear supplicant, } } Your message got us very much concerned. Supplications falling though } the cracks are the first sign of a lax management structure, and we } will endeavor to start an inquiry immediately to investigate what went } wrong. } } In the meantime we managed to collect your last five submission, and } would like to ask you to please state which one in specific was the } concern to which you received no answer: } } On 21 June 2011 22:59, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > Hey Oracle! How are you doing? I though maybe we should hang out } > > again, it was fun the other day. Call me! } } On 21 June 2011 23:05, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > Hi, it's me again... Sorry, I though you might not have received my } > > last message. Or did you? Anyway, you should reply to me some time, } > > I miss you. XXX } } On 21 June 2011 23:15, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > Hey, yeah, are you busy now? It's cool, I understand, having to } > > answer all those question. But I was here, thinking of you, and } > > wondering when are you going to reply? Anyway, it's cool. I'll be } > > here, waiting, OK? } } On 21 June 2011 23:45, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > All right, this is stupid now. What is wrong with you, why can't } > > you answer my questions? I don't know what is it that I did wrong, } > > all I wanted was for you to care about me. Now, if you don't want to } > > reply, it's your loss! } } On 21 June 2011 23:48, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to shout... please reply, ok? } } On 21 June 2011 23:59, The Internet Oracle <oracle@cs.indiana.edu> } wrote: } } > The Internet Oracle requires an answer to this question! } > } > > I don't owe the Oracle squat!  He didn't answer my concern. } } You owe the Oracle a squat. A square one please, without any feathers.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What did you just call me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} F riend, you must have misunderstood me.  Out of } a ll the people I know, you are the last that I would } r udely treat by name calling.  I don't know what } t here is that I need to take back. } } F or all I know, you overheard someone else speaking } a nd thought it was me.  Either that, or else a } c hance comment on my part was misconstrued.  In } e ither case, I hope we can move on. } } You owe the Oracle a breath mint.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the meaning of Death?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Remember last time, when I told you the meaning of Life? Multiply that } by the square root of minus pi, and subtract three eighths and a } smidgeon. That's about as close as you can get without going on the } expedition yourself, seeing how you once said, "I'd rather DIE than } have to study math ever again!" } } You owe the Oracle the meaning of Time and of Sports Illustrated.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dearest Oracle, I beg you to assist me in a terrible quandry I have > found myself in. > > It all began simply enough... I was using the photo editor at the local > grocery. I had auto-selected the image of a local drunk who had > wandered into the frame of a portrate I had taken of the family. A > local child, obviously unfamiliar with photo editing technology was > looking on as i hit the "delete' key. > > "where does the man go" the child asked > > "he goes into the trash dear" I responded. In the scoop of photo > editing my answer was quite innocent. This statement however would > become the bane oof my existance. As you know at the same time I was > editing the photo at the grocery, someone had shot the guy and disposed > of his body in a trash can. > > "Big Deal" ehh just a coicadence? > > Well tell that to the guy's mobster brother who caught wind of the > local rumour that I was the one who had put his brother in the trash > can. now he wants me to do the same thing to several people of his > choosing or he will "off me". > > Certainly he won't be amused by me simply retuning the pictures of the > targets with the subject edited out. Don't these guys keep up with > current events and technology?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} a) A certain degree of literalism earns you a lot of respect in certain } branches of 'family business'. b) Never underestimate the powers of a } child's belief in words - there is magic to be found here. c) Try to } get take a picture of a certain member of a certain 'family' - you'll } know what to do with it. } } You owe the oracle a snapshot of his landlord, to whom he in turn owes } 3256 years of rent.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Some questions are simply unanswerable. Here are some... > > "When was it that you stopped being able to understand any of the > concepts of time?" > > "What is the best way to eat soft-boiled elephant snot?" > > "What kind of weather was there when you saw the Invisible Man?" > > What do you, the Admittedly Omniscient Oracle, do with unanswerable > lunatic questions like that? You clearly know the answers to > everything. > > What is the correct answer to an unanswerable question?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sorry, but where are the unanswerable questions?  I stopped being able } to understand the concepts of time a week ago, but it didn't last.  The } best way to eat soft-boiled elephant snot is slowly.  It was snowy, or } I couldn't have seen the Invisible Man. } } When I get questions like that, I answer them.  What the heck do YOU do } with them? } } And you know the rest. } } You owe the Oracle a truly unanswerable question - one that has nothing } to do with rodents, mind you.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Can I get another null question?  I know exactly what to do with it. > Thanks.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No prob.  Here ya go: } } > } } Looking forward, as always, to reading what you've got in mind. } } And now, in response to your own virtually null question, here is my } Top Ten list of responses to a null question. } } 10) A null answer, of course. } 9)  A crappy top ten list. } 8)  A good top ten list (warning, this option actually takes some }     effort). } 7)  Answer a question you make up that supposedly was written in }     invisible ink or a microscopic font. } 6)  Pretending the sound or brightness is turned down too low is good }     too. } 5)  Treat it as a w**dch*ck question and zot the asker. } 4)  Make up something involving Lisa, Zadoc, and the rest of the }     in-jokes. } 3)  Or Nethack/Adventure - never gets old, right? } 2)  Recycle an old Sore Loser offering you think deserves a second }     chance by the priests. } 1)  Delete it and let the next incarnation think up something. } } All in all I think I am going to go with option #1 here.  Tag, you're } It. } } You owe the Oracle, well, I guess nothing would be appropriate, so } nothing it is.  Or, "is not", strictly speaking. } } PS.  Ha ha, I snuck a space character into the above null question.  So } it's not really null after all.  Sucker.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> One of my passwords is "elephant" so that I don't forget it.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Interesting.  One of my hobbies is "identity theft" so that I } don't lose my lavish lifestyle. } } You owe the Oracle an inattentive fortnight.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I am attempting to resolve a difficulty in time-distortion analysis, > and I hope that you can help, that is, if you have not become distorted > yourself. It seems that the partial answer I received from you was from > the future, specifically from the time between 2010 and 2012. Where I > sit, temporally speaking, it is 1967, and Barry Goldwater is still > President of the United States. We are thankful that he was able to end > the Vietnam difficulty without resorting to escalation of military > actions as had been predicted. > > But I gather that you are somewhere in my future. Indeed, I had never > heard of the Internet Oracle, or even "The Internet" (whatever it is) > until the arrival of your answer this morning. In other words, you > answered a question I had not asked. > > In your answer you referred to "President Barry" and initially I > assumed you were talking about Mr. Goldwater. No doubt you learned in > your history lessons about the problems that he had, with people > claiming that he was Jewish. He has, of course, Jewish ancestry, but is > not himself Jewish. But you said President Barry was trying to assert > that he was not Muslim. As far as I know, that question never came up > during Goldwater's campaign. Your phrase, "Now that we are ten years > into the new millennium," is what made me wonder if our time > experiments here at MIT have succeeded beyond our dreams. Communication > backwards across time has been accomplished! Or has it? Anyway, I need > four things from you: > > 1. What was the rest of your answer? It sort of broke off in the middle > or maybe the ends. > > 2. What was my queestion to you? > > 3. Who is your "President Barry?" > > 4. How the heck do I send you this question? Electronic mail was > invented here within MIT only a couple of years ago, and as far as I > know does not reach either to Bloomington, Indiana or to the year 2010.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} By targeting customers suffering from Alzheimer's disease, the Oracle } had hoped to be able to charge them multiple times, as they would } forget that they had already payed.  The plan, however, backfired.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hi Orrie. I'm Paul Anatomy. Well, that's not my real name, but I > couldn't really say my name here in a family-oriented Oracle, could I? > > What's a better euphemism for me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There is no need for euphemism.  If comedian Andy Dick, US politician } Anthony Weiner, baseball player Pete LaCock, and designer Vera Wang } can all carve out careers in public using their given names, I see no } reason you can not succeed with your relatively benign surname, Dr. } Johnson.  Many other gynecologists share it. } } You owe the Oracle a package of Hostess Ding Dongs.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle of phrase and fable, > please send me a wonder cable: > > Where in the war does Micro$oft want to take me today?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They plan to use you as fodder in the battle against Google Chrome; } your patrol will pester their tech support with questions as to why } Google Chrome isn't computing the sums of your spreadsheets.  If you } survive being in this assault vanguard, your objective tomorrow will } turn to Yahoo and convincing their marketing chiefs that there is } market demand for a high-end Sudoku solver. } } You owe the Oracle your overdue annual support fee.